Ivory_Tower Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Tonight I was hanging out with one of my guy friends, and had a complete meltdown. I thought I was over my ex because I haven't cried in a month and I've been trying to get on with my life. Well, tonight the walls came crashing down. Maybe I've been repressing a lot of thoughts lately, maybe I'm not as far along with healing as I thought. I don't know, but earlier tonight my guy friend was playing some music for me. Later, he said he was getting hungry, so we went into the kitchen and he started cooking. Thats when the tears started coming. He has a lot in common with my ex, where they went to high school, they both like guitar, and they have the same ethnic background. Just all of these little things compiled into one made me completely break down. I know my ex was a jerk and I have to move on, but tonight was just terrible. I haven't cried like this since the first day my ex broke up with me. I was sobbing on my ride home, just completely in tears. I feel so dizzy and sick to my stomach. My poor friend is probably so confused right now. I tried to tell him that he didn't do anything. The one difference between him and my ex is that he really cares, and wanted to make sure I was okay. Link to comment
Lights Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I know how this goes hun, and I'm sorry you are having a hard time. But losing a relationship is losing a big part of you and your life. You have to allow yourself time to grieve that loss, and move on from it. I think we've all tried to put things on the back burner, hoping they'll get better. But the only thing that'll make it better is confronting it, crying about it, yelling about it, and eventually looking back on it and letting it go. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I can relate to the meltdown thing, it happens to me at the oddest moments. It sounds like the healing process is working very well for you! Sobbing is a really good sign. You will feel so much better because you released the pain. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 I've just never felt this vulnerable. Not since day one of the break up. I still haven't broken NC, so I am proud of myself for that. I feel like my ex died. After dating for more than a year and being friends for six he doesn't exist anymore, just in my mind. Link to comment
Lights Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I've just never felt this vulnerable. Not since day one of the break up. I still haven't broken NC, so I am proud of myself for that. I feel like my ex died. After dating for more than a year and being friends for six he doesn't exist anymore, just in my mind. I have to say, major pat on the back for you there. Contact was my BIGGEST problem when I went through my breakup. I couldn't stay away, and that's a really hard thing to do. You SHOULD feel proud. Your ex didn't die, but your relationship did. Something you depended on and learned to love as part of you is gone. It's natural to grieve for that. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 I have to say, major pat on the back for you there. Contact was my BIGGEST problem when I went through my breakup. I couldn't stay away, and that's a really hard thing to do. You SHOULD feel proud. Your ex didn't die, but your relationship did. Something you depended on and learned to love as part of you is gone. It's natural to grieve for that. I just keep thinking about how fully of BS he was. He said that he would always be my friend no matter what happened. That simply wasn't true I guess. Link to comment
Lights Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I just keep thinking about how fully of BS he was. He said that he would always be my friend no matter what happened. That simply wasn't true I guess. Unfortunately, most times it isn't. It's one of those things that is really easy to say, but when the time comes, the action takes a LOT of work and most people aren't willing to do it. You need to be YOUR friend now. Keep up with NC, because that's the best thing you've been doing, let yourself cry, and don't be afraid to be happy again. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 Unfortunately, most times it isn't. It's one of those things that is really easy to say, but when the time comes, the action takes a LOT of work and most people aren't willing to do it. You need to be YOUR friend now. Keep up with NC, because that's the best thing you've been doing, let yourself cry, and don't be afraid to be happy again. I agree. The thing is, I'm going to have major trust issues now because of my ex. I've had two boyfriends and the first one was horrible also. My ex knows all about him and that embarrasses me. I don't know whether or not to seek therapy just because something didn't work out for me? Look at what they do, and not what they say. That is what I have learned. At least I am making progress. Link to comment
Lights Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I agree. The thing is, I'm going to have major trust issues now because of my ex. I've had two boyfriends and the first one was horrible also. My ex knows all about him and that embarrasses me. I don't know whether or not to seek therapy just because something didn't work out for me? Look at what they do, and not what they say. That is what I have learned. At least I am making progress. We're all shaped by our pasts. Trust issues, relationship issues, all of it is there for a reason. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Consider it that you'll be more aware and more resilient after this. You ARE making progress. You ARE gonna be fine. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 I can relate to the meltdown thing, it happens to me at the oddest moments. It sounds like the healing process is working very well for you! Sobbing is a really good sign. You will feel so much better because you released the pain. The funny thing is I don't FEEL healed. Is it really working for me?! Link to comment
Dean_Wincheste Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 It will take time for you to heal. I was dumped by my girlfriend around 3 months ago and I still feel sad. ENA and its awesome members have helped me a great deal. Don't let that jerk turn you into someone who no longer trusts guys. There are lots and lots of great guys out there (me, for example) Link to comment
amipushy Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Don't let that jerk turn you into someone who no longer trusts guys. There are lots and lots of great guys out there (me, for example) I dont know about the OP but thanks I needed to hear that today!! Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 I dont know about the OP but thanks I needed to hear that today!! Me too! Link to comment
Copper Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Sorry to hear about this ivory. I to had a similar situation today, except I was alone. I saw one of her old emails in my inbox, and I just lost it and broke down...Its been a rough day. I even came quite close to texting or calling her. But Im resisting because I know nothing good will come from it. I'm just hoping tomorrow is better, not much more you can do. hope your doing well. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 The funny thing is I don't FEEL healed. Is it really working for me?! Yes, intermittent feelings with longer stretches between meltdowns indicate healing. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Sorry to hear about this ivory. I to had a similar situation today, except I was alone. I saw one of her old emails in my inbox, and I just lost it and broke down...Its been a rough day. I even came quite close to texting or calling her. But Im resisting because I know nothing good will come from it. I'm just hoping tomorrow is better, not much more you can do. hope your doing well. Thank you Copper. I'm sorry you saw an old email. Sometimes I won't get on Facebook because I don't even want to come accross old mail. I need to go through it and delete it eventually. I just don't even want to look at it right now. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Yes, intermittent feelings with longer stretches between meltdowns indicate healing. How many of these do I need to go through before I'm totally healed? Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 How many of these do I need to go through before I'm totally healed? I don't know and I don't think I'm the average case. There is only one relationship I've ever had a bunch of difficulty getting over and it still happens to me every few months for a few days. I don't want to discourage you at all. The rest of the time I'm pretty happy. Link to comment
uj2004 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I just keep thinking about how fully of BS he was. He said that he would always be my friend no matter what happened. That simply wasn't true I guess. Sadly, we all tend to have forgotten about the last person to say this and go against it by the time the next person says it. I think the words always and forever should only be regarded as being meant at the time they are said, which is a contradiction anyway. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Sadly, we all tend to have forgotten about the last person to say this and go against it by the time the next person says it. I think the words always and forever should only be regarded as being meant at the time they are said, which is a contradiction anyway. But what if I happen to be the one person in a million who means it when I say always and forever? Link to comment
uj2004 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 But what if I happen to be the one person in a million who means it when I say always and forever? Well I'd say that makes two of us I can confidently say I would never have left my ex, I meant the always and forever's that I gave her. Stupidly, I thought she was the same as me. I think it might be harder when you are eachother's firsts and one of you breaks those promises you made, as in my case. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Well I'd say that makes two of us I can confidently say I would never have left my ex, I meant the always and forever's that I gave her. Stupidly, I thought she was the same as me. I think it might be harder when you are eachother's firsts and one of you breaks those promises you made, as in my case. I'm sorry she was unable to live up to hers. It's good to know there are people who can and will live up to theirs. Link to comment
surfNski Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I am with you. How come when people say they are in it for life they dont mean it. I mean what happened to standing by your word and honoring your comitments. I guess there are just to few of us left who mean it when we say "I will always be there". Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I am with you. How come when people say they are in it for life they dont mean it. I mean what happened to standing by your word and honoring your comitments. I guess there are just to few of us left who mean it when we say "I will always be there". Exactly. "I still want to hang out with you - you're a cool person" said by my ex. Right... I guess I'm not a "cool" enough person to be his girlfriend anymore. Yet, I told him I still care about him and I'd be there for him when he needed me. That's just the type of person I am. I'll drop what I'm doing to help out someone I love. I hate that about myself... **hugs** Ivory_Tower. These meltdowns happen sometimes... I had them too, with my first break up with this ex. I was like, I thought I was healing?! Why am I freaking crying out of nowhere?! But I realized, I had more days of happiness than sadness. Maybe not 'happiness', but more like.. my heart wasn't hurting and I was able to genuinely smile and meet new people. I still missed him, yes. But the gut-wrenching, knee-shaking pain was no longer there... How long has NC been for you two? I can only hope I get to where you are. I was there once, but I don't know if I can make it this time. Link to comment
dimnickel1980 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 i have these meltdowns too. don't feel bad or embarrassed.. it's natural. your fam and friends will understand my boyfriend and i gave our virginities to each other as a sign of .. "we're staying together for good." this was a HUGE deal to me because im Catholic. that turned out well....NOT. he made sex seem pretty meaningless to me... by the whole walking out and leaving me O.o Link to comment
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