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He's encouraging me to change my hair?


jen83

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So for my entire adult life, I had very long medium brown hair. A color I had always found pretty boring. Not dark enough to be seductive and alluring, or light enough to be eyecatching---just plain old neutral brown. I was never much into doing anything with my hair, even as a teenager--which resulted in it staying the exact same except for the occasional trim(by my mom) every few months.

 

A year ago, I lost a lot of weight and finally decided I wanted to change it. I ended up cutting my hair pretty short and getting some blondish high lights. Everyone I knew liked the change a lot. It's been this way for a year. My only concern is that I have to get it re-highlighted every 2 months or the roots grow out and it starts looking messy.

 

Any way, my new boyfriend of 2 months--he's trying to encourage me to let it grow out long and brown again. He's seen pictures of the way it use to be and he assures me, it was stunning. He says he likes "natural" looks and brown hair is very attractive to him. So I'm somewhat torn. I'd been considered growing it out longer again before I'd ever met my boyfriend, but I've never liked my natural hair color. As far as length, it's already past my chin. I'd never do something to change myself just because a boyfriend wanted it--but it still feels odd to know that he has a preference and that this isn't it. He's assured me that I am beautiful just as I am--and all that, blah blah blah--but he's made it very clear he would *prefer* me to not get my hair rehighlighted blonde and/or even dye it back to my natural color. He even told me about a dream he had where I had long brown hair and how incredibly hot it was to him. I'm planning on getting something done next week(because it's time, the highlights are grown out), but now I feel sort of in an odd position. He's definitely not a controlling guy, he's wonderful and I'm very happy--he just apparently really likes "the natural look"... Thoughts?

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I think that it's really not that big of a deal.

 

Maybe compromise by growing it out like you wanted and keeping the hair colour that you want.

 

I'd be more offended if he wanted you to dye your hair colour to something other than your natural color.

 

Yea me too..like if he wanted you to be a platinum blonde or something. This actually sounds very reasonable to me.

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just look at pictures of you with your old hair, look at it now and decide what YOU think looks prettier. I used to have amazing hair when I was 18: It was really long and thick, dark brown and naturally wavy. I had compliments about it all the time. Then I got into a relationship with this woman and she told me that I looked like a little girl with long hair and that I should cut it to make me look 'more grown up'.

 

I wanted her to like the way I look so I got it cut really short. I regret it so much! That was four years ago and it still hasn't grown much. I really miss my old hair and wish I'd just done what I wanted instead of trying to keep my ex happy. She dumped me anyway.

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Well to be honest what matters is that you have the hair that *you* like. If you dislike your natural colour then keep your highlights. He's not going to dump you for keeping them, if he did then he's just an idiot.

 

Only go back to natural or compromise if it's what *you* want. It's your hair when it comes down to it and nobody should be influencing how you look to the extent that you'd change to please them.

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It's just odd because he's never actually seen my natural hair color on me! I only showed him pictures of it the way it use to be, after he brought up me dying it brown. So apparently, he just likes burnettes better. I absolutely am going to have *something* done to it next week--it's too grown out, but now I'm unsure of what. I'm growing it longer because *I* want too, but the color...I dunno. I'm up for change, but not neccessarily my old color. I might consider darker highlights than I usually get and see how that looks.

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It's just odd because he's never actually seen my natural hair color on me! I only showed him pictures of it the way it use to be, after he brought up me dying it brown. So apparently, he just likes burnettes better. I absolutely am going to have *something* done to it next week--it's too grown out, but now I'm unsure of what. I'm growing it longer because *I* want too, but the color...I dunno. I'm up for change, but not neccessarily my old color. I might consider darker highlights than I usually get and see how that looks.

 

 

Maybe go for a reder tint of brunette. Like a subtle brassy colour.

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Do what YOU want with your appearance. If you want to grow it long again do that..if you like your highlights keep them. My roomate's bf used to "prefer" her to not wear make up even though she loved putting it on. The second she broke up with him she experimented and found a great look that suited her. She was so happy to be able to express herself how she wanted to and found a bf that loves her new look. Now she's happy with herself and so is her SO

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You're a human being, not a barbie doll. I hate it when partners do that stuff. Let him get a My Little Pony or something.

 

Amen to that Hex!!

 

How about an experiment? Do what you want to do with your hair this time and see how many times he brings the subject up between now and two months from now. I'd say if he brings it up more than once or twice don't do it. He being pushy and selfish at best and controlling at worst.

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It's just odd because he's never actually seen my natural hair color on me! I only showed him pictures of it the way it use to be, after he brought up me dying it brown. So apparently, he just likes burnettes better. I absolutely am going to have *something* done to it next week--it's too grown out, but now I'm unsure of what. I'm growing it longer because *I* want too, but the color...I dunno. I'm up for change, but not neccessarily my old color. I might consider darker highlights than I usually get and see how that looks.

 

But do *you* like how your hair is with the blonde highlights?

 

Forget his views because it's not his hair. If you like how your hair is then please don't change it as it'd be such a shame. I don't see why you should compromise either, it's not his hair. If *you* want to try something different then go ahead. If my boyfriend told me he wanted me to go back to dark blonde (my natural colour) instead of my light blonde I'd tell him no because I don't like it. The only thing I wouldn't do because of my boyfriend is dye my hair red, because if it faded to ginger it'd look just like his ex's hair

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If this was a long term relationship and your partner expressed a genuine preference for your hair, I would say to consider it.

 

But dating a guy for 2 months - no, I do not believe you should change your hair for him. Personally I think it is a bad sign when a someone tries overtly to make someone change in the early stages of dating. There is just something "off" about that to me, whether its a man or a woman.

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You admit you are very happy, so I assume he is treating you well. I wouldn't worry about it - he saw the brunette picture of you, and liked it a lot. He is obviously attracted to you without the brunette hair, too, because he is with you.

 

Personally, if it was my man, I would probably try go back to it since he likes it so much. But if you don't, I am sure he won't care.

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I would try getting some lowlights in there as well, just to darken the overall look if you are considering going darker...you can experiment any way you like! You could add some blonde and caramel highlights with medium brown lowlights to add some depth. Talk to your hairdresser....I'm sure he/she can help you!!

As for changing it because of a bf....I would say no....I had a bf who liked blondes...and I was a brunette. So I had blonde highlights in my hair for the 2.5 years that we dated. I didn't like it, and I wished to go back to my medium brown hair or even darker. But wouldn't change it because any time I talked about it my ex would tell me how much he liked me "blonde".

After we broke up...I went one level under black and I absolutely love it. I get more compliments, probably because I feel more like myself and I "own" the look. You need to do what is comfortable for YOU and do what YOU love because you are ultimately the one who has to live with it!

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Don't change for someone else EVER. Take it from me, I did and now I resent it.

 

I had long brown hair down to my waist, which I loved. My ex claimed to like it at first (said he only liked long hair on women), yet as time went on, he started whining about how he was getting tired of my hair and thought I should "spice it up" and try something new. He tried to say that I didn't trust him if I didn't listen to him, and that he was only telling me because "he knew best" and I didn't (now that I think about it, he's the scum of the earth...good thing he's my ex...).

 

Anyway, the point is that I cut my hair above my shoulders and thought it looked ridiculous (I have curly hair so I felt like a poodle). He liked it, though, yet of course he ended up dumping me anyway!

 

My hair is now a little past my shoulders. I will never do what a MAN wants again. Screw them and their preferences.

 

It's your hair, your decision!

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