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Am I being unreasonable?? Honest Opinions PLEASE.

TechResQ

By TechResQ
in Relationship Advice

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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Ok, please let me know what you all think about this...

 

My boyfriend and I live an hour apart. No big deal usually. But lately, I have been doing most all of the driving when we see each other. I drive a pickup, gas is not cheap, but it is worth it to get to see him. He plays in a band and for the last two weekends I have driven to each performance. I drove to his house last weekend to stay with him on Friday, after his gig. Granted, he did come over last Sunday evening and stayed the night, but he hadn't been to my house for a long time.

 

Anyway, he called me last night and said he has two tickets to see Alice Cooper tonight and wants to take me to dinner before the show. He just called me and said we could either meet at the casino (where the concert is) or I could drive to his house and we can leave from there. In other words, he didn't offer to come and get me. He gets off work at 1:30 in the afternoon, I get off at 4:30. So it's not like HE will be pressed for time...but I sure will.

 

So, my question is two fold: 1. Should I just suck it up, be thankful we are going out and not say anything? and 2. Do you think I am being unreasonable for being slightly miffed?

 

Lay it on me folks!

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pinkrobot Collaborator

pinkrobot

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I used to live 45 min. from an ex when gas was $4.50 a gallon...and he NEVER drove to see me, or helped me out with gas money. I was visiting him four times a week. He spent his money on pot and booze...go figure.

 

Having said that, I think you have every right to be miffed about it!!!

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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I don't think you're being unreasonable. Why don't you suggest he pick you up? You don't have to go into detail about all the times you've driven, but just mention that you'd like for him to pick you up and see what he says.

 

yeah, I didn't say that cuz I am a chicken sh*t.

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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I used to live 45 min. from an ex when gas was $4.50 a gallon...and he NEVER drove to see me, or helped me out with gas money. I was visiting him four times a week. He spent his money on pot and booze...go figure.

 

Having said that, I think you have every right to be miffed about it!!!

 

Thankfully he doesn't spend his money doing that. But yeah, I feel like I am the one that makes most of the effort. It didn't used to be that way when we started dating, he would drive out a lot.

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hexaemeron Collaborator

hexaemeron

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I don't mean that he would think that, I just don't want to come accross that way. I am such a wuss.

 

How do you think I should approach the subject?

 

I'd just tell him that it's a lot of strain on you mentally and financially for you to be doing all the driving and that you would like it to be more equitable.

 

That could mean gas money for you, or for him to drive to you more equally.

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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I'd just tell him that it's a lot of strain on you mentally and financially for you to be doing all the driving and that you would like it to be more equitable.

 

That could mean gas money for you, or for him to drive to you more equally.

 

yeah, you're right. I need to grow a backbone, obviously.

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dangletsbang Enthusiast

dangletsbang

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How about sending him a text or a phone call and saying..

 

"honey, is there anyway you can come pick me up since you get off at 1:30? Since I get off three hours later than you, i'm going to be extremely pressed for time..I feel it would be more convienent [sp?] if you could possibly come pick me up."

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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How about sending him a text or a phone call and saying..

 

"honey, is there anyway you can come pick me up since you get off at 1:30? Since I get off three hours later than you, i'm going to be extremely pressed for time..I feel it would be more convienent [sp?] if you could possibly come pick me up."

 

Good idea! I mean, he could leave his house at 4:00 and be there by the time I get home and I could change...I think I will try that...

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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And that is probably the problem right there and if you keep shutting up about it you will only get more and more frustrated and you are probably going to blow up one day out of the blue.

 

That is what healthy communication is all about, let him know calmly how you feel you may be surprised by his reaction.

 

yeah, you are right, that's always been my problem...supress it until I get really irritated.

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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Speak your mind woman! lol

 

Just say .. hey ..can we split the driving... these gas prices are killing me- or ... i feel so rushed when i have to get ready and drive ..and blah blah.

 

just be honest- I love you honey bunny but i need some driving support!

 

lol! I know, I need to. He drives a better gas friendly vehicle than me too...

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TechResQ Contributor

TechResQ

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Call me old fashioned, but if it were me, I'd be doing the majority of the driving. Especially in this case when I'd know you'd be pressed for time. I'd show up just so you could relax on the way to the venue.

 

and how close do you live to Kansas City??? Wanna go see Alice Cooper? HA!

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shera Rookie

shera

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I think you can be miffed....but have you addressed this issue with him or are you just wanting him to naturally want to come pick you up or pay for your gas etc?

I would say a frank discussion around expectations is very important when it comes to distance dating...

Have you had the talk?

How long have you been dating?

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