Happy, but want her back still

[Cheeks18]

i havent posted much about my own situation lately and I am just really looking for a little help to get me motivated, little down today about everything.

 

 

So its been 4 months since I broke up with my EX, we just lost feelings and stuff was going sour, she shut down her social life besides me and that caused myne to start slowing down. No motivation to do anything for each other except sit around and chill, no real sex drive for either of us. I couldnt handle it so I broke up with her and told her we both need to get back to who we are. 3 months and 1 week ago, I told her I think we should get back together and give it another go, shut me down so I am the dumpee now.

 

She met another guy and is now in a relationship with him, they started seeing each other 2 weeks after we broke up. I know its a rebound and I know it wont last.

 

Since the break up I have improved myself in so many ways, I am in the best shape of my life I am meeting beautiful girls and going on dates, having oodles of fun with my friends!! Just having a good time but I still miss the heck out of her, everyday, all day. I want her to be apart of these good times with me I know she would improve it for me even more.

 

A month and 3 weeks ago I told her I cant handle talking to you when your with another man, you dont need me your happy without me, she got angery, but I knew it was cause she was scared to lose me forever, I stuck to my guns and went NC. One day I got an email from her asking about some picture I had on my camera, if I had them and would send them to her. I waited a day to reply, in which she sent another email with a little more anger. Which told me it had nothing to do with the pics. I sent her the pics later that day, she apologized and asked how my vacation was recently, I kept it short and sweet and said thanks for asking. She kept continueing the convo. This happened on thursday, I was planning on going to my moms softball game which my ex is on the team, on that sunday. We talked the whole time, she admitted to missing me and said some negative stuff about her new guy. I really didnt take it to heart, but I wanted to. So we decided Limited contact was a good idea(BAD IDEA).

 

I email her that next thursday, she replys with some BS saying I dont want this emailing to happen if I get led on by it?? In other words, that sunday we talked I also told her I missed her, and kinda implied I would like to still get back together and work stuff out, which is exactly what she was looking for and needed to hear to be happy again, because she could care less about emailing now, its a week since that last email. I think she just did that last sunday to make sure I am still around for her just in case?? Am I right???

 

So I have been seeing this new girl she is into me alot and I kinda like her but it bothers me when someones that into me. Anyways, I brought her on my Sport Bike to my moms and ex's last game of the season for softball on this wed. my ex's BF was there too........ She saw me with the new girl and got upset, I could tell she wasn't likeing it at all. After the game she walked by me with a big cute smile and said HI, I said good game ______ she kept walking and left right away. I think I brought the new girl just to show her I am not gonna always be waiting around?? IDK.

 

So I am not doing good today, I want her back right now so bad and I just want her to be single and take her on dates and such and start over, we have a spark that burnt out over time, we both wanted to see if the grass on the other side was greener, I am guess it hasnt been enough time, but I have no clue, I know she misses me I know she thinks of me all the time but why the heck is she stopping herself??

 

Thanks for listening any ideas on whats to expect or where I should go next with this situation???

[Xetra Dax]

The problem with you is that you are NOT absolute in what you do. You have to think more in terms of BLACK and WHITE, yes or no.

 

Do you understand me? In other words, the grey area's of relationships in your life are OVERLAPPING TOO MUCH!. You are living 2 to 3 lives, so is she, its like you people are standing in multiple buckets of water while trying to walk, waters coming out and its a big mess. NO, a thousand times no.

 

Look , you have to understand that you can only limit yourself to '1 relationship at the time' you should only stand with two feet in one bucket of water, so to speak. That's stable, you can step out of the bucket with two feet, but don't leave one feet behind in the other bucket,

 

You'll only create triangle or quadripple relationships in that way, its impossible for you to maintain.

 

 

Look guv, you quitted with her for a reason, don't bail out back to your comfortable zone of your old relationship, its either QUIT or STAY.

 

If you stay then you need to work on the relationship problems, and solve them. If you can't bail out and never look back. You already bailed out, and even tho its a rebound on her side, how is it going to go with that other guy, even a rebound is a human being with a heart that can be broken. Is what you are doing justified , break up , walk over other people, and then get back together again, and then hitting the fan because the original problems that made you break up in the first place haven't been resolved yet?

 

This is a circular downward spiral problem, the only way to get out of it is to jump out, and prevent you won't get sucked back in. So its goodbye forever.End.

[Cheeks18]

But she doesnt want to get back together right now, I am leaving her alone, and ever month or so she will contact me saying that she misses me and what not, then I say it back then shes happy again, and leaves me alone.

 

So the saying time solves problems isn't correct in my situation?? I feel that we both have forgot alot of our past and the negatives things, and both have realized are faults in this time apart and even more time will help. I know that if we have another shot at it were gonna take it slow and figure out all the problems that we might have, if there still present then we wouldnt go any further.

 

I dont know, I know I wont try and do anything right now, I wont her rebound to fail on its own.

 

My friends say I should just get into another relationship just to try it out, since my ex was my first actually relationship. I tell them if the right girl comes along I will, but I dont believe that I wouldnt just go back to my ex the second I had a chance.

[hexaemeron]

I think you're doing the right thing, focusing on yourself. The working out, the meeting new people. You're doing exactly what you should be doing. You two probably need some time, space and perspective.

 

Life can be funny. You two may end up friends eventually, or even more. Time's a huge factor here. But in the meantime, keep the dates coming and the chinups going!

[Cheeks18]

I think you're doing the right thing, focusing on yourself. The working out, the meeting new people. You're doing exactly what you should be doing. You two probably need some time, space and perspective.

 

Life can be funny. You two may end up friends eventually, or even more. Time's a huge factor here. But in the meantime, keep the dates coming and the chinups going!

 

Thanks,

 

I plan on continueing to better myself and what not, and her and I have both talked multiple times about how we need time apart and expirence life without each other and if were meant to be were meant to be. I just can seem to get to the ok with it point, she is at that point only because she with this guy, I can almost promise it that the second stuff between them goes sour she will be a knocking.

 

Anyone have a take on me just getting into a relationship to try it out?? I have potentials but I'm scared.

[hexaemeron]

Well, do you know what you're looking for? Do you know what you're prepared to offer? Do you think you're ready?

[Cheeks18]

Im really not the looking type, I mean I am always outgoing and I have been meeting a new woman ever time I go out, or I am on a date with one when I am out. I am for sure prepared to offer what a guy should in a relationship, thats also what I worked on since the breakup, that was one of my problems towards the end of my last relationship, lack OF EFFORT.

 

I have no clue, which prolly means I am not ready, but I am sure she wasnt ready either yet she seems really happy??

[gjacksong]

You're right. Our situations are similar. We both need to fully remove ourselves from our ex's and train our brain to forget them. The more we think about getting back together with them, the more heart broken we will be. We can't control what the great Lord has planned for us. We think we can, but we just can't. I haven't talked to my ex for awhile now and I am sure that makes her happy. Your ex sounds like she still has feelings for you. It appears that she just wants to explore someone else. And that's fine. She will either remain with him and be happy--which will prove she's not the one. Or, she will return and the both of you can work things out. However, do you want to be second best?

[Cheeks18]

You're right. Our situations are similar. We both need to fully remove ourselves from our ex's and train our brain to forget them. The more we think about getting back together with them, the more heart broken we will be. We can't control what the great Lord has planned for us. We think we can, but we just can't. I haven't talked to my ex for awhile now and I am sure that makes her happy. Your ex sounds like she still has feelings for you. It appears that she just wants to explore someone else. And that's fine. She will either remain with him and be happy--which will prove she's not the one. Or, she will return and the both of you can work things out. However, do you want to be second best?

 

No, second best would be no fun, ha lol.

 

I know I am better then this guy, especially after all I have done to better myself, I am doing and getting everything done in my life and I am loveing myself for it!!!!

 

She ran into me at the gym and she couldnt keep her eyes off me, it was to funny, only time will tell what she does, and I can't care, its a waist to care, until shes single.

 

I am not so sure about your ex being happy your leaving her alone, it just makes her think more about what your up to and why isnt he contacting me anymore?? We will ALWAYS have a part of there heart and there will always be something there for us, we wont be forgotten. I really dont think we can be replaced either.

[TheJorge]

Just try to let her go man, I wish I was as strong as you or at least in your situation, I think you should date other girls, and not talk to her, it looks like she just wants to keep a string on you in case it doesnt work out she can come back to you, but then if she does what if she finds someone else and just keeps going back and forth with you till she finds what she's looking for, just let her go and let time deal with it

[Cheeks18]

Just try to let her go man, I wish I was as strong as you or at least in your situation, I think you should date other girls, and not talk to her, it looks like she just wants to keep a string on you in case it doesnt work out she can come back to you, but then if she does what if she finds someone else and just keeps going back and forth with you till she finds what she's looking for, just let her go and let time deal with it

 

I am trying, and I am dateing, I go on a date atleast once a week, still yet to find any girl that is relationship material. My ex and I run into each other random(We live in the same town 5 min away from each other) I left email open to her to contact me if she really wants to, which she does every other week, and i think your right just to check and make sure I am still here waiting for her, I wouldnt mind just keeping that open though, I am having a great time right now with friends and random women, so its not like I am getting more hurt by her, and I know for a fact the second I meet someone that I like enough, and she feels the same as I do, I would get into a relationship. Then the EX will lose the string attached.

[TheJorge]

Well it's a good thing that you realize that she's just trying to keep you as a back up plan, hopefully you'll be able to find that right person to help you move to the next step. good luck

[Cheeks18]

Well it's a good thing that you realize that she's just trying to keep you as a back up plan, hopefully you'll be able to find that right person to help you move to the next step. good luck

 

Thanks, and I really hope that this new women comes along soon, I really want to get to the next step and be back to loveing one women and enjoying life to its fullest!!!