Jump to content

how can you stop it? guys are so mean


Gratsy
How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

Recommended Posts

Guys are not mean. People can sometimes be mean, but it is certainly not specific to the male gender.

 

When something is happening in our lives over and over, we have to step back and figure out what we are putting out there that's causing this pattern to keep reoccurring. You are obviously attracted to and/or attracting a certain type of person consistently. Time to open the eyes and do a little soul-searching and figure out why and how to stop it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, you know what I would give to have guys interested in making me their friend?

 

Every time I start associating with a guy, things are great in the beginning, until he finds out I don't "like" him. Then he never wants to talk to me again. All guys want me for are relationships or sex, they never want to be my friend.

 

I'd trade places with you anytime lol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, you know what I would give to have guys interested in making me their friend?

 

Every time I start associating with a guy, things are great in the beginning, until he finds out I don't "like" him. Then he never wants to talk to me again. All guys want me for are relationships or sex, they never want to be my friend.

 

I'd trade places with you anytime lol.

 

All single guys will be interested in relationships or sex if they are attracted to you. Neither you nor they can help that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Really? I don't think you would. I used to have guys do that but I've learned to avoid those types over time and those types who are obviously interested, I don't lead on by engaging in a friendship with them.

 

Well, I honestly don't know how you meant that, but it sounds like you think I'm lying or something. Believe what you will, but it's silly to tell me what I would and wouldn't do.

 

And I don't really engage friendship with anybody, due to my shyness, so I can't relate, but a lot of guys engage friendship with me, and I don't see any hint of interest, it just seems like they're trying to befriend me. They always either were always into me, and just didn't show it, or they started to like me over time. Either way, it's been impossible for me to retain a friendship with any guy because of this. I even started dressing horribly (pajamas and t-shirts, jeans and guy shirts, sweats, etc) to try to avoid it, but it never worked. Anyway, my point was: I don't lead them on either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I honestly don't know how you meant that, but it sounds like you think I'm lying or something. Believe what you will, but it's silly to tell me what I would and wouldn't do.

 

And I don't really engage friendship with anybody, due to my shyness, so I can't relate, but a lot of guys engage friendship with me, and I don't see any hint of interest, it just seems like they're trying to befriend me. They always either were always into me, and just didn't show it, or they started to like me over time. Either way, it's been impossible for me to retain a friendship with any guy because of this. I even started dressing horribly (pajamas and t-shirts, jeans and guy shirts, sweats, etc) to try to avoid it, but it never worked. Anyway, my point was: I don't lead them on either.

 

it sounded kind of arrogant...like, "I'm so hot that I have all the guys after me for sex, I wish I had your problem," or something. Anyhow, I've had guys do that to me, but I learned, as I said before, to not lead them on...if you haven't found out how to tell if a guy is crushing on you through the means of befriending you versus a guy who is willing to just be friends, then you're different from me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it sounded kind of arrogant...like, "I'm so hot that I have all the guys after me for sex, I wish I had your problem," or something. Anyhow, I've had guys do that to me, but I learned, as I said before, to not lead them on...if you haven't found out how to tell if a guy is crushing on you through the means of befriending you versus a guy who is willing to just be friends, then you're different from me.

 

It didn't sound arrogant at all. You interpreted it that way. When you take what I said, and extrapolate it into "I'm so hot that I have all the guys after me for sex, I wish I had your problem," of course it's going to sound arrogant. I suppose you can interpret things as you wish, but that's not how I meant it and it's a false interpretation. For the record, I don't consider myself hot at all, and I've always felt lesser because guys couldn't see themselves being a friend to me. I feel like no one can take me seriously. Whatever though, doesn't really matter- I don't really have any advise to give. I wish you luck with your problem.

 

Edit: and as far as not being able to tell the difference between whether or not a guy is into me- that's not the case. With many guys it takes their interest a long time to develop, so that's not applicable there. Many others don't want to show their interest. It's easy to avoid friendship with guys that wear their heart on their sleeve, but that's not always the case with every guy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, you know what I would give to have guys interested in making me their friend?

 

Every time I start associating with a guy, things are great in the beginning, until he finds out I don't "like" him. Then he never wants to talk to me again. All guys want me for are relationships or sex, they never want to be my friend.

 

I'd trade places with you anytime lol.

 

I have this problem too, I'll have a great friendship with a guy (even when I am in a relationship and they KNOW this) only for them to completely drop me when they're sick of "chasing me" completely unaware, yknow. I will have NO CLUE that their intentions are anything other than friendship, yet they'll get fed up with feeling lead on or rejected by me, when really I just want a friend!

It's happened a few times and made me pretty bitter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In most cases if a guy is extending friendship to you rather than trying to jump in your pants it might be for several reasons:

 

1. Not really attracted, but finds you enjoyable enough a person to converse with.

2. Thinks you're way out of his league and can only hope to bask in the light of your existence, Also they may just be too shy and/or respectful to attempt more.

3. Likes you but isn't in a position to pursue a relationship with you. Possibly already taken or interested in someone else.

 

also, if you find someone you like who isn't reciprocating, they may also just not even realize you're putting out signals for any number of reasons.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think them being friends with you is leading them on. That means they genuinely like you and enjoy being around you. Maybe they like you in a romantic way, maybe they don't. Maybe they don't know you like them? Maybe you are overlooking a male friend who actually is interested. I can't give you the for sure answer, though I do think it is great that you have male friends. I have very few, and with every one of them, it was frustrating to get past the "oh, we're friends, so you must want to date me" stage. It made things awkward.

 

It just seems like a strange question you are asking. It's a good thing for people wanting to be your friend. I'm guessing that you are having more "friends" than love interests though, and that could be really frustrated. But I think a few of them probably are interested or had been point, and you just aren't quite aware. More guys will come along. Just befriend more of them. Someone is bound to really like you in a romantic way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

a guy trying to be your friend is mean? or it's mean because he wants to be your friend yet you find him attractive?

 

Its kind of mean to lead a girl on, without considering her feelings. Meaning, guys will be my friend because I pay attention to them, I make them feel good. Yet, I get nothing in return, which, I want love. I waste time on them before I realize all they will ever want from me is an ego boost. It pisses them off when I cut off contact, which is stupid, considering that I was giving them all this stuff for free.

 

In most cases if a guy is extending friendship to you rather than trying to jump in your pants it might be for several reasons:

 

1. Not really attracted, but finds you enjoyable enough a person to converse with.

2. Thinks you're way out of his league and can only hope to bask in the light of your existence, Also they may just be too shy and/or respectful to attempt more.

3. Likes you but isn't in a position to pursue a relationship with you. Possibly already taken or interested in someone else.

 

also, if you find someone you like who isn't reciprocating, they may also just not even realize you're putting out signals for any number of reasons.

 

What about a guy who tries to turn you into an FWB after you've been good friends talking on the phone, and hanging out for three years?

 

 

I don't think them being friends with you is leading them on. That means they genuinely like you and enjoy being around you. Maybe they like you in a romantic way, maybe they don't. Maybe they don't know you like them? Maybe you are overlooking a male friend who actually is interested. I can't give you the for sure answer, though I do think it is great that you have male friends. I have very few, and with every one of them, it was frustrating to get past the "oh, we're friends, so you must want to date me" stage. It made things awkward.

 

It just seems like a strange question you are asking. It's a good thing for people wanting to be your friend. I'm guessing that you are having more "friends" than love interests though, and that could be really frustrated. But I think a few of them probably are interested or had been point, and you just aren't quite aware. More guys will come along. Just befriend more of them. Someone is bound to really like you in a romantic way.

 

This post is true. I have several male friends who are absolutely wonderful to me, but basically, yeah, even though friendship is wonderful...I'm really looking to settle down and get married at some point. sniff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why do guys try to make me their friend?

 

Male-female friendship is most often code for following:

 

1) I am not attracted to you enough to have sex with you

2) I would like to have sex with you but I am not brave enough to ask you on a proper date or direct asking about sex.

 

It's simple, really....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Male-female friendship is most often code for following:

 

1) I am not attracted to you enough to have sex with you

2) I would like to have sex with you but I am not brave enough to ask you on a proper date or direct asking about sex.

 

It's simple, really....

Not simple. One, for instance, wanted sex, but he didn't want a relationship...it wasn't about being brave. He knew I wanted a relationship. I didn't give him sex, although I was a very good friend to him and well, usually he was a good friend to me. I don't want male female friendships anymore, they don't benefit me in very many ways.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the person who posted "I would trade places with you anytime" was trying to give you a complement....guys enjoy your company and want to be your friend. That can be seen as a nice thing by others. Since you were offended and took it to another level, I wonder if you also do that with the guys your friends with. Maybe they see some qualities of over-reaction or misunderstanding their intentions and decide you'd be a better friend than girlfriend...?? I have no idea, really, but I was surprised by your reaction and the following "This is an advice forum.. (suggestion that someone was trying to divert attention from you)". People are trying to relate to you or tell you a little about their own experiences and your reaction has been off-putting. Maybe some guys are experiencing the same things with you. Like they want to be your friend and then you accuse them of leading you on or assume all guys are the same and decide you don't even want male friends anymore.

Just offering something to think about.....naturally you know the situation better than myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't really want to change the subject too much, so I'll just say this: I didn't see the practicality/advice aspect of telling me about something in one's own personal experience that was completely unrelated if not a polar opposite of what I was going through. I'm here for advice. Anyhow, the past couple of posters have actually focused at the topic at hand, which is really what I hoped for when posting the topic...so I'm kind of hoping it stays that way. Thank you for your input though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am on topic. I am saying that when a guy says "I just want to be your friend" maybe you're hearing "you're not good enough to be my girlfriend" when it's not meant to be hurtful. In this post when someone was trying to say, "You're lucky...I wish I had a lot of guy friends" you heard "I think I'm hot and everyone wants me". When someone shared something with you about themselves you heard, "I want to change the subject"

So, I'm suggesting that maybe you have a pattern of dis-servicing yourself by twisting people's words and intentions to be a personal attack instead of focusing on the postitives which are that you are fun to be around, they enjoy your company and so on.

The guys you are friends with presumably are nice themselves and fun to be around which is why you're attracted to them. So, they're intention is not likely to be to lead you on.

Maybe instead of looking to the guys you've established as "friends", you could join something like link removed or ask a friend to introduce you to some other guys so that the intentions are a little clearer from the start (ie- they know you're looking to date and not just be friends).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Savignon. Your earlier posts almost sounded like you were somewhat attacking the other user on Page 1. But really, it's true that if you have lots of guy friends, you already have what many of us want-men who are friends and not looking at us in a romantic sense. I'd love to have more guy friends. I don't think I actually have a single really good male friend who isn't interested or wasn't in the past. It gets frustrating.

 

I think you just need to meet some more guys and make some more male friends. I think a few of them are bound to have a romantic interest in you if they have a friendly interest already. Someone you know might even be interested, and you could possibly just be unaware like I mentioned earlier. I think you need to try meeting more men though, because the ones you already have as friends don't seem to want a relationship (or you don't with them).

 

If you like one of your male friends, why don't you just make a move? Or flat out ask him if he wants to date you? What do you have to lose? If he is really your friend, there might be a little bit of awkwardness if he doesn't want to, but it will pass. And you may find out that he is interested.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...