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Talking with my girlfriend.


Johnnyz

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Alright well I just joined up with this site hoping to get some feedback on a current dilemma I'm facing with my girlfriend.

 

She lives about 2 hours away from me so I only really get to see her on weekends...This forces us to use the internet voice chat and msn due to long distance charges etc. It seems that when we're in person everything is cool and we have so much fun. We both seem to love eachother very much...Tonight she was talking to me and said something was bothering her...and the one thing bothering her was that we don't seem to have much to talk about when we're not together...I mean is this unusual...how can I fix this?! I love the girl so much we get along so well...I need HELP!!

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Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

 

 

How often do you talk with her, and for how long?

 

I talk to her for about 3-4 hours a night usually...sometimes even more. Just seems like we run out of stuff to talk about...Its hard to explain really...she brought it up tonight and it made me feel terrible...its a big thing.

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Ok, well first- I can see why you 2 are running out of things to talk about. That is a lot of talking

 

Some couples like to talk every day, and that is fine- but 3-4 hours is very time consuming. I think you should shorten the length of time that you talk and give each other a chance to miss one another.

 

A nice "how was your day?" and letting one another know that you care before saying "goodnight" would probably do the trick- and that can be done in 10 minutes.

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I agree with Belladonna. Talking everyday is great - but for us, some nights it was as simple as "how was your day?" etc. I don't know anyone who can engage someone in 35-42 hours of conversation in a week. Of course you are going to run out of things to talk about, and when you try to force it, it will feel weird.

 

Think about it like this, it is about the QUALITY of the conversation, not the QUANTITY of conversation.

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This summer has taught me a lot about relationship communication. I used to be one of those, "If we can't talk for several hours a day, every day, then something must be wrong!" types of people. However, after experiencing some frustration and growing pains, I realized this just isn't realistic.

 

Sometimes, when you don't have much to talk about, you need to limit your conversations to 5-10 minutes, with general stuff about how your day was, etc... Don't force the conversation into something that it's not. If there is a long pause, end it, and go about your business. Trust me, you'll have MUCH more to talk about if you go out and do stuff, rather than sitting around talking about the stuff you would like to do.

 

Also, some days a quick text or e-mail is all that's necessary. You don't need to talk on the phone every day. If you talk less, the conversations you have will mean that much more, and it won't feel as stressed. But make sure to communicate these thoughts to your girlfriend. Let her know that you understand the problem, but in order to work on it, you guys have to become more active and live your lives. Talking 3-4 hours every day is spending about 25% of your awake time with each other, which really doesn't leave time for other things.

 

Just my two cents.

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