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Why do people seem to need so much freakin' support?


hexaemeron
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Li...
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Like This

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So, in my own life, and in reading these forums, I continually see people who can barely tie their own shoes constantly asking for emotional/physical/mental/spiritual support. I understand that no one is an island and we all need a shoulder or a swift kick in the trou now and then, but that's not what I'm talking about.

 

I read a post about someone disliking their job and being upset that the bf didn't totally coddle her about it.

 

Why do so many people seem to need constant and unending support?

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One possible answer:

 

They never learned how to provide that kind of comfort and care to themselves.

 

I'm fairly self-sufficient, and it's only when the Really Big Stuff comes up that I'll go looking for outside support....even then my first urge is to hole up at home....alone.

 

Otherwise, it's me and my journal (either the handwritten one or the online one).

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Lack of confidence or assurance that they’re doing the right thing… No offence to anyone in particular but a lot of people on the forum ask questions and complain about the silliest of subjects…probably why I only post on “serious” topics. You also have people who are really indecisive, they feel they are too close to the situation and are afraid to take the next step (Dependent Variety). There’s nothing wrong with these people in particular, they just want to be sure they don’t come off wrong expressing themselves in real life…

 

That's my opinion at least

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Why is it wrong for wanting to be comforted and get some sympathy from someone close to you about a situation you are not happy in?

 

I would be disapointed if my guy did'nt try to listen when I was having a rough time at work, I would'nt necessarily come and post about it, but they were obviously feeling down enough to do so, so leave em' alone. There could be other underlying issues around it.

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One possible answer:

 

They never learned how to provide that kind of comfort and care to themselves.

 

I'm fairly self-sufficient, and it's only when the Really Big Stuff comes up that I'll go looking for outside support....even then my first urge is to hole up at home....alone.

 

Otherwise, it's me and my journal (either the handwritten one or the online one).

 

 

See, this is how I am. I never had anyone to turn to in my early life, so I just learned to be self-sufficient and eventually, I found it quite liberating to know that no matter what happened, I could handle it.

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That is after all why our forum exists. Those that don't need any support don't even come here.

 

avman, point taken. But that's not what I'm talking about. It's the difference between offering occasional insight and constantly and unendingly propping other people up. That's more what I"m talking about.

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Some people just like to feel some type of support, and to be soothed, and calmed down so they can have the feeling that things will be okay when they have something roaming through their mind. I have come accross some topics where I had to scratch my head, and wonder if they really had to ask that.

 

As for myself, I am more like you, and don't feel a need for those kind of things, and would rather deal with it myself. I generally don't feel the need to share my problems and issues, and the same goes with in person. I prefer going over it in my own mind until I can figure it out.

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Why is it wrong for wanting to be comforted and get some sympathy from someone close to you about a situation you are not happy in?

 

I would be disapointed if my guy did'nt try to listen when I was having a rough time at work, I would'nt necessarily come and post about it, but they were obviously feeling down enough to do so, so leave em' alone. There could be other underlying issues around it.

 

Well, nothing, I suppose, in theory. Maybe this is just a guy thing. I'd rather fix something than talk about it and look for support. (About most things, but definitely not all)

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It's like when people cant go to the bathrooms at restaurants alone. No one is judging them b/c they have to pee but they want the support there to make sure no one is judging them.

 

I admit I need a lot of "parental" support, mostly b/c I've never had it and don't know where to get it since my parents still can't provide it. So when I enter in relationships, I latch on tightly to the boyfriend's parents so I can feel like I have a set of my own. I'm not sure what it is I'm seeking when I do this, but that's the strongest form of support I find myself needing and looking for, often in vain.

 

Otherwise, I'm able to support myself well. At least I like to think so. I don't let things get me down and I'm starting to learn the burden of personal responsibilty. No one can make me like a job if I hate it, so why would I demand that they try? There's only so much listening a person can do before they eventually have to tell the person "either suck it up or find another job". Otherwise, that person is just a whiner who doesn't want to do for themselves what they're perfectly capable of doing. That's noone else's fault.

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I think a lot of it has to do with a desire for attention, some people also want others to have answers for them all the time. They probably do this with family and friends as much as they do here.

 

Sometimes there isn't a way to be supportive or answer the dilemma.

I know the cases you're talking about.

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I think maybe this site lets them get support on issues they feel are too minor to bring up with friends and family. No one wants their friends and family to think they are constantly moaning or asking for advice, but on here it gan be gained without judgement if that makes sense.

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Um, why are you posting on a forum that gives support if you dont want to hear about it? Like everyone else says, if you dont like it you can leave you know.

 

For me, Im having an extremely hard time getting over the ex. Unnaturally so..So yes, I will write threads about it when something happens. I dont know if Im one of those that post over and over about the same prob, however, I am impulsive. So I might take advice for a while but then I act on emotion or impulse and usually I just need to vent or figure out how to make things right. Its only in this isolated incident bc something about my ex is driving me coo coo for coco puffs. Not many of my friends know the extent of it so I come here, its my safe haven.

 

Also, a lot of ppl who come on during the day are mostly at work. When your bored at work, anything is possible. lol

 

Lastly, there are also those ppl that just dont know what to do. They have to have someone approve or solve every prob in their life. Im sure whoever created the site and receiving money from it def doesnt have a problem with that.

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See, this is how I am. I never had anyone to turn to in my early life, so I just learned to be self-sufficient and eventually, I found it quite liberating to know that no matter what happened, I could handle it.

 

It is good that you feel strong and independent enough, really. But would you have chosen beforehand to have nobody to turn to or was that just how the cards were dealt so you learnt how to cope?

 

Granted I agree that some situations are daft - like if you cheat or something and want support for it but other people come here to not be alone. A whole multitude of reasons could apply - for example, if you have anxiety problems or a type of illness, unique circumstances, turbulent past etc that mean you can't deal with these things like others can do easily. Problems are relative to the person involved and sometimes, it can be difficult to handle alone. That's the point of ENA.

 

I agree though that some of it is silly or self inflicted and that people come on looking for validation. I don't agree with those types of posts but I do understand ones like I mentioned above.

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See, this is how I am. I never had anyone to turn to in my early life, so I just learned to be self-sufficient and eventually, I found it quite liberating to know that no matter what happened, I could handle it.

 

Yeah...when you figure that out, the whole world changes, doesn't it?

 

As far as I can remember, I was always writing....interacting with people (even as a kid) was a very hit-or-miss kinda thing. More often than not, I walked away feeling misunderstood or just....not right.

 

So when the Really Big Stuff does crop up and I can't handle it myself, I'm much more likely to hightail it to a paid professional and confront it in therapy. Much quicker and more likely to result in what's actually going to assist me in dealing with whatever than casting around blindly for support from generally well-meaning but non-professional others.

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Yeah...when you figure that out, the whole world changes, doesn't it?

 

As far as I can remember, I was always writing....interacting with people (even as a kid) was a very hit-or-miss kinda thing. More often than not, I walked away feeling misunderstood or just....not right.

 

So when the Really Big Stuff does crop up and I can't handle it myself, I'm much more likely to hightail it to a paid professional and confront it in therapy. Much quicker and more likely to result in what's actually going to assist me in dealing with whatever than casting around blindly for support from generally well-meaning but non-professional others.

 

So why did you feel the need to join ENA?

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I don't think he is criticizing the whole of ena and saying people should stop talking about their problems but I think we all agree there are some things in life you just have to deal with and buck up! It will only benefit you in the end to get a bit more hearty.

 

Yes, that's it exactly, Iffy. There's a difference between introducing a situation and asking for perspectives and input and someone whining about something just to whine about it.

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This is what the site is for. Your going to get people that need, help advice and support on this forum.

 

Some people arent as strong yet, or havent learned enough lessons in life to get there on the end. Some people are young...every one is different and everyone learns how to be strong and self sufficient in their own time and own way and some people are just sensetive to life.

 

Some people need propping up from others until they make it on their own, until they get to the point they realise they dont need propping anymore.

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I think that there is a significant amount of people out there who just like to talk about things, they just need to vent. They really dont want advice even though it may be inferred that they are looking for advice. People's problems whether their own or other peoples gives them conversation topics.

 

Of course there are those people who need a tremendous amount of support but I think that probably due to their lack of support when growing up or feelings of insecurity about their own actions.

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I know for me I'm not in school right now and bored because all my friends are miles away. My parents don't give advice really and my sister is very judgmental. So I come here when I want advice. And I spend time reading posts from others that sound like things i'm going through so I can see what others say about it. I'm sure once my life gets busy again i'll go back to not needing this kind of support group because i'll be back with my friends from school. Some people don't have anyone to turn to even for the small stuff..

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