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May have to work in the same place as my ex.. ****!


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Split up 7 weeks ago. Overall it was my fault. I had things I needed to sort out in my life that she couldn't cope with. She has issues of her own but still little bit in denial. Pushes it all under to cope type thing. The split was instigated by her though it was mutual as we both knew I had things to work on. It was our second in 9 months. Nothing nasty at all in the whole time we were together just lots of deep feelings, care and attraction but we lost the intimacy as I held back then so did she.

 

I tried to reconcile twice to no avail. I had made changes, been working on issues for a long time in my life and continue to make changes that I need to make. I'm very aware of myself and work hard at dealing with my ****. There is alot of history to that but its best to say I had come a long way and being in a relationship was the only way to access the feelings to get the last of this stuff sorted. i was in love..i think she was but neither of us said it. Its pity we had to split up to move through this but i had to do it on my own, even though i would have liked to have hung on. We are both gutted it didnt happen.

 

NC and LC plus some emails since the split. She was confused. I called last week to explain as its taken me a while to sort it in my own head. Sent some emails and a card to try and give us some closure. Everything was well received. lots of compliments and understanding going both ways. I said goodbye in the card and told her maybe life with find a way to bring us together when I'm through all this. She had the same thoughts and ended her email by saying she didnt expect to hear from me again and I had to let her go. i think she reckoned I was too dependent. Maybe a little..who isnt when you are in love. It did annoy me though as she didnt seem to acknowledge what I have been through. I didnt open up enough while we were together plus a bit of low self esteem..which all is so unlike me. I was just scared she wouldnt take it well plus she isnt as forward emotionally as me so it seemed a bit 1-way at times. It was the first relationship in a long time for both of us.

 

We're both self employed. So this week I get possible offer of work on the project she is on. Work is tight so i want to but dont know how I can handle this. I'm letting her go but its been hard. She seems further on but then she is all tough on the outside but still a very frank person, so when she says its over I have to go with that. Its total NC now..7 days in. I need the work but not the heartache of seeing her. Any advice on this and how i could make it easier for me and her please....What affect will it have on her do you reckon? I am not over her.

 

Thoughts anyone? I'm already running the scenarios through my head. Nightmare lol!!!!!!!!

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It runs until mid Oct. She is on it 4 days a week. I would be on it within next 2-3 weeks. Its massive so I wouldnt be in the same dept but I will see her. I want to sort things out. It seems she doesnt right now so for me NC is the only way..that will ensure I do what I need to do for myself but at the same time I would like her to feel the emptiness of not seeing me at all.

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I do.. I dont want her to think I'm on the job as she's on it. Not that I have done anything to suggest i would do that kind of thing. We met on a similar job. its something i do when I cant do my normal work and its her regular industry. plus she will be surrounded by loads of her friends who know about us and what happened. From her perspective.

 

i really dont think I will like seeing her. It will just keep me in there. Can i rise above it..yes.. but I'm an emotional person and it will kill me inside.

 

There is also the thought that her seeing me will bring back her feelings..but i dont want to get into silly notions like that but I have to acknowledge its in my head. Since I was having problems in my life it would be nice for her to see how much I have moved on..the beneit of the work i have been doing, but I dont know if I can act all confident when my heart is bubbling away inside. And part of me also doesnt want to see her and realise its dead for her. Though that fragment of false hope could do with being quashed.

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