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No bday wish from her :(


livepast00

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That should be a great start right there. Its your birthday and she said nothing. If she cared or you meant anything to her, she would have.

 

If it was her birthday you would have wished her happy b day, but she didnt.

 

She has not contacted you for 4 months, its time to give up hope and move on.

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That sucks...and I'm not looking forward to that day myself.

 

It either means she didn't remember, thought it best not to as to not give you false hope or she isn't over you and is scared of contacting. I feel so sorry for you. This may hurt you for a while. But its your birthday - what would you like to do more than anything else?

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When we dont hear from our exes on days like these it sure enforces that NC is in place.

Exactly. That's what NC is all about. It tells you that it is OVER. Once a relationship is over, neither side owes anything to the other. You are now EX. It's past and over and done with, etc etc. No b/day wish is just confirming it all.

 

Best to forget about it and move on.

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Why does it have to be this way though? Why does everyone on ENA say that you must never stay in touch with exes? I understand if the ex couple can no longer stand each other, then it's in their best interest perhaps, but if the breakup was fairly smooth, why can't you stay friends?

 

I am a dumpee but the dumper still contacts me. So I guess I'm still friends with her. Though I'll admit it is hard sometimes, as I still have feelings for her and want to be with her. But at the same time I don't want to go NC. I dunno, I'm really confused.

 

Livepast - if you are the dumpee, then move on. She clearly isn't interested in you anymore. There's nothing you can do.

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Being friends with a dumper is like saying - you didn't really hurt me I'm fine. Carry on seeing your new fella. If that is the case then be friends but not if they hurt you without good reason to. In the long run you are only showing them that being bad has no consequence. So how can the dumper evolve/grow up if there is no shock for them?

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Though I'll admit it is hard sometimes, as I still have feelings for her and want to be with her. But at the same time I don't want to go NC. I dunno, I'm really confused.

 

If you have feelings and still in contact then you cant move on. Going NC is like going cold turkey. it is the best and quickest way to move on if you still have feelings for the ex. Like you say you have feelings and want to be with her but you wont move on until you cut that cord

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I agree that she did you a favor by not acknowledging your birthday. You don't have to wonder, this omission speaks volumes.

 

My ex made a big hoopla over my birthday: gave me an expensive and very thoughtful gift, brought a cake to our rehearsal (we are in a music group together), and TEXTED me ON my birthday (he had never texted me before - he had just gotten a cellphone on our second time around - bit of a technophobe). This was in June, 10 months after he broke up with me. He then initiated a walk on a beautiful moonlit summer night (after a month of constant rain) with me a few weeks later and poured his heart out about his guilt, about his life, about his therapy. Tell me this wasn't confusing and made me feel WORSE? I know now it was guilt and maybe he's in a 12 step program as he asked me how he could make amends to me.

 

I would rather he just ignored it completely and there would be no question about any possible feelings he might have. I am pretty certain it was about his guilt but why, why would a dumper do such a thing? I would NEVER do this to a man I dumped as I would KNOW it would be misleading and unfair.

 

Count your blessings. I know it hurts, I do....but you are better off in the long run with NC and will heal much faster.

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Why does it have to be this way though? Why does everyone on ENA say that you must never stay in touch with exes? I understand if the ex couple can no longer stand each other, then it's in their best interest perhaps, but if the breakup was fairly smooth, why can't you stay friends?

It's a psychological phenomenon known as "group think." Read up on that a bit, and the dogma will make perfect sense.

 

"NC" is a general recommendation that may or may not be right for you. It's definitely right for some people. But every situation is different, and only you -- not any of the strangers here -- can know what you'll be most comfortable with.

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It's my ex's birthday in less than a week, she's the dumper, and I'm definitely sending her a text!

 

I've finally found a way to deal with her that I'm comfortable with. I'll only contact her when I REALLY need to or want to. For as long as I don't have something really important to say to her, then it's NC. And hey, in the meantime, she'll probably contact me anyway.

 

Thanks for the advice Brownstone btw, I think you're right. If you're the dumpee and you're a complete mess, you NEED to go NC to protect yourself and keep some dignity.

 

If on the other hand you're over someone, have moved on with your life and feel confident again, then I don't see a problem with staying in touch and seeing each other again, as friends, and then who knows...

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She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

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