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I am really new to this but I need some honest, non-biased advice...

 

Okay. Me and my fiancee have been together officially for 3 years, but we have known each other for close to 6 years (since the 8th grade where we originally dated). We dated in the 8th grade for a few months NOTHING SERIOUS but we always stayed in touch... Feelings always stayed there... We started back really communicating our junior year in high school. Then my father passed away that thanksgiving (2006). And we became official like a week after.

 

We are both 19. Which is young, but I have always loved him and the thought of being with someone else has never crossed my mind... since i met him (8th grade) Hes all I know and really all i want to know. WE became pregnant our senior year in high school. (and i say we because he gained as much weight and slept as much as i did) lol He handled it well. In fact, he was excited. I was the one freaking out... We had our son in may of 2008 and he has been overall a great dad.

 

We have had problems throughout our relationship that other people consider petty or NOT SERIOUS compared to other peoples relationship problems.

For instance,

Occassionally, I would find out that he had been in contact with an ex-girlfriend (by phone or internet... NEVER IN PERSON) and he would feel the need to i guess "test" himself. As if to see if he wanted to could he get her back. Like he would talk to her as if he still had feelings for her, but then at the end of the conversation let her know he was lying and end contact with her.

 

But to me I feel that there is a obviously something wrong if he constantly feels the need to look for and seek attention from his exs. Even though he doesnt take it anywhere... ISNT THIS STILL A PROBLEM????

 

Another issue that I am having is that when he gets upset he says really hurtful things to me... Like he says what he KNOWS will hurt me. But then when hes back to normal hell apologize and take it all back. But I have always said that the truth is always said within argument. What do you think???

 

Recently we found out that I am pregnant again. But I have been having a lot of complications with this pregnancy and I honestly dont think it is going to happen, but its like when he learned this. He started kind of distancing himself from me emotionally. Like he was still with me everyday, but it was as if he looked for something to be wrong. Like all of a sudden he started going out when he wanted... He would say he doesnt need my permission and that he could do what he wanted, He was too young to be going through this (referring to me dispuiting him going out). No matter whether i had a legitimate reason or not. He didnt care. We went through this for about a week than he got over it. I just thought it was typical behavior. All because he might have been feeling like things were happening too soon... Which I do feel too. I just didnt understand why he had to handle it the way he did.

 

Hes a good guy and compared to most guys especially around his age hes great!!!! I can honestly admit that most the problems in our relationship are small. But doesnt a few small problems turn into ONE BIG MESS???

 

I NEED SOME ADVICE...

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i think these things he is doing...like seeking attention even if its not serious, is wrong and VERY hurtful. It might be that he's scared about this pregnancy and because you guys are young.

 

I think you should sit down and talk to him about what's going on with him. Is he scared? Does he feel like he's under a lot of pressure with this pregnancy? Do you think he's still trying to have some fun while he's young? These issues could turn into a big ordeal if they are not dealt with and the same problems keep reoccuring. So sit down at an appropriate time and have a serious talk. See what he says.

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I think the all f it was a reaction to you guys possibly having another child. im sure things are not super easy right now, then add another kid. This will pass though im sure.

 

Have you told him how you feel about what he says. that your glad and thankful he takes it back but you really still feel offended and that it is a problem? this wont change unless you can convince him or until he matures a bit more.

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Occassionally, I would find out that he had been in contact with an ex-girlfriend (by phone or internet... NEVER IN PERSON) and he would feel the need to i guess "test" himself. As if to see if he wanted to could he get her back. Like he would talk to her as if he still had feelings for her, but then at the end of the conversation let her know he was lying and end contact with her.

 

Hes a good guy and compared to most guys especially around his age hes great!!!!

 

A good guy doesn't pull a stunt like this. Imagine how that other girl felt. What kind of a human being does something like this, emotionally cheating on his wife and then saying to the other woman basically "ha, ha, joke's on you!". Your fiancé is NOT a good guy..he is selfish and lacking in empathy and compassion...he is very immature. I think you two should hold off getting married because what you are experiencing now will get worse as time goes on..and I would refrain from having any more children with this guy.

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I agree with CrazyaboutDogs, he doesn't sound like a good guy at all. He sounds quite nasty in fact. I wouldn't consider him flirting with his ex, emotionally, and then dropping her to hurt her feelings as a small problem, it would be a very big problem to me! I would be like what the hell are you doing that for, why do you care? My boyfriend would be in serious trouble if he was doing something like that and to be honest, I think I would break up with him.

 

I agree that you guys are very young and all of this may be way too soon, to settle down with a life partner. Maybe he wants to get away from that and live his life, maybe you do, but you will have two children soon. Do you wish you had lived your life a little first? No disrespect though, I understand the joys that children can bring to someone's life.

 

Also the saying of the hurtful things in an argument, I don't like that sort of thing. I don't even like cursing at my boyfriend when we fight, because even though I am angry, I don't want to hurt his feelings that much!

 

You guys need to talk I think, about what you both want. It doesnt sound like you talk an awful lot about how you feel to each other, is that right? You need to tell him what you have written here basically. I agree that his recent phase of going out could have been due to feeling overwhelmed by another baby coming along.

 

All in all, I don't think he is a good guy really and you deserve to be treated better.

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First I want to say thanks to all you for your advice..

I totally agree that him playing with his ex's feelings is horrible... But at the same time I am a little grateful that he is REALLY playing with them instead of being serious. Keep in mind this has happened maybe twice in the last 3 years. . . I shouldnt have happenede AT ALL but it did.

 

I think because I know we are young I do give him a little extra slack... Because if we were a little older maybe 25-26. I would NOT put up with it, but I think that he does need some time to fully mature and get himself totally together.

 

We arent planning our wedding soon. We already decided when he proposed that we wanted to wait until we both graduated from college... You know give it a few years. Make sure that we can last.

 

I dont feel like I missed out on living my life because I was never the type of girl that like going out to the clubs or hanging out doing nothing... Ive kind of always been a house body. His recent rebellion I feel has been due to the second pregnancy because he kind of did the same thing when i was pregnant with our first child... But it kind of worries me. Even though it only last about a week and then he gets over it and we dont plan on having anymore children (if this one makes it) for about 9 years... I dont want to have to worry about him acting this way if im pregnant.

 

Most guys his age arent even involved with their children or their mother at all. But hes here everyday... And while i know thats great! I get tired of hearing "YOU HAVE IT GREAT." "AT LEAST HES AROUND." "COMPARED TO US YOU HAVE IT MADE."

 

DOES HE DESERVE CREDIT JUST FOR BEING HERE?????

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But at the same time I am a little grateful that he is REALLY playing with them instead of being serious. Keep in mind this has happened maybe twice in the last 3 years.

 

So he didn't actually cheat..but this behaviour, the fact that it happened twice, not just once...shows a very nasty, horrible side to him. Egging on an ex just to basically kick her into the dirt when he is done toying with her is a nasty thing to do...just because he didn't follow through doesn't mean anything..because if he is capable of being this cruel to an ex, imagine what he will do to you in the future when he needs some entertainment.

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  • 3 weeks later...

As I thought went happen eveything has gone back to being great. Hes being more considerate than ever and recently started rubbing my belly. Which he wasnt doing when all this was going on!!!

 

he may not know it but he showed me what was bothering him!!!

 

it was the pregnancy afterall. But I think hes okay now. Hes even talking about names and everything. I guess it just took him sometime to get use to the idea of another baby!

 

THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE AND OPINIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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