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I hate what I've become...


Maverick32x
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I really hate where I'm at in my life right now.... I look back on the "glory days"... where I was spontaneous and fun.. and just an all around good guy...... I used to do things on a whim and had an adventerous lifestyle... I used to have my eyebrow pierced, and walk around with self-esteem seeping out of my pores.... I felt I could light up any conversation or event in a heartbeat..... now I feel the exact opposite... like I've regressed back to my grade school days of being shy and unable to talk to anyone...

 

Now I work 5 days a week in an office... my job is the most exciting part of my life.. I go out on the weekends with friends, but its not the same... well... it IS the same.. its the same thing constantly!!! I want to shake things up like the good ole days.... I enjoy the company I'm with.. but I look back on all the crazy shananigins I got into... and I miss them.... Is this growing up?

 

I feel like I have to act like a 40 year old man with the responsiblities I've been given.... Deep down inside I want to still be a kid... but I realize my job makes me act much older.. and I wonder how much of that spills over to my social life... I went out with my friends to a club tonight, and I used to be able to rip it up, and flirt with whoever and have no problems making those connections... now I feel like a fish out of water and just freeze up and am only able to talk with those in my immediate party.....

 

I hate growing up, and I want to be fun again!!!!

end vent.

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I mean, obviously things have changed, and you do have more responsibilities than you used to. But you should look at the fact that you have a job you enjoy as a constructive step forward in building a good life.

 

And I mean, in terms of just having fun, a lot of it is mental. Just see if you can relax and distance your professional/responsible life from what you do with your friends on the weekend. You might find it's a lot more carefree.

 

Although I do understand what you mean by "the same thing". For a while my friends and I seemed to do the exact same thing in New York in terms of nightlife, but I changed it up with them and did some other stuff, so the old-school activities became fresh again. Try that!

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I look back on the "glory days"... where I was spontaneous and fun.. and just an all around good guy...... I used to do things on a whim and had an adventerous lifestyle... I used to have my eyebrow pierced, and walk around with self-esteem seeping out of my pores.... I felt I could light up any conversation or event in a heartbeat..... .

What changed and why did it change? I realise this sounds like a dumb question, but something must have happened for you to suddenly lead a totally different lifestyle and personality. What you describe above sounds like a really fun, happy person and I'm trying to understand what changed. I can't imagine a job changing your entire lifestyle/personality, so what else could it be?

 

Also, what's stopping you from going back to the person you describe above? (just curious).

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Geez and your only 23! Oh and us near 40's people can still get out there and have a lot of fun!

 

I think it's time you shook up your life. Yes, you have a great group of friends, but perhaps and maybe you need to get away for a bit. Try travelling. Try finding some new groups of friends and have some fun or perhaps just get over the fact that life has changed and move with your age.

 

There is no reason to stop being who you are just because of your work, but as you get older you do need to understand that you do mature and you can't live the peter pan dream forever. Life is about more than getting drunk when you are fifteen, sneaking out of home to visit girls etc etc.

 

If your life is not fun now and you are forever looking back to the good ole days, then you need to do something to make some good ole days you can look back on when you are 33.

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see... on the surface I don't have an issue with "letting work go"... I just picked up guitar for the past couple months and its a great outlet and escape throughout the week... I can play that and I'm in a good space....

 

Mixing it up might not be a bad idea... but I feel like even when that happens.. nothing really CHANGES!! I dunno, I know I need to be more proactive about my ambitions.. but I just freeze so much now... I'm not outgoing anymore.. I'm so conservative now...

 

also, capricorn... I have no idea.... I don't know if its my job or not.. but its the only thing I can think of... I'm a manager at a mental health facility, with kids that are roughly my age in it.. and I manage people that are older than my parents... so I really act like I'm at least in my 30's.. which is diffrent for me... because I'm used to being the "young kid"... and people there don't even know my age.. let alone my first name.. its all Mr. .. and its so strange and I think at some level it really changes my internal persepctive on myself...

 

what stopping me though? i have no idea.... I go out.. I want to have fun.. I want to "let loose".. but something inside of me always has an excuse, " you got to wake up tomorrow early" " you got to go do this, that and the other thing"... I can never release my responsiblities....

 

Travelling has been on my mind for a long time now... but I feel so strange trying to do it alone.. I feel like that will be the Mecca of my release from this lifestyle though... My dream is to buy a ticket to somewhere far away, and enjoy myself...... the idea is extremely tantalizing, but when I sit and think about it, I start to freeze, and I realize that I'll probably do nothing, make friends with no one.. and be miserable.. and I don't know why I think that!!! My dream is to be able to travel somewhere for a couple days, even if its close, and just kick it with complete strangers.. but I dont know if I have the guts to go out and do it......

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Maverick, is that you in your avatar? You're a gorgeous guy!!! You have so much to offer and such a great personality, don't let it go to waste!

 

Read Keyman's post a few times - he's right!

 

Next time you go out with your friends, then let the old you come back into play and just be yourself, as you really are! The more you focus on being yourself, the true you, the more chances you have of getting it back. Also, travelling is a wonderful experience and if you can do it, then go ahead. Perhaps a friend could join you? Ask around and start making plans.

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maybe save up a bunch of money, quit your job, grab your guitar and hit the road. sell your car. see where it takes you. lol, a little bit extreme, but maybe what will make you happy.

 

life does change and we do kind of have to grow up. you're not 5 years old anymore either. remember back then? so carefree and could do basically whatever you wanted. then you got a bit older....maybe 13 or something and all that seemed so childish. you changed then too.

 

summer is my time to really let go. school is out for a few months and i just work and do whatever i want after. i spend a lot of money in summers. i have to go back in like 2 weeks and i'm bummed. but at least the heat will go away soon. lol

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Sleep is overrated. The only thing that keeps me sane are goals. I get up, go to work 8-5, get out work out from 6-8 or 9 maybe go to a bar, or just go home. Sleep at 12.

 

But A. Im broke and really need money

B. Im doing track so workouts are a must.

 

Between those two needs i take up my time, weekends are like yours with friends.

 

Sleep is something i can go with limiting, i run on about 6 hours a night which isnt to bad, no rest for the wicked.

 

I guess the poing of this was to say that if you have a clear plan of what you want to do, then achieving that will be much easier. You can change your life and circumstance but its going to take some work on your part, planning trips, or events whatever, anything to change it up.

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I agree with Capicorn, you are hot!! But anyway

 

We all get into the fickle of feeling old feeling like everyone around us is having fun and your not. Your job must be very stressful.

 

I see that you live in IL like me and there is tons of places that you can go hike, exercise, sports, whatever it may be that fancies you. Get out and enjoy some fresh air. If you like to party well then go party there is nothing stopping you, but maybe your mind is telling you that your tired of that and want something new and exciting. Buy that plane ticket and go somewhere exotic, you never know maybe youll meet someone. Ask a buddy to go with. There are alot of us out here that are in the same boat as you with no idea what to do with it. I dont know where your at but around me all you see is corn fields and after a while you start feeling like your in the movie children of the corn.

 

I guess the only advice I can give is dont wait to long to live your life, we only get older. Get out there and live it up.

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thank you for all the advice (compliments etc) I do really need to "grasp" the moment.... I just realize that I put A LOT into my job.... and it does pay off.. and its rewarding in that fashion... but ya, I need to live a little..... take a couple days off.... need a summer break

 

I just always make so many excuses not to go, and I know they are just that.. excuses.... but by the end of the day I'm still sitting around..... time to change that

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...geez, man. I have relatives who are close to 40, big responsibilities and they work a lot. but they still do lots of adventurous things, like you wouldn't believe. They almost sound like high-school kids sometimes. it's quite amusing. Sounds like you just got some mental block up there messing with you, holding you back.

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