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Desperately need help! I don't understand this guy or what's happening...


Bastions Girl

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Okay. So I've had this problem for a while now and thought I was handling it well, but in the past couple of weeks it has gotten much worse and I can't figure out why or what to do about it. I actually posted here about it back in March and got some good help, but it seems the tables are shifting on me and I'm scared about what's going to happen.

 

It's kind of a long story, but the short of it is that I am a 22 year old girl with virtually no relationship experience. I started working over a year ago at my current job and have had a crush on one of my coworkers since almost day one. He's physically very attractive, we have a LOT in common, he makes me laugh and smile all the time, and we hang out outside of work. To make matters worse he flirts with me, constantly. Some good examples of stuff he does daily would be him dancing with me randomly, picking me up, telling me love song lyrics are about me, insinuating that he wants to make out with me, banter, teasing, hugging, touching, etc.. For a while there I thought he was genuinely interested until I figured out that he's just naturally flirty. However, I've never seen him flirt with anyone else the way he does with me (and we work with a lot of women) so I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. The only other girl I've seen him be more flirty than usual with is another coworker of ours who I'm pretty sure he is infatuated with. She's a lot closer to him than I am and until recently they used to hang out a lot.

 

Now for my problem: This love interest of his is moving away, far away, in a few days. He is also quitting this job we work at at the end of this month and is going to a job out-of-town. I've noticed that lately he's been even more flirty with me than usual and has been texting me more than ever. I've been trying to do a good job convincing myself that he's not interested and just sees me as a friend, but I can't help this nagging suspicion that as soon as this other girl leaves he's going to try something with me. On the one hand I really want him to--my heart beats faster just thinking that he might be interested in more than friendship--but on the other hand it almost feels like a slap in the face. As if I'm more of a stand-in as a recipient of his affection since this other girl is leaving than someone he actually cares about. That's the pessimistic side of me though, I really want to believe that he's genuine when he says he cares about me and that he loves me, which he has also said to me a lot more lately.

 

Basically I can't decide if he's getting closer to me because this girl is leaving and he needs an ego stroking by messing around with me, or if its because he genuinely wants to keep me around, at least as a friend, and is trying to build our relationship up before he leaves our job. I find it hard to believe that a guy like him who could have any girl he wanted would be interested in me at all, but at the same time my crush on him seems to deepen every time we touch and so it's really difficult for me to think past that and act rationally.

 

 

Sorry, I know that was long. If you read through all of that I thank you VERY much and I'd really appreciate some input, especially from you guys out there--help me understand what's going on in his head!

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Well, since this is all very new and you're early on, I would recommend you most certainly don't rush into/ get intoxicated to the point that you may rush into an intimate sexual situation. Also, I would be wary of a work relationship---quite the can of worms.

 

That said, have you been on any dates? Go out with him and see how it goes---does he seems genuinely interested in YOU? OR does he focus on/ talk mostly (only) about the other woman leaving.

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That said, have you been on any dates? Go out with him and see how it goes---does he seems genuinely interested in YOU? OR does he focus on/ talk mostly (only) about the other woman leaving.

 

When we hang out we talk about lots of stuff and the other girl rarely comes up--no more often than he talks about any of his other friends, anyway.

 

Does going out with him count as dating? I always thought we were just hanging out as friends. And besides, there's usually other people around (aka friends of mine or people from work). He's tried to invite me out with him/suggested that he'd like to hang out more on an individual basis, but I was afraid that if I was around only him I'd do something stupid so I always find a reason not to go.

 

I mean, we're both sad that this girl is leaving. She's really sweet and I'll miss her a lot, so if she does come up with both talk about it, but it's not really a main point of our conversations.

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