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For all dumpees that made mistakes like begging and pleading!!!


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Today I think I realized something important.

After my first boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago after 4 years I begged and pleaded and sent text messages 5 WEEKS long (not every day but every week). Ande YES I do regret that but up to now I regretted it for the wrong reasons.

I think if a person really loves you...you can't chase that person away by telling him your feelings and so on. I regretted begging and pleading and I think he is loathing me for that but I realized that I AM A HUMAN BEING and that having feelings and showing them is no shame. Even so he is telling all my friends now that I am his crazy Ex and I tried everything possible to get him back (they told me that...) and so on...I don't regret it for the reason that it might have chased him away I regret it because he wasn't worth the hassle. If he would have loved me I couldn't have chased him away by telling him I miss him and I love him.

 

So for all of you that did the same: don't feel bad about having feelings and that you showed...if you chased them away there was nothing to chase at all!!!

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Theres no shame in showing your emotions/ expressing your hurt, love is a drug and like any addiction the addict will crave what they cant have even knowing that the thing they want is not good for them, it makes the most rational of people irrational. Dont beat yourself up it happens to the best of us.

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Thank you! Good post. That's true...if the person really wants you, they'd be flattered by your chasing (just look at the romantic comedies). Nothing wrong with showing your feelings at all. If someone is going to be turned off by that, they obviously aren't someone worth having!

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I agree with you. You have to walk a fine line though. You have to do enough to show how you feel, but leave them alone enough to give them a chance to miss you. That is why NC/LC sometimes works. With some though, no matter what you do, it doesn't make any difference.

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AGREE!! I've recently come to this realization too! I look back and think why did I do that for him, someone who doesn't want to be with me. And also give him the satisfaction of knowing he could have me back. I just gave him an ego boost he didn't deserve!

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I absolutely agree. If you feel so much love and passion for someone how can you not express that?! It's impossible not to after doing that everyday you are together. After 3 1/2 years I certainly wasn't going to just 'walk away' unheard. Does that make the dumper feel awkward, guilty, irritated, or whatever. You bet. But a small price to pay after ripping the dumpees heart out and drop kicking it into a nearby wall.

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I absolutely agree. If you feel so much love and passion for someone how can you not express that?! It's impossible not to after doing that everyday you are together. After 3 1/2 years I certainly wasn't going to just 'walk away' unheard. Does that make the dumper feel awkward, guilty, irritated, or whatever. You bet. But a small price to pay after ripping the dumpees heart out and drop kicking it into a nearby wall.

 

Perfectly said.

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This is a great post. Its nice to be reminded that there are others out there who see themselevs as being in touch with their emotions rather than the default ex's view as being weak. Alot of the advice is to not do that, when I think if you love them, you let them know.

 

I got a bit of a lecture on being independent when I poured my heart out. I like the fact I can do that. It makes me human. Her loss.

 

i would never judge showing emotions and feelings as being weak. Thats only for those with a heart of stone. This is what being a human being is all about. Anyone who calls me weak for being emotional is most likely more messed up than I am.

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Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, me being someone like that. I wouldn't of been able to live with myself if I didn't at least tell her how I felt. I didn't feel like I was weak or pathetic I felt like I was honest with myself and my feelings.

 

Bravo for making this post, glad I'm not the only one who wasn't affraid to say what he wanted and felt.

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I agree. The begging and pleading won't matter if they truly love you. But then again, they wouldn't have left if they did. I find it neutral territory. It doesn't bring them back or make them hate you. If anything, they find it a bit annoying.

 

But I agree that you should not be ashamed of it - of trying to salvage what you had with someone you loved.

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i'm not so sure about this. I have done the begging thing in the past and i even gave it one last crack with my most recent ex who left me. But i know a big part of me did it because i was selfishly looking at my own needs and wants to continue to have her in my life even though that's not what she wanted. I think sometimes it's difficult to separate our own selfish wants and needs and what we think is love.

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i'm not so sure about this. I have done the begging thing in the past and i even gave it one last crack with my most recent ex who left me. But i know a big part of me did it because i was selfishly looking at my own needs and wants to continue to have her in my life even though that's not what she wanted. I think sometimes it's difficult to separate our own selfish wants and needs and what we think is love.

 

My cheating ex begged for me back, with tears, roses, stalking... but what I really wanted was for him to get out of my life.

 

However, if the ex did nothing wrong, I would find the pleading etc. to be flattering.

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However, if the ex did nothing wrong, I would find the pleading etc. to be flattering.
..

I have never really had someone do the begging/pleading thing with me, but I would think I would be empathetic to it, having been there. So I think it just depends on 2 things:

1) how empathetic a person they are

2) Whether or not they have a new partner. This could greatly annoy them if you are still calling and they have someone new.

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I didn't cheat or do anything wrong expect maybe love him more than myself... He didn't have a new girlfriend at the time I were begging and pleading. Nevertheless he is making fun about my behaviour in front of friends and telling everyone about how crazy I acted and so on but I think that he should be ashamed for that...I don't regret having feelings being human and loving someone and being able to show it. Moreover he didn't officially broke up with me and just started ignoring me after a fight about something stupid so I didn't realize it was a break up...It took me 5 weeks to understand he won't talk to me ever again and I can give up trying...

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I didn't cheat or do anything wrong expect maybe love him more than myself... He didn't have a new girlfriend at the time I were begging and pleading. Nevertheless he is making fun about my behaviour in front of friends and telling everyone about how crazy I acted and so on but I think that he should be ashamed for that
..

He sounds cruel (and very immature). You are better without him.

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I dont know if this comes under beggin or pleading, but after a very confuseing 2mnths as "friends" where many times my ex seemed to want a hell of a lot more (she's also very depressed and mixed up) she walked away kind of for my sake.

I said if u ever want more i dont ever want to think what if with you, i hope u will have the guts to let me know. Always have feelings for you take care.

Have i left her in to much of a comfort zone for now??

I know when she left she still loved me

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It is very hard to respect someone who is begging and pleading. It is downright unattractive to the dumper. It only amplifies their guilt which, assuming they take you back, can only lead to them resenting you later.

 

But it is a normal reaction to beg and plead. As a dumpee you are overwhelmed with feelings of grief, fear, rejection, low self esteem, loneliness etc. It's part of the cycle of emotions you go through. By all means express yourself, but know when to stop and move on.

 

Don't beat yourself up over it for too long. It will pass.

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There might be a fine line between "begging and pleading" and asking for what you want with emotion.

 

I value integrity and authenticity, probably more than dignity and pride...and am not ashamed that I still wanted the relationship, at least with the perspective I had then...

 

(Just some ponderings on my part)

 

Adding a dictionary commentary on "beg" and other words...:

 

 

 

Humble and earnest, that's not so bad a way to be....(although, I know "beg" implies a powerlessness).

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From the moment I beg my ex, I know its over and all I want to listen from her was "we're not gonna be together, it just can't happen"....

 

yea, its all over ^^ for all dumpees, I know it'll feel so surprised, hurt, when u heard from your partner that everything is finished, screwed, or done... But that wouldn't mean that you have to beg!! We did nothing wrong(unless you're the one cheating or anything else terrible)...!

 

We dumpee just have to clam ourselves down, seek the reason from dumper, try to understand(i knew its hard and crap)... find a time, sit down, talk nicely just like chatting.... whether the reason is a crap or something true, we'll just have to go away calmly~ we love the way they are, not the way we want who they are... If they are still who we love, we let them go, getting to know that our love get the best thing they want, isn't that the happiest moment we all have, I knew it'll hurt that the person is not us, c'mon guys ^^ we'll have ours too, love is all around, open your heart...

 

its okay to fail a relationship, don't beg for it to come back, a broken relationship made up for another successful... We all did grew a lot together, learned a lot from each other, shared a lot in ENA, right here didn't we? Think again, what if we're still in love and don't even know that ENA's existence right here.... I'll never know there is a great site here.... thanks to you all...

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There might be a fine line between "begging and pleading" and asking for what you want with emotion.

 

I value integrity and authenticity, probably more than dignity and pride...and am not ashamed that I still wanted the relationship, at least with the perspective I had then...

 

(Just some ponderings on my part)

 

Adding a dictionary commentary on "beg" and other words...:

 

 

 

Humble and earnest, that's not so bad a way to be....(although, I know "beg" implies a powerlessness).

 

Hmm, yeah, I like humble and earnest. I know I never felt like I 'begged'. She even told me my long email was 'honest'. I agree integrity/authenticity are way better dignity/pride. Pride seems to just get in the way.

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Stop Breakup Regrets - Now!
Stop Breakup Regrets - Now!

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