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am I really too much??


deviousj420

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Im 27, hes 29 - been 2gether & livin 2gether for 2.5yrs - weve talked about marriage and plan on being together 4 the rest of our years..

 

I never had parents growing up, so I had no affection or love shown to me.. and thats all I want from him. hugs and kisses and cuddling.. and I try to give it to him all the time, n thats the thing.. its me always giving it to him all the time. he said if I backed off then he could come to me, but fora while now.. he hasnt come to me and thats why Ive been so over him, I crave the affection.

 

I * * * * * alot too, but thats cuz recently Ive been tellin him what bothers me n what he does that makes me feel disrespected (i.e. throwing garbage in the sink, leavin washcloths in the shower, leavin dirty clothes all over the house!) I feel disrespected cuz I feel like his 'b*tch' that always hasta clean up after him, and Ive asked him about this b4 n it hasnt changed.. then he gets mad at me for bein * * * * * y over it... he said last nyte, 'well thats just me, sorry I must be selfish'

 

this mornin I told him it feels like my heart is breaking.. I dont want our relationship to be over, but that needs to stop. he didnt even offer to console me when I said my heart hurts.. I just want affection and love.

 

I also want sex and apparently I want it all too much cuz Monday n last nyte... he wasnt game.. I dont think hes cheating on me physically.. maybe emotionally since he seems so distant anymore.. I really dont kno what to think or how to feel.. this sucks..

 

I just want it back to the two of us bein happy... but that seems so far away

 

hes mad cuz yesterday mornin I said 'Im not happy!' n I meant that bout what I listed above, bout feelin disrespected.. then later in the day he tells me hes not happy then later than nyte xplains it that he said that cuz I * * * * * ..

 

I want my love back. I want us. what can I say to him? what should I do?

 

I dont like having a boyfriend.. and still feeling lonely. :sad:

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It does sound like your very clingy.

 

And looking at your older posts... Just makes me very worried about your mental health.

 

Maybe you should seriously thing about leaving, and maybe seeking counceling? Or see if he will try counceling with you?

 

 

You can always just leave his stuff lying around. He'll soon realise how much you do for him, when he see he has no clean clothes.

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The thing that jumps out at me is that you mentioned that you didn't have parents when you were growing up. I'm so sorry for that. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been. The thing is, your boyfriend can't take the place of your parents. You're asking him to shower you with love and affection, which all romantic partners do, to a point. It's fine to ask for affection. It's not ok to demand affection all of the time. It's very draining for the other person in the relationship with you. And remember, there are two people in this relationship.

 

In the same way, he is an adult who is perfectly capable of picking up after himself. You don't have to be his mother and do it for him. "But if I don't do it, it won't get done at all!" True, it might not.

 

That's where communication is so important. You need to step outside your emotions for a moment and think, "What do I really want? Are my desires unreasonable? How can I communicate my desires to my partner in a reasonable and empathetic way? How can I listen to my partners' desires and work to meet them?" I know it sounds cheesy to talk like your in a counselor's office, but there's a reason it works. It separates you from the emotions that you're feeling right now and helps you to get to the root of an issue.

 

Hope that helps!

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It definitely sounds like you are trying to get him to give you the love that you didn't get growing up ... the love that you do not have within yourself. That is exhausting for other people. I personally don't want a co-dependent relationshiop, but rather an interdependent one where we do things alone and together. I prefer relationships with equal partners. You are not equal with him right now emotionally. You are needy and begging him to love you. This relationship is going down the tubes because you think that bullying and begging is the only way to get love. ALL of us want love. Even your bf. But you are not giving that to him either with your demands.

 

Given your family history, it looks like you need a lot of help and need to do a lot of work on yourself. Start off with therapy and some self-help books about gaining independence in relationships and work from there. He will not have any desire to love you the way you want until you love yourself the way you need.

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It does sound like your very clingy.

 

And looking at your older posts... Just makes me very worried about your mental health.

 

Maybe you should seriously thing about leaving, and maybe seeking counceling? Or see if he will try counceling with you?

 

 

You can always just leave his stuff lying around. He'll soon realise how much you do for him, when he see he has no clean clothes.

 

Posts like this really piss me off. Just bc ppl arent your definition of perfect or dont grow up in cushy lives does not mean they have mental problems. If you didnt have parents growing up Im sure you'd be craving affection too.

 

OP, having a bf and still feeling alone is a terrible feeling. I dont know him so I cant say that you should leave bc I dont know the full story. I do know that some ppl (especially men) are turned off by clingy behavior. Its perfectly normal to crave affection when you didnt have it growing up. However, he can not replace that. You have a child right? Why dont you seek and give your affection to him? I think it will help you a great deal to shower your son with affection knowing he will grow up nurtured and loved, something you didnt have. Maybe you can benefit from therapy, not bc you have mental issues (which we ALL do to some extent) but bc sometimes you need to sort these things out before you can move on in life. Just having a neutral person to talk too is extremely helpful.

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I've had similar discussions before. If I come home from work every day and every day, my partner says "I LOVE YOU!" and hugs me as I'm coming through the door after work...

 

..and then turns around and says "YOU NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU OR HUG ME FIRST"

 

...?! It's a D: kind of situation.

 

Relationships, like all living, growing things, need space, attention and AIR. If you give your bf a chance and stop beating him to the punch, I bet he'll surprise you. And I agree with the above posters saying that you cannot make your bf make up for all the affection you lost in not having your parents. No one can replace them, and that's unfair of you for having gone through that. But it's unfair to try to extract it from someone who does care for you just as much.

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Posts like this really piss me off. Just bc ppl arent your definition of perfect or dont grow up in cushy lives does not mean they have mental problems. If you didnt have parents growing up Im sure you'd be craving affection too.

 

 

I did not say she had mental health problems, I said I was Worried about her mental health. Especially after reading previous threads shes posted on here. And just because I sugested this, does not mean in your words that I grew up and had a perfect two parent life. Far from it, infact.

 

She came here asking for advice and I gave what I thought. Which is a good thing about posting on a forum, you get lots of different types of advice. Some of it may not be up to your "standard" but not everyones perfect.

 

Any child can be starved of attention, weather they have no parents , a single parent, or both parents. Any child , in any home, can and could be being neglected this way.

 

And as for saying maybe she should leave the guy, well thats my personally opinion too. He disrepects her, he lets her do all the house work. And doesn't take note of when she's needing reasurence.

 

So counceling in my opinion could be a good idea, either for her by herself, or the both of them.

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