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I have been dating my bf for 11 months now. Things were going well until.....i started to feel as though things were too good to be true. I began to "look" thru things. I was snooping asking lots of questions( never found anything). I even broke it off a few times. We always got back together and it would go well until the questions and snooping would begin. Now he is withdrawn, not as forgiving of my insecurities. This last time when I threatened to break up he was not so forgiving or understanding-usually he quells my fears..not this time. Now he is just pissy and angry. He doesnt want to hear it anymore he says if we are going to work i have to learn to trust him or leave. He says only my actions will prove to him that i trust him. My question is this: How do i prove to him that i can trust him? I know i can but he is distant, mean, and just plain acts as if he doesnt believe me.

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Now he is just pissy and angry. He doesnt want to hear it anymore he says if we are going to work i have to learn to trust him or leave.

I don't blame him for being pissy and angry, I would be too if my partner kept snooping, looking through my things and always asking lots of questions. I would probably have kicked him out long ago, lol.

 

The only way to prove to him you are changing is by stopping your current behaviour and quit with the snooping and paranoia. You are going to have to earn his trust and the ball is in your court to do this.

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yes i have a had a bad experience with a cheater. i did not snoop now i am afraid. i hate that i put my bf thru this. i look at the most innocent things and turn them ugly. and of course my friends fuel this fire. bc they only hear my side. i feel awful that he is behaving this way. i know he loves me but i dont think he is feelin it right now. i jus want to make it right and stop all the paranoia and craziness.

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Just cut out the behavior.

Stop snooping, stop accusing, stop being paranoid.

If you've snooped and never found anything, doesn't that say something? He's clearly not hiding anything, or can be trustworthy.

 

He's just reaching the end of his rope. Without trust, there's nothing.

You know what you need to change, you know what behaviors are making him upset, which actions get him angry or pissed off, so stop them or change them.

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Why are you insecure? Why do you do these things? Because you don't want him to cheat on you right? If he cheats, that will break your heart and it will end the relationship. Thats your fear right? Well think of it this way, if you keep being snoopy and pessimistic and always suspicious, the relationship will end no matter what. And it will always end like that, because when will it ever stop? So figure out a way to stop. Hopefully someone will give you some good methods. I personally don't have a clue.

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Don't bring this subject up with him. Just DROP IT. Talk to him about music, movies, family, friends, the economy, whatever. Do not talk about problems. I highly doubt he's pissy if you're just engaging in normal conversation.

 

Give him time to get over what you did, and prove yourself worthy of his trust & patience again. Be nice, cut out all the mood swings, and be a PLEASANT person to be around. He's put up with a lot from you, its the least you could do. He'll be nicer as time goes by.

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I want to add that pretending to trust him wont solve the problem. I think if you just hide your feelings they will all come back at one time or another, possibly all at once. Maybe you should find something else that makes you feel good or makes you happy. Something that takes your mind off of stuff. If you have too much time to sit and think, of course you are going to think of bad things. Don't just pretend to trust him, do something constructive to remedy it. Thats what I think, I don't know much but I know I've been insecure before, and having something that takes up time makes insecurities go away, because you don't have time to think about them.

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  • 1 month later...

Honestly, if you've been a total basket case to him all this time, if you want to make it right, you're gonna have to deal with him being a bit put off for awhile, since that's what your behaviors have caused. You were so paranoid about him breaking your trust, that you completely nuked his trust in you. Hopefully, as he sees you CHILLING OUT and TRUSTING HIM, he'll calm down himself and you two can truly begin to mend fences. So the question is, is he worth it to stick it out?

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