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Self brought on emotional roller coaster


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Hi all

 

I haven't been on this site for a long time now and today for the first time in ages I wanted to see how all was doing.

 

I had been doing well, moving on with my life, doing things I enjoy and keeping myself busy...its been 6 months since the phone call where he ended it with me and that was the last time we spoke.

 

It took me nearly 4 months to feel better about myself and slowly getting back to having minimal thoughts about him.

 

but last week, i was temping at my old law firm, and his best friend R(my colleague), the guy who introduced us mentioned that they were meeting at the weekend and this has completely set me up. Pathetic I know, just hearing his name has made me feel upset and hurt. I kept my brave face and pretended it didn;t bother me but deep down I felt like crying.

 

We went for a drink after work and R goes "he asked about u"...to which i replied "u don;t have to say that to make me feel better" and he said "no he did" - he asked R whether he sees me anymore...why ask or bring him up after all this time?

 

Then on monday - I heard another colleague N say R tol her that R met up with my ex on sat and they about me on sat.

 

I didn;t R what was said nor did i ask him about sat? although deep down i probably wanted to.

 

and now i feel like i have completely set myself back - for the first time in ages I have wanted to text him again...but what for? he broke up with me and didn;t have the guts to call me to tell me, he told me he would never love me...it was only a 3 months relationship...why do i feel so bad?

 

The whole weekend he was playing on my mind - i was doing so well and now i feel like rubbish

 

Why does R bring it up? Why does my ex even want to kow about me? he was the one who said we could never be friends - he was the one who said he would call me for a coffee and nothing since

 

3 months - i didn;t even get him to tell me to my face why he wanted to break up....

 

it was probably general chit chat - but after 6 months - surely they have other things to talk about

 

i know i shouldn't text him but then why do i want to????

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I think it is understandable that you want to, and that you find yourself on a roller coaster since R and your ex are meeting and talking about you. I have a friend who goes through something similar—her friends are continually "updating" her about her ex, which stirs up painful feelings for her. I don't know how I would handle it. Why do they do it? I think it is similar to gossip, people get a certain pleasure from doing it, an ego boost perhaps.

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i know

 

I asked him to be friends and he said he can't be yet he wants to know about me - what for?

 

Honestly i was doing well and this has stirred it up for me....but he will never contact me and i secretly want him to - i will hold tight and not get in touch with him even tho i want to - is that thr right thing to do?

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It might be. I'm not an advocate of NC-forever in every situation. My suggestion is decide what your goal for yourself is with NC, what do you need from it (time, emotional stability, etc.). Where you are in relation to that goal is the gauge to make your choice of contacting him. Run through the possible scenarios in your imagination and listen to how your body reacts in order to get a sense of how your experience might go. Decide for yourself what you are ready for, and also what your reason for contact is.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey this is my first post but I've been reading your struggles. I read through your posts from about a year ago when you were struggling with no contact. I am too going through a break up but luckily for me my ex never wanted no contact. He always wanted to remain friends. But I am inititating NC for myself, meaning I will not contact him, but if he calls me I will respond. How are things going for you with NC?

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