anonymous529 Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I lived with him summer 2008 and I am living with him again right now, summer 2009, until school starts. When I am back at college I see him every weekend and on school breaks, and we talk constantly. I found out in the beginning of June that he replied to a posting on craigslist and had set up an email account and was having sexual conversations with a male. I confronted him about this and he begged me to stay with him. He is not gay, but he had a rough past. I told him he needed to go to counseling, etc. and he agreed. He has not gone to counseling because we both have been extremely busy lately, but as of now things have settled down more. After that incident, he canceled his cell phone and got a new one because I wanted him to have verizon, like I do, so our bills would be cheaper and we could talk/text for free..I also wanted him to have a new number so none of the people he was talking to online would have his new number. I found out that after that incident and clearing everything up, he had been texting a guy, with his NEW phone number, from the previous internet incident. They were both sending inappropriate pictures back and fourth. After late June there was no contact with this man. But he also sent this man a picture a few days ago. These incidents only happened when I went home for a few days or a week. Since he has done these things before, he knows I was in the process of trusting him again. When I called him about this a few days ago he became extremely defensive and was yelling at me saying that I go through all his stuff, blah blah...he knows why I do, because he couldn't be trusted and I was trying to trust him again. He finally fessed up about it, told me the pictures were just to taunt the other man, and when the other man wanted to meet up my boyfriend backed off. My boyfriend told me that he likes to show off his body because it makes him feel good about himself. He is taking me on a cruise as my birthday present. The cruise is on august 16. When i found out about this recent stuff I told him I wanted it canceled and I wanted to break up with him. He begged me not to cancel it. For the past 3 days since I confronted him about this stuff he has been begging me to get back with him. He keeps telling me he knows what he did was wrong and he never thought I would really leave him and now that he knows I would he has realized that he never wants to lose me. He says that he wants to prove himself to me, that he will allow me to monitor everything he does, and he doesnt want to be with anyone BUT me. He keeps on calling and texting me..saying all of this stuff. I am starting to think he is genuinely sorry and he really does only want to be with me. He also has hinted that he wants to propose to me on the cruise. He told me that he will go to counseling with me asap and he will do ANYTHING to stay with me. We have not canceled the cruise yet, and I am still seriously thinking about taking him back. I knew I wanted to be with him forever, but I am scared that if I take him back again he will try this again. I want to learn to trust him again. Please give me some advice! Link to comment
I_Speak_Jive Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 Hey there Anonymous, and welcome to ENA! You're gonna love it here Sorry to hear about these issues that you are having with your boyfriend -it sounds like a real tough thing to be going through. Losing trust on your partner is awful because it rots the relationship from the inside, and it takes so much mutual and conscious effort to repair. So I wish you the best of luck with it all. But also, I wanted to add a couple of things. Naturally neither I nor anyone else here actually knows your boyfriend, so this one will be your call to make. But it sounds like there are issues with his sexual orientation that are just not going to go away. His actions sound like those of a guy who is attracted to other guys (as well as girls, since he is with you) but who is deeply uncomfortable with it -hence the sneaking around and internet 'trolling'. I think it's great that he wants to go to counseling with you and make your relationship work. But I also think that you should think very carefully about what it means to stay with him in the long term. I believe strongly in second chances, but only if they are solidly grounded in reality. I just think that this one is a deeper issue than a few swapped pics with a stranger... Link to comment
Car Chick Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 If he's having a sexual realtionship with a male he is definitly gay, or bisexual. If you you ahve a tail and fur and bark you're a dog. That' just how it is. If he cheated on you and won't go to counseling, then just cut your losses and leave. If he's not willing to work on it, why should you be willing to suffer? Link to comment
anonymous529 Posted August 4, 2009 Author Share Posted August 4, 2009 he is not having sex with any males..it is only through the internet/his cell phone..he is willing to work on it..he told me that we can go to counseling asap, and also that he would do anything to have me back.. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 he is not having sex with any males..it is only through the internet/his cell phone..he is willing to work on it..he told me that we can go to counseling asap, and also that he would do anything to have me back.. Would it bother you more if he was doing this with another female? What he's doing is still wrong because he is in a relationship with you. You said that he never believed you would leave so now he suddenly wants to work on things. That's called taking the relationship and you for granted. Link to comment
anonymous529 Posted August 4, 2009 Author Share Posted August 4, 2009 it wouldnt bother me more if it was with other females..both situations bother me a great amount..he did tell me that he had taken me and our relationship for granted, and he now knows that i am someone that he never wants to lose and he could never find someone like me again and he would never be truly happy without me Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 it wouldnt bother me more if it was with other females..both situations bother me a great amount..he did tell me that he had taken me and our relationship for granted, and he now knows that i am someone that he never wants to lose and he could never find someone like me again and he would never be truly happy without me From being here as long as I have and reading many many threads on similar topics, men that have been caught will say anything to keep their partners near by. He already said he wouldn't do it again, but alas you found out he did it again. How is he to be believed that he's gonna change and not do it again a 3rd time? Link to comment
anonymous529 Posted August 4, 2009 Author Share Posted August 4, 2009 yea thats my point exactly...he asked me to let him prove himself this one last time..so I'm not sure what to do yet..I've brought all of this stuff up to time over and over the past couple days..and he is still determined to show me that he has changed..I just dont want to get tricked again..he knows I find out every time Link to comment
arcadefire Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 This man is a chronic liar. Possibly a cheater as well. How can you trust someone who broke your trust, repeatedly I might add. You know that line, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."? He's fooling you. Don't let him fool you again. Show him you mean business. Break it off with him and find someone who will never do those sick things behind your back. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.