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ex told me to sleep with other girls


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i had been on my second go of no contact for a little over a month after our break up in june. i was doing great and moving on, or so i thought. it got a little rough around what would have been our two year anniversary, but i didn't crack and kept nc. she called me a few times a few days afterwards and at first i ignored it, but a couple days later i texted her asking what's up. she said she was having a bad week. that right there just pisses me off. a bad week? how do you think my entire * * * * ing summer has been thanks to you? but i kept my cool and just texted something like "sorry to hear that" and left it at that.

 

later that night, she ends up calling me while i'm feeling particularly vulnerable. i end up going to her house (big mistake) and we chat for a couple hours outside. it seemed like every few minutes she would pop in with "why are we doing this? we shouldn't be talking" and stressing how much she's "totally a different person" now. she lost some weight and got these new glasses and is going to school for drawing, so i guess she's creating a new persona for herself. honestly, she kind of looks worse than when we dated. but anyway, at one point i start to say something like "well, i felt like i was getting over you but i'm not so sure" and in response to that she says "sleep with other girls. that will help." i didn't give this much thought at the time, but now it's kind of making my head spin. why would she say this? because a similar thing worked for her? because she thinks my love was disingenuous? i don't understand. it's a pretty disrespectful thing to say either way.

 

but anyway, eventually i break down a little in front of her. she was continuously talking about how she is a "worthless piece of * * * * " and didn't understand why i liked her. i know she only said that to make me feel better about her dumping me and just knowing that i started to feel really weak and tears started coming out a little bit. i asked "why did you like me?" and she said "i don't...know anymore". it was like experiencing the breakup all over again. she hugged me and i felt pathetic. we then parted ways and when i got home i felt really angry at what had just happened. i texted her "don't ever call me again, you disgust me." and she replied "you're still really * * * * ing mean" and that was that.

 

now i just feel rejected again, the wound has been re-opened, and i've gone back a few steps in my recovery. i can never tell if she's baiting me, playing hard to get, or truly hates me, etc. i'm mad that i cried in front of her. i'm mad at the whole situation. i wish i could go back in time and erase her from my past.

 

any thoughts?

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i'm sorry to hear that. be kind to yourself as you only did that was true to your feelings at that time. you both are obviously very hurt and instead of dealing the hurt within, you accidently took it out on one another.

 

don't be mad at yourself for you have cried in front of her. be glad that you can let the hurt out. it takes a real man to show emotions. now is just moving on and learn to no afraid to look back and say "i ***ked up but it's ok. i'll live." you can do it.

 

*hug*

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Let me tell you my story. My first boyfriend broke up with me to date my best friend. I was crying so hard when he told me about this at a park near my house.

I still kept calling and talking to him and what not. Then I realized that he was an a... and I erased him completely from my life.

 

We met years later and started hooking up again.... behind his girlfriend's back (I found out about her after...) and he would trust me on all his stupid dramas and blah blah. And then I realized, he was a loser, and I was better off without him.

 

So don't punish yourself. Look, we all screw up sometimes. We all do things that we regret. Ultimately, you need to know that you felt like going to her house at the time and you did what you felt was right. Hopefully you learned that it's better to stick with NC and let the wounds heal.

 

If she tries contacting you again, ignore it. Call a friend, go for a walk, watch a movie, come to ENA... distract yourself. There's a reason why the relationship with her didn't work out and you need to acknowledge that and move on eventually.

 

Be strong, okay? Most of us have been through that and I can tell you that it'll pass, and sooner than later, it'll become an anecdote when you're giving advice to someone else.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted

 

Bella

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in response to that she says "sleep with other girls. that will help."

 

I think she just said this because like you she's still angry and hurt. We often times says stuff like this when we feel this way. Not knowing what circumstances that brought about your break up, I would agree that NC is best for you to heal your heart.

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Maybe she said that because she knows that once you've slept with other girls, she won't be having any feelings of 'what if?' herself.

 

I agree, not sure why you did break NC but we've all been there, and now you have learnt why it's not often a good idea. You're human. And a sensitive guy. So some woman is going to be really lucky to meet you and in a few weeks you will be on here helping others to get past where you are right now.

 

Hugs. She lost out, you didn't.

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thanks for the replies, they make me feel better. i actually feel like the whole thing gives me closure. i think i was still holding out hope that we'd get back together, but now i'm dealing with the reality that we won't. and now that the initial anxiety and anger have gone away, i don't feel so bad. and, yes, i've learned my lesson about breaking no contact.

 

you guys might be right about her telling me that out of anger or to help her move on. now that i think about it, she said a lot of similar things and at one point she was really pressing me about whether or not i had slept with other girls yet. i tried not to answer, because i figured that it was none of her business and that it was probably just a ploy to make her feel better knowing that i haven't "moved on" in that area of my life. but i also think she thinks i'm some lying player who cheated on her and who has slept around a lot since the relationship, neither of which are true. there were obviously trust issues, but i guess that's why i should be glad that it's over and i can keep moving on until i meet someone more worthwhile.

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I'm sorry that girl has issues.

She wants you there but goes nuts when you are.

A shame really.

 

It's not your fault either.

 

Like Zoey said it's good to cry.

Don't EVER beat yourself up about it.

 

Love is a irrational thing.

People can love someone despite thier faults, despite how much they hurt them, despite how much they push them away.

 

If you can, try to move on.

It's the best thing for you.

If you can't right now, just keep your heart to yourself for a while.

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What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What...
What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What To Do?

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