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Should I pursue an Air Force relationship?


afgirl1

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I recently started dating a guy (i.e. 2 months ago) who I absolutely adore and would eventually want to marry. He is in the Air Force, and he has been in it for a few years (5 I think). He is a Senior Airman (not really sure what this means), and is currently down in Alabama at Maxwell AFB for this month doing some kind of officer training. He wants to become a test pilot, and will go off to pilot school next summer, which will take 2-3 years to complete. He does not know which school yet, but the closest one is a state away. Then he has to do some more stuff after that, which requires traveling.

 

I just recently graduated with my BS in engineering and got an amazing job. I’ve been in this job for only a month or so, and it requires top secret clearances that are difficult to get (i.e. I was extremely blessed to get it). My work is also paying for my Master’s, which I am going to start at the end of August. Before I met him, I was just beginning the process of getting a custom house built (i.e. signing the contract, selecting options, etc). It is currently being built and will be done in mid-October. Fortunately, we live in the same area, only about 10 minutes from each other.

 

Here is my problem: I am 23 and have had a few serious relationships, and I know this guy is the one. He brought up pilot school a few weeks ago and hinted that he wanted me to go with him. I did not give him a definite yes or no answer. The only way I would consider even going is if we were engaged/married (I left this out as I thought the relationship was still very new). I know he is totally in love with me, and I am with him. I believe he wants me to travel with him and be sort of a “house wife,” which I never pictured myself being. I was brought up to achieve great things and to completely support myself. I have now finished a difficult major and am enjoying the rewards. I have a new self-confidence in myself.

 

So the question is, should I pursue this relationship? I am also VERY unaware of the Air Force schedules. I’m not really sure where we would go, what exactly he has to do, and if it can be life-threatening for him. And what am I going to do if I go with him? If we travel around a lot, I can’t get a job. I feel as though I would be losing my identity since I would be leaving my family, my career, and my new house. I know that he is in a different thing where he can’t really get deployed into war. I think only a few people in the AF do this option.

 

And another note: his family is from a small Christian town, which I have no problem with as I am Christian, as well. However, the mindset in their family (I think) is that the husband is the breadwinner and the wife stays at home with the kids. This sort of mentality makes me cringe a little, as I have worked so hard to get where I am. I know I am young, but I believe I would lose my confidence if I were to become career-less. I try to picture myself in a few years having kids and wanting to be with them all the time, but I don’t think I have the capability to think about being a mom yet and what it would be like.

 

If anyone could help me, I would greatly appreciate it. I also apologize for making my entry so long! Thank you ahead of time and take care.

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Hi

okay, here's a thought (based on my perspective NOW on decisions I made way back when).

 

It's possible that he seems to be The One precisely because being with him would mean giving up your life as you know it. Perhaps deep down you feel very pressured by this wonderful job you've landed. Possibly you secretly WANT to be a housewife. Maybe you are out to punish yourself and don't deep-down believe you 'deserve' the success you are set to have in your career.

 

I'm saying, however wonderful it all seems now, there are LOTS and LOTS of red flags in what you write. His choice of career, the fact that it's not compatible with your job, the expectations his family have of women... yada yada...

 

I'm also saying, beware that you are not out to sabotage yourself as an achieving, able woman.

 

You say you know he is The One - yet you are here asking advice. Does this mean that you are prepared for the fact that he may NOT be The One?

 

You are very clear about the difficulties that being with him would present. Are you sure you aren't just seeking out drama/self-punishment/an unavailable guy to hide some commitment issues of your own?

 

I hope you can get some clarity. My remarks may be way off target but you sound as though you either have a huge blind spot, or you KNOW that your feeling that he is The One is a bit irrational, and need help to think it through...

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Your job sounds like an amazing opportunity for you. Please don't give it up to follow a guy who thinks it'd be fine for you to give up such great opportunities for his sake! Especially a guy who is going to be moving all over the place for who knows how many years, making it impossible for you to hold down a job yourself.

 

Why not take it slow? You've only known him a couple of months. Continue with your own life plans and invite him to visit you when he has leaves. It's way too soon to think about marriage, much less uprooting your whole life for him.

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The relationship is still new. Why dont you not commit to anything serious while he is in pilot school, get to know him, and then when he is done make a decision. By that time you will have enough knowledge about the direction you want your career to go in order to make a decision about how you want your personal life to go. If he is the one, and it is meant to be, then he will be willing to wait until you are sure.

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To be honest, you don't need our help here. Just read some of the things you wrote yourself...

 

I was brought up to achieve great things and to completely support myself. I have now finished a difficult major and am enjoying the rewards. I have a new self-confidence in myself.

 

I feel as though I would be losing my identity since I would be leaving my family, my career, and my new house.

 

However, the mindset in their family (I think) is that the husband is the breadwinner and the wife stays at home with the kids. This sort of mentality makes me cringe a little, as I have worked so hard to get where I am. I know I am young, but I believe I would lose my confidence if I were to become career-less.

 

Remember too that it is the CONFIDENT you he likes. So if you lose yourself he won't want you anyway in all probability. If you think he is really happy to ask you to lose all the things which matter to you, then you need to ask yourself why someone would want to do that to someone they care about, and why you would want to let it happen to yourself. Although to be fair to the guy, a lot of this is still totally in your head. You have perhaps overthought this, but that's not a bad thing. All the outcomes you mention are likely ones if you did become engaged or married to him.

 

So the question you need to answer is, "Am I really happy as I am?" And if so (and I think you should be very proud of yourself for your achievements) then he is NOT The One...

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It sounds like you have to choose between two loves, your love of this man, and your love of your chosen lifestyle. We can't tell you what to choose, you have to think for yourself if you can live the lifestyle that comes with a marriage to him or not. And also, can you live without him or not?

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Dating Someone Not Attracted To - D...
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - Do It!

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