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I told him I never wanted to hear/see him again


AmandaB

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Before my ex fiance broke up w/ me I told him that I never wanted to hear or see him again. I told him there would be no contact, that it would hurt too much. I was angry at the time but he said "ok." Then when he broke up with me, during the conversation, I did it again. I said it because I was hurt. I told him that i never wanted to see or speak to him again. This is really hurting me right now. I cant get past this.

 

The breakup was almost 3 months ago. I havent heard from him, I havent made contact w/ him either.

 

Before he left that last day I said that I couldnt imagine not having him in my life and he said the same. Then I asked him if I would ever hear/see him again and he said yes.

 

I just feel terrible for saying such things and I think it drove him away further. I just feel awful. I said it out of anger but I dont know if he knows that.

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There is a good chance that you will hear from him. That shouldn't be your focus. It should be on yourself. Get your mind right and when you least expect it is normally when they get in touch with you. Mine still does and she has a new boyfriend. I just ignore it. Stay strong and don't break it.

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Your healing will begin when you give up the last lingering hope that he will come back to you. If he wanted you back he would have already called.

 

Don't do this to yourself - accept it is over and begin to heal.

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Hm that's tough... I'd say focus on yourself chances are you will hear from him again. If your still waiting for him to call is it because you want him to call and say he made a mistake? Say he wants you back? If that's the case maybe that's the reason hes not calling.... almost out of respect to not confuse you. It's sad I know but if you want to talk to him again one day I'm sure you can.... I guess you have to think of whether or not you want to talk to him and if it would be worth it.

 

Last time I talked to my ex she asked if she could call me back... I said no and well that was more than a year ago. At times I hate the fact that I lost, well at the time my best friend, but I realize I would unfortunately have trouble talking to her as just friends. I do respect that fact tho that when I asked her not to call me, she has not called. I guess she realized where I was and that hearing from hear would probably give me false hope, and she was nice enough not to do that. I guess if you feel honest with yourself and think you can talk to your ex go for it... if you want it make the first move. If you are looking to get him back then you might want to think twice though.

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You need to solve the problems of not only your relationship but also of your life, otherwhise you'll lose common ground to continue the relationship.

 

We are not in a relationship anymore. He broke it off after 6 years together saying that he doesnt love me anymore. Im just struggling w/ the fact that i might have pushed him further away by telling him that I no longer wanted to hear or see him again. It was one thing that I regreted saying when we broke up.

 

This was my first breakup. He was my first everything. I am taking this very hard.

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We are not in a relationship anymore. He broke it off after 6 years together saying that he doesnt love me anymore. Im just struggling w/ the fact that i might have pushed him further away by telling him that I no longer wanted to hear or see him again. It was one thing that I regreted saying when we broke up.

 

This was my first breakup. He was my first everything. I am taking this very hard.

 

Hey Amanda, it is not easy at all. I heard the same words, after the same amount of time. I guess it was a while ago for me but believe me it hasn't been easy. I guess the thing we are trying to say is do you still want him as a friend? I know at 3 months after my relationship I thought I did, but from the short time I had her as a friend it was... well not that great. I decided I couldn't take the "friendship" and well it has been as I said about a year since I've spoken to her.

 

Now still I don't feel I pushed her away, it was just the way I am. I feel like she decided she wanted to end things, and I lost my her there. I knew personally I couldn't be downgraded to a friend after being with her so many years. If someone can be friends with their ex, they can always reach out... and I respect that. I just know that probably won't be me, at least anytime soon. Good luck with your healing, things do get better.

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Im just struggling w/ the fact that i might have pushed him further away by telling him that I no longer wanted to hear or see him again. It was one thing that I regreted saying when we broke up.

 

No that won't have pushed him further away. it is not your fault he has not been in contact. If you want to be with someone then what you said won't have made a difference. If you hassled and begged after breakup then that would have pushed him away. You did right, giving him the ultimatum that if you split up then that was the end. You dont want to be his friend while you are hurting.

 

Me and my ex never discussed not speaking to each other or keeping in contact. She just walked out the door and I didnt see the point in hassling her afterward. I had said how i felt and had nothign else to say. Our paths crossed on MSN a few days later but we never contacted each other. It sad that a long term relationship can just 'seem' to disappear jsut like that as if it has been removed from memory. To you it is hard but to the dumper they would have wanted too split up for a while and already moving on. It is hard but everyone gets through it and comes out stronger. A clean break is hard but the best way.

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No that won't have pushed him further away. it is not your fault he has not been in contact. If you want to be with someone then what you said won't have made a difference. If you hassled and begged after breakup then that would have pushed him away. You did right, giving him the ultimatum that if you split up then that was the end. You dont want to be his friend while you are hurting.

 

Me and my ex never discussed not speaking to each other or keeping in contact. She just walked out the door and I didnt see the point in hassling her afterward. I had said how i felt and had nothign else to say. Our paths crossed on MSN a few days later but we never contacted each other.

 

I agree. I cant be his friend. I lost the ultimatum though. I did say how I felt. I tried to get him to reconsider that day, try couples counsling, everything. He just told me that it would end up the same and that he no longer has the feelings for me. I went cold turkey, there was nothing, nothing at all afterwards.

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No that won't have pushed him further away. it is not your fault he has not been in contact. If you want to be with someone then what you said won't have made a difference. If you hassled and begged after breakup then that would have pushed him away. You did right, giving him the ultimatum that if you split up then that was the end. You dont want to be his friend while you are hurting.

 

Me and my ex never discussed not speaking to each other or keeping in contact. She just walked out the door and I didnt see the point in hassling her afterward. I had said how i felt and had nothign else to say. Our paths crossed on MSN a few days later but we never contacted each other.

 

Hi Amanda...I agree with this post too. We all say things we don't truly mean but actions do speak a lot louder than words ever will. You have left your ex alone and tried to work on yourself. To be honest, being friends (and downgraded) after being in a relationship is hard, especially when there were problems in the relationship. If somebody wants you enough, they will risk their ego, their pride and whatever else and reach out to you. I lost my best friend too but in the grand scheme of things, the reason I left, got angry and so on was because they weren't doing the legwork and didn't care enough and if this is the case with you, perhaps you should stand your ground.

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Just remembered i sent her a non personal birthday card a week after breakup(Did this to be sure it was over) and she sent me a text thanking me for a present i got her before we broke up. I got no mention of the card. So in the bigger picture it made no difference to her decision. Her mind was made up. DOnt be hard on yourself amanda. You dont want to be friends out of his sympathy for you then be around when he meets someone else eventually.

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If somebody wants you enough, they will risk their ego, their pride and whatever else and reach out to you. I lost my best friend too but in the grand scheme of things, the reason I left, got angry and so on was because they weren't doing the legwork and didn't care enough and if this is the case with you, perhaps you should stand your ground.

 

This is the case w/ me.He did not take care of his end. I refuse to reach out to him. I just wanted to leave the door cracked for communication if you know what I mean. To me, the words that I said to him were hurtful.

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Just remembered i sent her a non personal birthday card a week after breakup(Did this to be sure it was over) and she sent me a text thanking me for a present i got her before we broke up. I got no mention of the card. So in the bigger picture it made no difference to her decision. Her mind was made up. DOnt be hard on yourself amanda. You dont want to be friends out of his sympathy for you then be around when he meets someone else eventually.

 

Adam, we kind of have been folllowing one anothers stories here. I think we are on the same timeline breakup wise. His b-day rolled around about a month and a half after breakup and I decided to ignore it. i sent no text, no card, nothing. I dont want to ever be around when he meets somebody. Dont ever want to see that. Well maybe after I meet the real love of my life and I dont care anymore.

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Adam, we kind of have been folllowing one anothers stories here. I think we are on the same timeline breakup wise. His b-day rolled around about a month and a half after breakup and I decided to ignore it. i sent no text, no card, nothing. I dont want to ever be around when he meets somebody. Dont ever want to see that. Well maybe after I meet the real love of my life and I dont care anymore.

 

Yeah, i do think we are on same timelines. I hope my positive posts give you strength and belief you can get through and make it to the otherside. I had a tough day today but i know i will be better tomorrow. Give yourself confidence by looking back how far you have come since the first week you split up

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My worry is that I slammed the door in his face sort of speak. That I did not leave a crack for any future communication. I mean he hurt me, he just walked away. Now on top of it he has frozen me out sort of speak. Havent said a single thing to him and he has not contacted me since the breakup. This has been one horrible summer.

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My worry is that I slammed the door in his face sort of speak. That I did not leave a crack for any future communication. I mean he hurt me, he just walked away. Now on top of it he has frozen me out sort of speak. Havent said a single thing to him and he has not contacted me since the breakup. This has been one horrible summer.

 

Don't worry too much on what you said when you broke up. it will have had no bearing on what he wants to do. You could have shouted and screamed for him to keep away from you but if he wanted it to work out he would still come back. You have done the right thing not contacting him. You haven't chased after him and made yourself look needy and desperate. You have stayed strong.

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You have done the right thing not contacting him. You haven't chased after him and made yourself look needy and desperate. You have stayed strong.

 

You know, thats what people keep telling me but i feel weak. I just feel bad, no getting around it. Not contacting him on one hand is good because I dont know if he is with someone else. If he were it would tear me to pieces. On the other hand, it shows that he has not even thought about coming back, that our relationship was nothing to him. In my mind, it shows that he has no problems moving on.

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You know, thats what people keep telling me but i feel weak. I just feel bad, no getting around it. Not contacting him on one hand is good because I dont know if he is with someone else. If he were it would tear me to pieces. On the other hand, it shows that he has not even thought about coming back, that our relationship was nothing to him. In my mind, it shows that he has no problems moving on.

 

His silence speaks volumes, there is nothing you could have done to change his mind. My ex hasnt been intouch either. Our paths only crossed on msn in the 2nd week. She never contacted me then so i saw that as a sign that she is moving on. That stopped me from chasing after her and making a fool of myself. I dont think you are weak, it is easy to cave in and contact the ex. try not to think what he may or may not be going doing. rememebr that if you do contact him it wil lset you back and all the weeks of hard work is lost.

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I will not contact him. I just cant do it, there is no reason. But it makes me very sad, as you well know adam, that he has made no contact. Its like wiping a slate clean. That you never even existed to them. Thats what hurts. You usually dont do that unless you really dont want anything to do w/ them, almost like you hate them. Thats the only way I would do that to somebody if I was the dumper, I would really have to hate them.

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Your healing will begin when you give up the last lingering hope that he will come back to you. If he wanted you back he would have already called.

 

Don't do this to yourself - accept it is over and begin to heal.

 

i agree with this. you hoping he will contact you goes to show that your not ready or willing to move on. If you want any chance of him coming around, you need to fully let go and start to focus on you and move on. Some how the universe recognizes these things and if your partner truly still has feelings for you, he will come around but key is to not have hope or focus on that. Focus on you!

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Yes you are right, and I know it. Its just very hard to let go. I really have never been used to focusing on myself, not really that type of person. I love to help others. I know go to the gym and all that stuff but its just a bandaid. Ive been hiking ever since the breakup and its just temporary relief because in the end of the day I still have to go back to my apartment by myself. My family is 200 miles away so I dont see them every weekend and my friends are worthless. Thanks for all the advice, I appreciate it. I just need a different game plan, although i dont know what it is.

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We all say things and do things out of character when we are hurting so forgive yourself for what you said, stop beating yourself up, its normal.

 

Thank you, I beat myself up for those words. They were harsh, although not as harsh as what he said to me.

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Yes you are right, and I know it. Its just very hard to let go. I really have never been used to focusing on myself, not really that type of person. I love to help others. I know go to the gym and all that stuff but its just a bandaid. Ive been hiking ever since the breakup and its just temporary relief because in the end of the day I still have to go back to my apartment by myself. My family is 200 miles away so I dont see them every weekend and my friends are worthless. Thanks for all the advice, I appreciate it. I just need a different game plan, although i dont know what it is.

 

Have you thought about moving back to be closer to your family?

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