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Insulted by being kept up to date on her favorite things.


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Would you feel insulted if someone who loves you kept you up to date on your favorite things.

e.g. music?

 

I've just been told that I have upset her for knowing more about her favorite things.

 

I do it so she knows.

 

Isn't it a good thing to show interest in their favorite things so they know and don't miss out?

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I think there is a line between being interested, and going overboard.

 

For some things, interests, hobbies, whatever..they are mine. Not to sound selfish, but there are things that I enjoy doing outside of my partner..say for instance..scrapbooking. I don't mind when he lets me know there's a sales at Michaels, but if he started going on and on about a company, and their new Christmas release, or the new stickers or whatever...I may feel like he's taking something away from me, kinda overstepping into something I keep separate from him.

If that makes sense. I wouldn't say insulted...but maybe more or less like "Get your own hobby!"

 

Its ok to be interested, but don't go overboard. She may feel like you're getting TOO involved with what she's interested in, and may not be as appealing to her anymore. Like she may enjoy reading the weekly tabloids to update herself on celeb gossip, but if you went and read the magazine first and told her, where's the fun in that?

 

Let her have her interests, and you have yours.

Its ok to be interested or listen when she talks about it, or includes you...but she's clearly bothered by the amount of interest you are displaying.

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Would you feel insulted if someone who loves you kept you up to date on your favorite things.

e.g. music?

 

I've just been told that I have upset her for knowing more about her favorite things.

 

I do it so she knows.

 

Isn't it a good thing to show interest in their favorite things so they know and don't miss out?

 

Like her favorite band is coming out with a new record and you let her know about it?

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Like asti said, don't overdo it... let her have her own pleasures to herself. You don't have to be up on all her hobbies.

 

I'm not in a love relationship with this person but to share something that happened recently:

 

A friend came over to our house one night and when he saw a piece of technology I had, he started to download all this stuff for it and tell me and show me all about it. I was kind of annoyed by him getting all up in my stuff. He was stealing my hobby/pleasure of playing with my own tech junk!

 

The first thing I realized from his behavior: he is really insecure and has to demonstrate how tech-savvy he is all the time: he craves validation. What he was looking for was "OMG you are SO smart for showing me how to work my own toy."

 

The other thing I realized was, he needs to work on his boundaries! Instead of ASKING me did I want him to show me/share with me - basically, checking it out with me first - he just assumed I wanted him playing with my stuff and jumped on my computer and started downloading away.

 

Hope my silly example sheds some light on how it could feel on her side! Good luck my dear.

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Like her favorite band is coming out with a new record and you let her know about it?

 

I did let her know as I know that she was wanting to hear the album.

She told me there was album coming out.

And I found a CD she was wanting for a long time.

So I found it for her.

 

Please be more specific and give some examples.

 

The only other thing I can think of is a store I found she would like while I was travelling.

I was having a rough time with one of my parents so I visited her because she let me (she has this thing about people just turning up on her doorstep) and we went for a drive just to anywhere out of town.

So I drove to that place where she found something precious from her past that she had lost.

Along the way I shared with her some of my interests by dropping into some various stores as she shared with me some of her favorite memorable things.

 

We do have alot of similar interests and traits.

But there are many main interests that I admire about her which I cannot do.

Like painting, story writing and lyric writing.

 

I cannot do those things at all and I tell her.

 

It feels like I have to read her mind on what she wants me to do and what I cannot do.

 

It feels like I have to walk a tight rope.:sad:

 

I do what she wants then it turns into something she didn't ask for, making her feel indebited to her.:sad:

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