ay0_x Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 When I got together with my boyfriend, he used to call me 3 hours a night. We could only see each other once a fortnight because of work + school committments but it was okay since we talked a lot on the phone. Now we've been Long Distance for about 1 month. On the first day I cracked and said I didn't want it and broke it off. But he messaged me a lot, called me and I said it was worth another shot. Because I really do care for him and I felt so bad that I'd hurt him. He called me crying and I felt so terrible, I couldn't forgive myself for it. Lately I guess I've been having problems and it's putting a strain on our relationship- I realize this. My depression has been playing up & I haven't been the perfect girlfriend. I get angry at him too easily. The fact is, if I was able to see him, or he was atleast calling me a lot like before, this wouldn't be a problem: I just don't handle distance very well and I equate distance with "he doesnt really care about me". I know he can't do much about his location but he could atleast call me? When I have to tell him my problems via text message.. it feels so stupid. Really stupid. We text a lot; I hate it. I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me because he doesn't want to deal with me and texting me means he can "be there but not be there". Every time I tell him i feel like he doesn't care about me, he says I'm just trying to pick fights because I want to break up with him. I can see why he feels like that but I get all defensive and I start thinking "Why the hell shouldnt i break up with you? God, I can't see you and you dont even call me anymore!", I don't voice it; I know it's not fair, but its my raw emotion *I* can't call *him* because right now I'm broke... I get paid on Friday so I can call him starting then. I lent him a lot of money before to help him out of a debt, and now that he's not calling me, I'm starting to feel bitter "God, I could have just bought call credits with that money instead". I don't know what to do. I can't text him atm because I'm out of text credits, too. And I really don't want to. I want to push him very very very far away because I'm very hurt by everything. Help? Insight? =[ Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 have you ever tried instant messaging? Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 have you ever tried instant messaging? He doesn't have the internet where he is at the moment, and he hates it. He's really cold in InstantMessage. Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 why on earth would he live in such a place? Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 why on earth would he live in such a place? His family moved over there because they bought a new business (supermarket), and it's in his name. Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 hmm, they should get internet for a supermarket Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 hmm, they should get internet for a supermarket Not till next week. & Like I said, he hates Instant Messaging, he's really cold on it. His dad is also not letting him call me. Which I dont understand at all, but I dont like being the type of person always expecting her boyfriend to explain himself, so I havent asked =\ Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 hmm tis a tricky situation indeed then Link to comment
pivotal Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 I can't believe how many relationships are sustained or problematic as a result of text-messaging. It appears each step in communication technology has the ability to increase insecurities. Can we just progress to the sex-bot already? On a serious note, you don't seem to be prospering from this relationship. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 I can't believe how many relationships are sustained or problematic as a result of text-messaging. It appears each step in communication technology has the ability to increase insecurities. Can we just progress to the sex-bot already? On a serious note, you don't seem to be prospering from this relationship. LOL thank you for the giggle. And yeah, currently, I'm not. I was, he's a good guy, I know he is, it's not his fault, but its just not working right now. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Texting ruined my last relationship! There was a lot of confusion in the end, my ex even thought I broke up with him over a text, I didn't! In the end I THINK he broke up with me over a text. Link to comment
misstarrie Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Text messaging is the lowest form of communication... fine for "can you bring me some milk when you come over" use it for convenience... It cannot sustain a relationship... A lot of guys seem really comfortable with the text messaging thing... But it's not very personal... not the same has having a real time conversation... It sucks... Link to comment
AuthenticAuthor Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 The fact is, if I was able to see him, or he was atleast calling me a lot like before, this wouldn't be a problem Question: Is he the one who usually calls? How often do you call him, when you do have the money that is? Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Question: Is he the one who usually calls? How often do you call him, when you do have the money that is? I used to call him in the first week that we were dating, but he'd always make me hang up, and he'd call me back. After a while when he didn't call as much, I'd still call, but he'd be like "Babe, I'm busy" or "Babe, I'm too tired to talk"... so I stopped calling :sad: Link to comment
AuthenticAuthor Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I used to call him in the first week that we were dating, but he'd always make me hang up, and he'd call me back. After a while when he didn't call as much, I'd still call, but he'd be like "Babe, I'm busy" or "Babe, I'm too tired to talk"... so I stopped calling Sorry to hear that. "too tired to talk" seems to me like a big warning sign that he really doesn't value the conversations. If my significant other were to call me, and I had a long tiresome day, I would note to her that I'm exhausted yet rejuvenated to hear from her again. What better way to end a sucky day than over the phone for at least thirty minutes with your love? Since he clearly does not share your enthusiasm, I say you are justified in thinking he may not care about you as he claims. Whatever his reasons for this, just try to settle the relationship on good terms. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Thank you. I am, I'm trying my hardest at the moment, I really don't want to give in and do the whole bi&chy malicious teenage girl thing. I deleted his number so I couldn't text him, but he texted me, and I didnt want to be really rude so I texted back, but I'm keeping the messages short.. I know it's not a legitimate form of communication so I dont want to keep it going. Link to comment
AuthenticAuthor Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 ay0_x, isn't the whole "My Dad won't let me" argument a weak excuse for him not to call you? I mean, there must at least be pay-phones where he lives right? I don't buy it for a minute. Hope you keep it together; this is one of those times where you're going to have to rethink your priorities and values. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 ay0_x, isn't the whole "My Dad won't let me" argument a weak excuse for him not to call you? I mean, there must at least be pay-phones where he lives right? I don't buy it for a minute. Hope you keep it together; this is one of those times where you're going to have to rethink your priorities and values. When I heard that excuse I thought "You know.. you could go outside. Or sit in the car. Or in the toilet, if you're afraid to wake up your dad =\". I've slept on the floor so many times because I've had to put my phone into the adapter so it wouldn't die out mid-conversation, for him. It's pretty sucky he can't go outside, sit in the car , turn on the heater, and call me. Link to comment
AuthenticAuthor Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Well I take it you are now considering two options: 1) Attempt to work this out with him and hope he will change for the better. 2) End the relationship on good terms and move on to something/someone else. Perhaps the first option will work, but you better be sure about his character. Is he true to his word? Is he honest? Etc. I think from this point you can figure this out for yourself. Regardless of the outcome, everything is going to be fine. There's more to your life than just you and him after all. Link to comment
mikem Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 You should be with someone who values you. The 'to tired to talk' doesn't sound that great. I might consider moving on. It sounds like your instincts were telling you to do so, but he kind of begged to get back with you. Know that he has you back he isn't putting forth the effort phone-wise to keep the relationship going. Communication is the life-blood of the relationship and needs to be sutained and invested in, if the relationship is to continue. I think you should follow your gut instinct on this on. Sometimes we 'know' long before we make the decision, or in your case, you already made a decision but he played on your emotions to stay. I think there is somebody better for you... Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Hey guys, thanks for the advice. I had to confront him last night. I told him about calling me. I said, you could go outside, you could sit in the dark etc. He said "My dad doesn't want me talking to you because of the phone bill". I was so upset. The phone bill. that I HELPED HIM PAY! I spitefully told him to tell his dad that. I told him he was a 19 year old, an adult, and he didn't always have to listen to his dad. And I got... "Whether you like it or not, I'm always going to listen to my dad". I was cut. I'm still so cut. My dad told me I couldn't date him because he wasn't good looking enough and he had a crappy job. I still did, and he can't even pick up the phone to call me? What the hell?! He's going to be in my city this weekend but we havent made plans to see each other because i'm busy with school work. If I can meet him, I'll break up with him. If not, I'll break up with him by phone, I really don't care at this moment. I'm wasting my time. He's killing me. Yesterday I was just thinking to myself... "God, no wonder girls cheat on guys.". I didn't mean it, of course, but I'm sick of this. Thank you all for your advice. I'll let you know how it goes. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 I called him today to confront him. I'm soo soooo sooooooo sick of this! At first he was like "o i cant really talk now" and i lost it and i hung up in his face. Then I called back because no way in hell was i gonna let my pain go. I didn't let him speak. I said all I needed to say. But it still wasn't enough. You know when you're so angry that you can keep talking and you just want to make the other person cry? I was seriously at that point b/c I'm so sick of crying myself to sleep over him. It's still not enough. I hate how badly I want some kind of closure/revenge out of this. I feel so used. We're still together but I hate him. I'm just hurting pretty bad atm. I'm really afraid to be alone though.. Sigh! Link to comment
mikem Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Seek closure, but let go of the quest for revenge. Those types always end up 'reaping what they sowed' anyway. For your own peace of mind take the high road and seek closure. Link to comment
AuthenticAuthor Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 We're still together but I hate him. I'm just hurting pretty bad atm. I'm really afraid to be alone though.. Sigh! C'mon, put your chin up! Have some pride in yourself! So what if you're alone after you leave him; at least you'd be keeping your well-deserved dignity. Self-confidence does not come from anyone but YOU. Remember: you cannot earn the respect of others if you cannot respect yourself. I'm not saying that you should be arrogant; all I'm saying is that life is about reconciling yourself with the universe, and vice versa. Relationships must be balanced, and you remaining in a stubbornly-unbalanced one is an injustice to yourself. It may also be an injustice to Mr.Right, if he exists that is. Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Hey OP, I went through something similar in my last "relationship", which was also long distance. He wasn't really talking to me anymore but every time I tried to end it he would ask me not to. Then it went back to him not communicating with me. When its LD, what else do you have but communication? If that isn't there, it's over for all intents and purposes, even if he doesn't say so outright. In my case, in the end, I just had to shut him off. I blocked off all means of him contacting me because like you I was sick of being jerked around! I considered the possibility that the reason he wasn't talking to me anymore but still asked me to stay everytime I tried to end it, was because he was keeping me on the backburner while he explored a new option. I wasn't having it. Not saying this is what's happening in your case, but it sort of feels that way when they don't talk to you anymore, at the least, it feels you are on the backburner and being treated to shady and dishonest and disrespectful behaviour, either way... I'd probably pull the plug in your position, but whatever you decide, all the best. (Fellow aussie here by the way!) Link to comment
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