quiddy Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 hi everyone ! my story is long and i deal with this everyday for past 1,5 year going crazy. I have nobody to help me solve my problem and i am emotionally drained. I met my boyfriend 4 years ago in europe where he was travelling. We met in the u.k, we were getting along really well and started living together almost right away. It was a great time except one issue- he was extremly jealous and was driving me nuts with asking questions or checking my phone. I was angry and he was apologising all the time saying he will be different. We spent there abt 6 months and then he was to go back to australia where he is from. He wanted me to come with him so we came to australia together. He wasnt in his country for abt 2 years so we had to stay with his mum which was pretty awkward for me, the plan was for him to find a job so we could rent a flat and move out unfortunately he was lazy and was hanging out with his friends that he hadnt seen for a while. I found a few hours job cos i was not able to work cos i was on tourist visa cos i felt bad that his mum was paying for everything so i was giving her the money for food. Then one day he was taking his brother to school cos he was to sign for a course and came home saying that he was going to go to school too. He was 25 then. I was so angry cos we were living at his mum and instead of being an adult and taking care of himself he decided to get a school without planning anything before. he started his school i was sitting at home everyday alone, his mum was working, i had no car, no friends, nothing. After all that time-6 months living like this i decided to go back to europe cos i was not able to deal with a life like this.I said "finish school and we will see what it is like cos i am not able to work legally here and feel dumb having your mum to pay for bills and stuff". I was in the uk for a year we were in contact callling everyday, i had a pretty good job, lived with my friends, was going to uni, having fun, shopping and so on. During meantime he moved out from his mum and came to the place that is like 4 hours from the nearest city in the middle of nowhere-7000 people cos his dad lives here. Parents were divorced for a long time. His dad has an optical store and he was doing the course to come here and work for a while and then maybe get a job in the city. Before i came back to austarlia for the 2nd time he was always saying that he was to be here for few months and then he would live in a bigger place. i was here before and new what it was i didnt want to live in this small place permanently cos ia m a big city girl. Anyway he was saying that everything will be great and so on, i loved my life in the uk but loved him too so i thought fine i will try. I came here 1,5 year ago and since that time my life didnt change. He works everyday-6 days a week, i sit at home, we live in his house, i am not able to work cos i would have to marry him and to be honest there is nowhere to work here, this place has a huge factory, mcdonald, tool store, hairdressers and taht's it. I have a BA degree and i am not going to work at mcdonald. I am not going to work with him neither cos we just do not agree on many things and i am this kind of person that i need personal space i cant live and work with the same person. So i am 4 hours from the nearest city,i cant work, i have no car, have no friends cos we never go anywhere except his father, there is nowhere to go anyway. We sit at home everyday, my only entertainment is internet, tv and supermarket shopping once a week. I have a cute dog and i think that this is basically what keeps me here. We visited his mum once this year - for a week and being in the city we didnt do anything neither - except him hanging out with his friends where i do not go cos they get drunk and dont have girlfriends , i do not drink. I am angry with him everyday for not doing anything to make my life better, he just goes to work and doesnt care that i am wasting my life here. I am angry, disappointed, i am isolated and hate it here. I cry every other day cos i want to work so badly, i want to be independent, i want to see my family i want to go somewhere, have friends, wear nice clothes instead tracksuites cos i dont go anywhere. I am 26 and feel so tired of life cos all i do is sitting with my doggy 24/7, cooking and washing dishes. I know that if i do not leave my life will never change. I was a happy person before i got stuck in here and now i feel as if i was 80 and my life was over. I want to leave everyday but being with sb for 4 years doesnt help and iwill miss my dog soooo much i want to be a beutician but being here i will just be a housewife cos he is taking care abt his career and doesnt care that i feel stupid and ashamed of not doing anything in my life I am so agry with him because of the whole situation - that i wasted 4 years of my life being in a relationship that doesnt let me be independent that i am starting to hate him. The worst is that he doesnt understand my problem here and the main issue is that my mum has been dependent on my father for the whole life and i do not want to be like her. Having no job and no money. She wanted to divorce him many years ago cos he was drinking and cheating on her but she had no money to support us-me and my brother and he was threatening her with taking us away from her cos he had money. You see u never know what will happen in life and i can't believe that everything will be different than in my family when i was a kid cos i do not have a good example so i want to be independent just in case. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Well, there's a hairdressers and you want to be a beautician. Link to comment
karvala Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 I honestly don't understand why you moved back to Australia for the second time when you did. I'd have thought the lesson from the first time was that this guy is all talk; don't follow him on the promise that things will be better at some later point, wait until they actually are. He clearly does the minimum that he thinks he can get away with. It's evident that all the sacrifices here are on your side: he hasn't tried to move back to the UK to be with you at all, didn't move out of his mum's all the time you were there first time, hasn't moved out of the small town all the time you've been there second time. He's Mr "I'm alright, Jack". The only way things are going to change is if you change them. If it were me, I'd be looking up flights at this point. Link to comment
quiddy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 u see that is my problem that i do sth before i think - if i love sb thats why i came back but he was saying he would not stay here for so long when i tell him that i do not want to live here he says that i am selfish cos he says that he has a job here. God , is it the only place where you can have a job? he lives here cos he goes to work when he wants too- 9:00 am or 12:00 he gets off at 2:00 pm or 5:00 pm cos it is his fathers bussiness so how am i selfish when he lives here and stops me from having my life just because he wants to work for 5 hours per day? he has his father here -5 minutes driving, his mum, brothers, job, he has a car, house, he has friends when he goes to his mum and i have nothing my family is in europe, i havent seen them for 1,5 year , i have a dog here and him thats all and i hear that i am selfish cos i want to move somewhere else. But how can i live like this? please tell me who is selfish here cos maybe i am wrong ? i am so lost in the whole situation that i am losing my mind Link to comment
pivotal Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Lack of planning and dissatisfaction leave you with one choice, to move home. The situation is not going to change anytime soon, if ever. And, you sound like a prisoner rather than a functional independent woman. Link to comment
russ978 Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 I'm slowly trying to work my way through your post. If you use paragraphs rather than giant runon sentences, it is MUCH easier to read.... Link to comment
quiddy Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 can anyone else leave a comment please Link to comment
SunniDee Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 No offense quiddy, but what else do you think there is to be said? I think everyone in this thread voiced what needed to be said. Nobody is going to tell you anything but what was advised in this thread. Nobody would advise you to stay in such a dependent and sad environment. If your boyfriend loves you as much as you love him (you've picked up your life and moved for him TWICE and the situation was very uncomfortable), he would find a way to make you happy and get you settled in better. He is not doing that. He's allowing you to be miserable in a foreign country and not helping at all. You don't just leave somebody who gave up so much to be with you alone in the home all day! He's being selfish quiddy. He's not acting like a man who wants his girlfriend to fit into his life. Link to comment
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