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is this okay?


hblakely

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so i dated a guy for around 5 and a half months the second semester of my freshman year of college. we live in different cities like 4 hours away from eachother but were still going to try to make it work. we did for about a month and a half, until at the beginning of july, we decided to take a break from eachother until school starts back up. he needed to "figure some things out" and i was okay with that so i stuck around.

 

even after we broke up, he told me he loved me everyday and would tell me how he couldn't wait to get back to school to start dating again. seriously, you guys should read some of the things he would say to me. he even once called me his girlfriend while on this break and i called it out,reminding him that we aren't dating, and he said "no, i don't care what you say."

 

at the beginning of the break i had told him that if he was going to hook up with people, that i just didnt want to know. i knew that we werent dating and i didnt wanna hold him back, so i just accepted the fact that it was probably going to happen. he's just that type of guy. when i told him this, he sent me a long message telling me that he didn't want that and was upset that i even said it. and that while he's "figuring things out", that was the last thing he needed. and i believed him.

 

well tonight, we were talking, and he made a comment about how he does a lot of messed up things and i still want to stick around, and i was like "what ind of messed up things? cause if you're doing bad things you gotta tell me." i think this might have been a mistake, and maybe confused him a little.

 

so, he tells me. that he has been hooking up with people. i have not been, as i really thought our understanding was that we werent going to. i knew that he would NOT be happy if i did it, so i didnt'.

 

so now i need opinions. i understand that i told him to tell me, and that i had told him before that we weren't dating so i wasn't there to hold him back..but my issue is that he sat there and told me that he didn't want to and was mad that i would even say something like that. giving me the impression that it wasn't supposed to happen. and the fact that he told me he loved me everyday and told me he wanted to be with me and only me, and basically acted like my boyfriend.

 

what am i supposed to think about this? i know i'm the only one who can decide, but i just need some outside opinions. thanks!

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haha yes, i share that same opinion.

 

but if i would have done anything like that, he would have left me in a second. he still hated the guys that i slept with before i even knew him, and gets pissy if i'm in a picture with another guy..

 

i know it wouldn't have been okay with him, so i don't think it should be okay with me either, you know?

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well i waited for him for about 3 weeks, and he told me that he was ready to date again. and honestly, all of the things he was figuring out could not have been solved in 3 weeks, and even if they were, i wanted to make sure to not make the same mistake twice, and wait until we got back to school. to give him a little more time.

 

i figured if i waited for him, he could wait for me.

 

and it isn't that he hooked up with someone that upsets me, it's just that he still treated me how he did. like his girlfriend. and i'm sorry, if you love someone the way he said he loved me, you could keep it in your pants for a month. i have..

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A young male, distance, convenient college girls and an almost-ride-all-the-rides-in-the-park-for-free pass sounds completely non-committal.

 

He may very well love you. He may very well love the variety within his grasp. Try to make some sense of it, try to date and try to be committed. None of this is easy to manage.

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You can figure all you want, but how you behave is not going to be how everyone behaves. Tell him that you need a break, then take one. You're not going to get fairness in this world. If you're lucky, you might get fun for a little while.

 

so just because not everyone will behave like me, i should accept disrespect?

 

i think in a relationship there should be no double standards, and if it was not okay for me to do, then it isn't okay for him to do.

 

i guess i've made my decision.

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so just because not everyone will behave like me, i should accept disrespect?

 

i think in a relationship there should be no double standards, and if it was not okay for me to do, then it isn't okay for him to do.

 

i guess i've made my decision.

 

No, don't EVER accept that kind of behavior...even from someone you love! I will share my break-up story with you if you like. My ex was HORRIBLE to me. I loved him so much, he was my first real love. He treated me like dirt.

 

As always, you deserve better!

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so just because not everyone will behave like me, i should accept disrespect?

 

i think in a relationship there should be no double standards, and if it was not okay for me to do, then it isn't okay for him to do.

 

i guess i've made my decision.

 

That's exactly what I didn't say, but you came to the conclusion I was leading you to. So I guess my point was taken.

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That's exactly what I didn't say, but you came to the conclusion I was leading you to. So I guess my point was taken.

 

sorry i interpreted it the wrong way. but i guess whatever worked, as i'm definitely not going to stick around for him any longer and i think that's for the best.

 

thanks to all of you.

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