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Chapter One: When do rebound relationships happen, and, were/are you in one without knowing it.


WildChild

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It’s been sometime now since I’ve been out on ENA and posted anything. For those of you who remember me, you may remember my reasons for first joining this site, which ultimately has brought me here today. For those who don’t know me, please feel free to review my threads when I first joined. If you’re reading this, then you are probably questioning if you are or were a rebound, and may give you some insight of how and where rebound relationships come from, how they work, and why they end in disaster many times, sometimes YEARS down the road.

 

Let me start by saying I don’t have all the answers and I’m not a professional by any sense of the definition. It goes without saying that not all relationships end because you or your ex were a rebound, because many other things do come into play to the ending of relationships whether they end amicably or not. If you find your relationship ends abruptly and your ex has moved on rather quickly, I can give you my insight due to personal insight, reflection, and my research of the subject as of today.

 

First, what is a rebound relationship? Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines rebound (in terms of a relationship) as a reaction to setback, frustration, or crisis .

 

Now, why am I ultimately here, what is the reason for this thread? Because I find myself in a very precarious situation: Was I a rebound relationship for him and didn’t even know it, and is his current relationship a rebound relationship due to our breakup? Why am I questioning this? I met him within 1 to 1.5 years after his 13-year relationship ended due to her infidelity who she is still with (keep in mind he cheated on her during the course of their relationship, some she knew about, and some she didn’t), AND, because our relationship abruptly ended a month ago this past Friday after 4.5 years and he began seeing an old friend from high school the next day. (No, they hadn’t been seeing each other prior, and this I do know).

 

We had our ups and downs, especially in the beginning. But things seemingly got better, our initial problems were worked out, and we talked about marriage, buying a home, having kids, and all the dreams couples share together. The biggest issue we had in any recent months was him intentionally or seemingly intentionally ignoring me, my calls, or what have you. We’d talked about it many times, and most recently he “promised he wouldn’t do it anymore” because he could see I was serious that I didn’t like it, it hurt me, and I felt rejected. He “understood.”

 

Fast forward to a month ago, things were great and we were looking forward to the holiday weekend. His family was home and there were a lot of plans to enjoy the great weather, fair, going to the beer tent to meet up with friends etc. He and his sister decided to go to the tent that evening, and because I had to work early on the 4th, I declined his invitation to join them, he told me to call if I needed anything or wanted to chat, that it wouldn’t be late, said our “I love you” to each other, and told him to stay at his parents if he was going to be drinking so he wouldn’t have to drive, and hung up. However when I did trying calling and texting, guess what? He ignored them, and intentionally. (I saw that he was reading my texts, therefore, he saw my missed calls.). When he finally DID answer me over an hour later, he was furious by every meaning of the word, told me it was over, I had NO reason to be upset or hurt, and although I was hurt, I thought “geez, maybe I did over react” and was beginning to apologize when boom, the bomb: he told me he was “going back for a girl that wanted to.” He proceeded to give me ultimatums that A) He did nothing wrong but visit with our friends so I had 5 minutes to get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness for “flipping out” in his terms, and if I didn’t, then B) never to contact him again because it was OVER. He never mentioned it again, and kept on and on about how he did nothing wrong…almost as though he never mentioned “this other girl.”

 

Of course I couldn’t be certain if there was someone else or not and if he was just trying to get a rise out of me, BUT, after telling me about this “girl who wanted to” there was absolutely no way I was going to apologize. You see, he knew I wouldn’t. Why? Because we both knew that if he ever cheated on me, it would be over between us because I had been through that already with my ex-husband, the one thing he promised he would never do. And there, my readers, was his out.

 

What I didn’t know then, but soon figured out, he had given this long lost friend his phone number, after she showed interest in him, and without telling her he was in a relationship, during the time I was calling and texting him. He has spoken to me only three times since, has yet to explain anything or give any answers, has seen her and talked to her steadily since, and in all accounts I or the last 4.5 years never existed.

 

So, how does any of this pertain to rebound relationships? Through all of my crying, questioning, reflecting, the roller coaster of emotions, and, reading about infidelity, coping with breakups, and finally, for any glimmer of hope to salvage a relationship with the man I loved, if maybe, just maybe, this new woman is a rebound relationship for him, and he’s using her to get over me because maybe this only started with her as lust and it isn’t going anywhere. However, what I have began to realize and now wonder is did our breakup just happen, or had the demise of our relationship begin from the very first day?

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I just started a rebound relationship..In actuality, I just rebounded off a past rebound relationship..Confusing huh?

 

Although I know full well what I'm doing, I have my own set of agenda's.

 

I just turned 41, never married, no kids. I've been in a ton of relationships, some rebounds, some I've eased into after totally healing.

 

My ex,ex, who was a non-rebound, left me after 8 yrs..She professed the unconditional love and committment BS, and in the end, wasted 8 yrs of my life.

 

She was 13 yrs younger than I, so it was just a train stop for her.

 

I quickly went into a rebound relationship with my ex, which lasted 2 yrs.

 

I personally don't feel the end of our relationship ended from her being a rebound. It was more about compatibility issues.

 

I find myself as I get older more and more focused on getting what makes me happy.

 

Relationships make me happy. Being alone sucks. I do, for courtesy and respect, let the partner I'm with know that I just got out of a relationship, so they will take accountability for our future as well..

 

Life is too short to feel like crap everyday because didn't want you in their life.

 

I do believe that some people should take a measure of time to grieve and mourn for their break up. But also realize that our ex has already moved on and is opening doors to their future, while we keep our locked and barricaded.

 

For every person we meet and shun away because our hearts are in agony, is a opportunity we toss away with someone that could be our life mate.

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I don't know at this point truly what I want from him, if even any answers. He told me originally he wasn't able to talk about it now, and last week said that as for now there was nothing to talk about. I'm not sure KG if you meant that his and I's relationship was a rebound, or if the woman he's pursuing now is a rebound, but why I think I was I theorize in my Chapter Two,however, since I already posted one, I can't post it LOL

 

I'm still in the process of figuring things out, and without any answers from him, I guess I'm going at this alone. For helping me work through all of this, it helps to write it down, and of course gain the perspectives of others.

 

Macleod, you are at least up front and honest, therefore, allowing whoever comes into your life a choice. He never even told her about me, and I can about guarantee the farm had this "argument" not insued to the point, or giving him a "reason" to break it off, he would have figured out a reason to end it very shortly after that night? Why? Because she didn't know about me, and began texting him right away early Saturday morning. I think his hope was that I would never figure it out, and when I did, it would appear that they started seeing each other after we broke up, and it would never come to light what he actually did behind my back.

 

She regardless of the fact, and regardless of god only knows what he told her about me or our relationship once she found out, is certainly a force to be reckoned with. I don't think her intentions are genuine, and it's just a game of who can get him and keep him the longest. That too is another chapter.

 

Thanks...it feels good to talk about it with people who aren't close to the situation..it opens up for honest opinions and perspectives without anyone being swayed by either one of us. Just my theories and emotions is all LOL

I

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