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I don't understand what she wants, maybe you can help


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Hi all.


A bit of history first: We were together for 4 months, she was after a 3 year relationship, her ex cheated on her and she broke up with him. I know I was the rebound, however feelings were building from my side and also from hers.


During our relationship her ex kept on pestering her, she had to change tel no to get rid of him. One evening he came to her door to talk, they talked, he kissed her. She told me she felt sorry the moment it happened but realized that she still has feelings from him.


After we broke up I did the pleading part for a couple of days and then we had a conversation. I asked her where do we stand. She told me she does not know and that she needs time to sort things out, as she feels torn between two choices (me or him). She also has some important exams as she was finishing college.


When she told me she needs time I went NC. It's been over a month now, however this week some things happened:


- on tuesday she invited me to go roller-skating. I went and kept it light, normal conversation, some jokes.

- this thursday she sent me an text message saying: "By whom are the things placed in such an order? And why do we have to follow it? What about feelings? Does anyone care about what you feel, about what you don't feel? Have you asked yourself this?"


I replied: "I don't know who made things like this. All I know is that sometimes things happen independently of what you think to be the normal way of life. As for feelings, yes, someone cares. The ones that care about you. The ones that you are dear to them. Sometimes, even if we wish things were different, it's impossible. You are supposed to be in that moment. It's not easy but it's life. Maybe it's stupid, but I read something: 'You have to risk it to get the biscuit'. You always have a choice to make. With your heart, with your brains, it's irrelevant. But in the end you have to believe everything will be ok."


- last night I got an email from her, quoting a song:

"We'll never know what connected us

When it was over all of the sudden

When we forgot

All is left is our story

Does anyone believe in the past?"


She said this song has been in her mind the last days and she thought to share it with me.


How my question: What does she want? Is she really reaching out or she's just playing with me?I am getting nuts here. 'elp.

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Maybe she is trying to get you interested again, and after asking you to go skating she hoped you would ask her to do something.


Maybe she is just playing a game with you. (i dont know why they do it, but sadly there are girls and guys who do such cruel things)


I would suggest sticking to what your doing. If she invites you out again, go, keep it light and casual. Let her make it clear whats going on before you jump the gun. Maybe she just wants to be friends and you think she wants you back.

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It sounds to me as she is trying to figure out her own emotions and what she wants, and she feels conflicted. She is keeping you as a "friend" to use for emotional support through that process.


She's not emotionally available for any relationship. That's all you really need to know!

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Maybe she is trying to get you interested again, and after asking you to go skating she hoped you would ask her to do something.


I did sent her a text message after the skating ride, telling her I had fun and maybe one day we'd go for a coffee.



Also, on that song there was another part saying:

"Alone here, just by myself

In your place there's noone, i am always alone

I search for you, late in the night

Close to you i'd like to be"


Well, I guess I will have to keep with the NC. I just wish she'd tell me what she really wants in normal words instead of quoting a song. I was never good at reading this kind of signs and it's driving me insane trying to figure out what message she is trying to send.

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