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What if the dumper is angry with the dumpee and to leave was a head-decision??


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Story: I am 23, my ex is 25. He was my first boyfriend and everything and I was his. He did/does love me, we were engaged, he asked me to move in 2 weeks prior to break up after 4 years relationship. He has big big trouble at university and at times he had to study he got angry with me when I nagged...So I did it again and he just started ignoring me and send my stuff via mail - he didn't officially break up. I tried to contact him 5 weeks long every 10 days and he ignored every single attempt (email, texting, calling and so on) but reacted by sending the things I asked for. He even told friends that I tried everything to get him back so I am SURE he read just everything. I know he is very angry about my behaviour and so on and he did suffer since his mother told me he didn't leave his room for 2 months after break up. I know he didn't leave me because he "fall out of love", he left because he was fed up and just so angry...After that 5 weeks I went NC and broke NC after 6 weeks (he ignored email), then went NC again...So all together 4 months NC (once breaking NC) and 5 months since break up. My friends just recently met him and told me that he looks just horrible and didn't talk much that evening. So I know he loves me but he is just soooooo angry at me and doesn't want to deal with that any more...

 

Will his anger vanish one day? Is it common for dumpers to leave out of anger and being fed up with a person and how are the chances in that case if the person still loves to get back together..

 

He even deleted all friends/sister and me at facebook...maybe he even changed his number and mail-address so I can't contact him ever again to get over me...

 

Can I convince him somehow to come back since it was a "head-decision"...

 

I know I might sound crazy to you guys since he acted that "cruel" and like a jerk but I just need to get that thoughts out of my system and so I am spamming you ...

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This is a tricky one. I would say in normal circumstances that you should convey somehow how sorry you are. Writing this down could be helpful, or you could physically confront him. I got angry a few months back with how I was being treated and left and yes, I had angry thoughts towards my ex. She never made any real attempt to make amends.

 

But I read it again and saw that he seemed to get angry at you for a lot of things. On the outset, I would say that was his problem more than yours, especially if he didn't actually break up with you and just brushed you off. On that score, perhaps he has some issues. He might well be too proud to say something by the sounds of it but in all honesty, it's his move.

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All you can really do im my opinion is apologize for nagging him all the time and ask/tell him if he gave another chance you would work hard to change. Then go NC.

 

If he contacts you great, if he does not, great you went NC and are over him.

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That's the point...I know he is suffering and I know he might have had reasons to break up with me but I think I didn't deserve THAT treatment.

I thought about writing a letter a million times but I am afraid about his reaction - him not answering and getting angry with me for not accepting his decision and I am afraid he won't even read the letter and throw it away immediately so he won't have to deal with it again...

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You can't convince him to come back because you would be doing the same thing that drove him away......PRESSURISING.

 

Give him space and some time and Im sure that if he really loves you as you say, he will be back and when HE'S ready....

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well you can't control him, but you can decide what YOU think is the right thing to do.

 

If you truly feel that your behavior warrants an apology, then perhaps you should send him that information - a letter is a good way because it doesn't put any pressure on the receiver to feel like they have to reply immediately.

 

If you feel regret over your actions, then apologizing might help you move towards closure, regardless of what his reaction is.

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Yeah...if I write him AGAIN...he would think: "she still doesn't get it and doesn't accept my wish"...

Moreover I apologized writing a long email (during that 5 weeks at the beginning) to him and he didn't even respond...I think saying I am sorry didn't work since he already decided it doesn't work for him and I will never change...

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The way you wrote your first post, you made it seem he broke up with you after you continually nagged him, even though you knew he was going through a lot at school.

 

Its not like you nagged him once and he ran. Sorry how harsh this is, but you deserved it. You were warned and did not change to save the relationship.

 

As i said in my first post, and as d_lish said, he needs space and time. I suggested you tell him your willing to work hard at not nagging him if he were to give you a 2nd chance. then go NC to let him have his space and time. If it was meant to be, he will come back to you.

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You are right I nagged but he didn't tell me he had an examination at university so I assumed he had holidays just as I did at that time...His FRIEND told me he had to study but that was after he had send my stuff via mail---how should I have guessed he had to study if he didn't even tell me...

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I think you have reaaaally tried. For whatever reason, a reason you can't understand, he doesn't want to hear from you. Do not idealise him or give him excuses, does he do the same for you? NO. He goes around saying cr@p about you, he is avoiding responsibility. It is selfish and unfair you know? HE needs to deal with it, not you. If you contact him again you will be the BURDEN and I'm sure you don't wanna be that.

There was a time when things were good but that is not the present. I know how hard it is for you to accept that particularly since you haven't had proper "closure". But I think his actions are your closure. If he can't get over this anger that's his problem you sure are not gonna help him with it, is he helping you?

aaah, I know I'm being strict, I suppose we make a lot of excuses for the people we love and we stop looking at how they treat us. I just don't think he should be so angry at you, badmouthing you and stuff...I mean really..were you THAT bad?

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No...I wasn't ...not even close...I did everything for him - really... And I nagged that particular day because he had MY car for over 2 weeks and I needed it for one day and he ignored that wish and I had to drive to him to fetch it myself...

 

I never complained if he told me he won't talk to me the next weeks and I shouldn't call him since he has to study ...I tried really hard not to bother him during that times and if I would have known he had an examination I wouldn't have nagged about my car...

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