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I don't know how to bring it up...


-Sanguine-

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I hope this is in the right section, I was unsure.

 

anyways, I want to go on birth control.

The thing is, I am 18 and will be living at home until the end of August where I will be moving to the city. I want to go on it before then because I will not have a car to get around in the city and I would rather go to a clinic nearby that I am more comfortable with.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we have not had sex and I just want to be prepared for it when I'm living on my own.

I want to tell her so that I am not sneaking around behind her back. We are not that close, but I feel it is something I should bring up to let her know. I'm just having a hard time telling her..

if there are any mom's on here and you had a daughter in my situation come to you and say this, how would you respond?

I have just never been good at talking to her about stuff like this so I am unsure as to how to go about it. I know I am overthinking it but it is important to me that I go on the pill and that she know about it so I won't have to hide anything from her.

 

any advice?

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Personally, I never wanted to talk to my mom or anyone else in my family anything about this. I was 18 before I ever did anything, and since I was legally an adult I didn't think it was any of their business anyway.

 

You are an adult. You can just make an appointment at any clinic you want, get it done & get a year-long prescription to be filled at any pharmacy monthly. Whether or not you tell your mom- and how you do it- is up to you.

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I am almost 28, lived with my boyfriend for 2 years - and my mother still pretends I have never had sex. I think it is one of those things that mothers don't like to hear.

 

I have never discussed birthcontrol with my mother, I made that choice on my own, but I have had to discuss serious and mature issues with her. The best way I have found to do it is to tell her this is what you are doing/have done, don't "ask". In this case I think it would be a simple "just to let you know, I am starting to take birth control ... etc etc etc." You don't have to explain your motives if you don't want to(she may ask). But honestly, if you are moving out I am sure she would rather you be responsible than get pregnant. I am sure she has a lot of worries on her mind about you moving - so this can at least be one less.

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I live at home and I'm 20, I still live here because my family convinced me not to move away for uni to save money. Meh. But I went on BC this year, I didn't mention anything to my mum simply as it's an awkward subject. She hates talking about anything sex related with me. As you are a legal adult I say if you want to do it just do it. It's your private life, your buisiness, and she doesn't need to give you permission.

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When I was in grade 12 this year, my mom was constantly worrying about me being alone with my boyfriend. I always told her you don't have to worry cause I won't have sex until I'm on the pill, which is very true and I stand by it. So I'm hoping this will take worries away from her, like you said, rikka.

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I live at home and I'm 20, I still live here because my family convinced me not to move away for uni to save money. Meh. But I went on BC this year, I didn't mention anything to my mum simply as it's an awkward subject. She hates talking about anything sex related with me. As you are a legal adult I say if you want to do it just do it. It's your private life, your buisiness, and she doesn't need to give you permission.

 

 

That's very true. It's just that it's only my mom and I living at home. I don't have my own vehicle. If I make an appointment at a clinic out of town or in town, I'm going to need her vehicle and she's going to wonder where I'm going. I do not like to lie to her. So I wanted to just say it, so she knows and that would be it.

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When I was in grade 12 this year, my mom was constantly worrying about me being alone with my boyfriend. I always told her you don't have to worry cause I won't have sex until I'm on the pill, which is very true and I stand by it. So I'm hoping this will take worries away from her, like you said, rikka.

 

That's a good indication that she'll act maturely and appropriately.

 

My mom was convinced that I would never have sex until marriage.

 

When I asked her if I should get guardia (the HPV vaccination), she told me while I was in the doctor's office, standing next to the doctor, "Why would you need that? You're not having sex".

 

Then she went on and on in the car ride home about how embarassed I should be for showing the doctor what a * * * * I was for even asking.

 

The doctor ended up asking me, when I was alone, if I wanted to get it without telling my mom. I felt too guilty to say yes.

 

I was 19 when that happened.

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Personally, I applaud you for wanting to be upfront with your mother. I think it shows strength and courage and exactly the kind of relationship that daughters and mothers SHOULD have.

 

When I was still a teen I had to tell my mom not that I wanted to be on the pill (I bet that was what she was wishing afterwards maybe), but that I was pregnant.

 

Luckily, I have a very calm and understanding mother, and as I've gotten older we have only gotten closer... but that doesn't change the fact that I was completely terrified to talk to her about it at the time. I thought my heart would leap out of my chest.

 

But... ultimately I knew she would love me and be there for me - she would not disown me, hurt me or treat me bad. If you know the same of your mother - whether or not you are "close" - then it is all a matter of getting over your fear of opening up.

 

Our mothers were once young too. They have had sex.

 

Perhaps you could start by just calmly asking to talk to her, and making sure to point out that you have NOT had sex with your boyfriend yet, but that you are trying your best to be a mature and responsible adult, and you just really didn't want to hide anything from her on the matter.

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^^^^ excellent post.

 

I too applaud you for wanting to be upfront with your mother and dealing with this very maturely, and for being responsible. I think your previous discussions regarding not having sex until you are on the pill has paved the way for this conversation.

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Hi... a mom here. Maybe you can take my situation and reverse it to be appropriate to yours...

 

One evening, I approached my 17-year-old daughter and sat her down. I told her that I knew she would eventually want to be intimate with someone (she didn't have a boyfriend at the time) and that when that time came, I wanted her to be prepared. We talked a little bit more on the subject of STDs, teen pregnancy, and life choices. A few days later I bought her condoms and bananas for practice runs, and yes even though it was embarrassing for everyone (husband participated too) at least we were both sure she knew how to handle a condom.

 

Then I took her to our family doctor, who was a very young pretty and hip lady, to get an exam and ask any questions she was too embarrassed to ask me. She got a prescription for birth control (even though she didn't fill it, at least she had it).

 

Then she went off to college.

 

Now, your situation is a bit different and I think you will do the right thing to approach your mom even though you are scared. No parent on earth would wish an unplanned pregnancy or std on their kid, ask her to please help you get suited up and ready for the eventuality of intimacy with your boyfriend. You are ready to ask for her help? You're ready.

 

God bless and good luck...

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I'd be fine but I don't think that's much help to you, cos we have always been able to talk about this stuff. (How glad I am! I NEVER talked to my Mum!!)

 

It's a really tough one. How important is it that you tell her? How likely is she to find out? I really admire you for wanting to be adult about it. Best perhaps just to say very casually, "Oh just so you know - I'm going to go on BC. I'm not in a place where I NEED it yet, but I want to be ready for when I do."

 

Hopefully she won't throw a fit, but if she does, just don't enter into an argument. Don't react if she calls you names. Just keep it calm and say, "It's my body and my decision. I'm glad you've brought me up to be responsible. I'm sorry if you aren't toohappy about it but please appreciate that I wanted to be open with you."

 

That's my best shot, sorry!

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