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Irrational Response????


confusedgirrl
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Hi guys, I'm back again and would like your opinions.

 

This guy I am kinda dating made plans with me to go to an event last night, when I came home yesterday evening he messaged me to tell me that he found out that the price for the event was $50 and since he was getting in free he wouldnt ask me to pay that if it turns out that the event was not good. He told me he would check and let me know if he was still going. I automatically assumed that he was going to cancel because maybe he found out his ex was going to be there. Later that night when he left home he called me to say he was leaving home and that he would let me know if he was going to stay once he saw how things were. Half an hour later he texted me to tell me things were good and asked if i was still coming, at this point i was still a bit pissed so I just responded with no, he said ok and that was it.

 

This morning I texted him to ask if he was coming to work and he responded with just no and usually he would have told me why he wasnt coming or if he wasnt feeling well. Now that I have had some time to think about it I think I may have over reacted and been a bit rude and am wondering if I should apologize to him and how I would go about bringing it up.

 

What do you guys think?

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I think you did slightly over react. He did everything he said he was going to do so it doesn't seem like he was lying or anything suspicious... I think he was genuine in what he said and when he got there he did ask if you were coming and you declined... but at least he asked. A red flag to me would be him not even texting you when he got there, that to me would show disinterest in you.

 

I think you did slightly over react, but then again I don't think texting is a good way to communicate. He's a guy so he probably doesn't think one word answers make girls overanalyze for hours on end... lol. Then again that's a good thing for you because he probably took no offense to your "no" answer that night either... So I don't really think he's at home over analyzing like you. I think you're fine...

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I think you assumed to much and made the scenario horrible for yourself.

 

He simply went to a place to check it out for you so you wouldn't have to pay if it blew (which I think is pretty considerate)...

 

And you were the one who put all the thought into his ex and assumed he would cancel. You freaked yourself out.

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well... the situation to me does sound a little bit strange, personally i very much dislike plans like that that are unstable until the last second, but also if he is getting in for free, why wouldn't he pay half of your ticket so both of you can get a deal. sounds a little bit cheap to me for him to get in for free and you have to pay $50. and pretty tasteless.

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sounds a little bit cheap to me for him to get in for free and you have to pay $50. and pretty tasteless.

 

She said guy she's "kinda" dating... I personally wouldn't shell out money for someone I'm "kinda" dating. If we're not committed then it's a different ball park from someone I am dating and that definitely includes me spending my money on them...

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XxJustMexX-yes I am here overanalyzing his no this morning. I cant seem to help it. lol I am wondering if he is angry about last night. It is driving me crazy.

 

debaser wolf- at first it sounded like he was going to cancel and I automatically thought about his ex because she is always there popping up or calling at the worse times so I automatically decided that she was the reason he was now bringing it up about the price.

 

happyfrank- I am so afraid to call him because he might not answer my call if he is angry. So i was thinking just send him a text to see how he is feeling and if he responds I would take it from there. What do you think?

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I think you may have just projected your feelings and thoughts into the situation.

 

You felt like his ex would show up, so, you inserted it into the situation by overthinking it, even though the ex was no where to be found in reality.

 

I do that a lot.

 

Like if a guy doesn't pick up his phone. I'll convince myself that he's ignoring me and just get pissy with him...even though he's actually in the shower. Or something crazy like that.

 

The best thing to do is just admit how you feel to the guy. "I got the feeling you were going to cancel on me, I made myself angry" and clear the air.

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XxJustMexX-yes I am here overanalyzing his no this morning. I cant seem to help it. lol I am wondering if he is angry about last night. It is driving me crazy.

 

debaser wolf- at first it sounded like he was going to cancel and I automatically thought about his ex because she is always there popping up or calling at the worse times so I automatically decided that she was the reason he was now bringing it up about the price.

 

happyfrank- I am so afraid to call him because he might not answer my call if he is angry. So i was thinking just send him a text to see how he is feeling and if he responds I would take it from there. What do you think?

 

I think you should call him. He could of paid 100 dollar for both tickets or 50 dollars for one ticket. You didn't want to go with him. I would be upset too.

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he responded but with another one word answer, which makes me wonder if he is angry but I would figure that if he is angry he wouldnt have responded at all. I will call him this evening after work and talk to him.

 

Not necessarily the case. Even if I'm mad at someone, I'll answer... with one word. lol. Not trying to bust your bubble there... Just sayin.

 

And that's why I hate texting! lol.

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I agree with debaserwolf on all, on this one...

 

And I don't think he had any obligation to offer to pay for some of your ticket. Who knows what his financial situation is or what your & his dating situation is around money.

 

He did do everything he said he was going to do, and you did by your own admittance, make assumptions. These are always communication killers & lead to upset in relationships. I've done the same - we all have. So now I catch myself when I start to assume.

 

If you apologize, if you are really good friends, sort of dating, & have a healthy relationship, then why should he not accept that? What exactly is it that you are afraid of in talking to him about this? That he'd tell you off or that he wouldn't want to see you anymore?

 

That would be a pretty big "consequence" for a little glitch in things like this. Unless by chance there is more to it all such as several situations where you might overreact & are thinking he may be growing tired of it.

 

I would have apologized within the voice mail & just asked him to call me back.

 

You did leave one just saying to call you back it seems, so if I have a very good friend or semi-boyfriend & I ask them to call me back, I'd naturally expect they would. I guess he should call you back some time today.

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XxJustMexX- well I called him a couple hours after the first call on friday night and he still didnt answer. He called me on saturday morning saying he was somewhere with noise doing some stuff on friday and he couldnt answer when I called him. So I guess everything is ok and if he was angry he isnt anymore.

 

 

Maya_A- I really try not to assume about these things but sometimes I cant help it. These kinds of situations have happened before, he made plans with me and had to cancel, this would have been the first time in months that we went out. I did not apologize, I was going to but I decided to just leave it as is. I would have paid for the ticket with no problem, when he asked me to go with him I did not expect him to pay for the ticket but after he brought it up and made such a big deal out of it I assumed that he was just looking for an excuse to cancel.

 

The fact that we havent done anything together for the last couple of months tells me that anything with him would be a waste of time.

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