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How to deal with this?


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Today, one of my fellow co-workers asked me if I could give her a ride a few blocks down from work so she could catch a bus. She knows I go that way to go to the expressway. It isn't like going out of my way. She also asked me if she could get a ride with me like most days, since I go that way to go home

 

I don't know how to deal with this. I really don't like the responsibility of feeling like I "have" to give this person a ride, even though it is not out of my way.

 

I also don't leave at a set time. Although my hours are usually till 4 PM, a lot of times, I will cut out early (15 minutes to half hour). Since I don't punch a time clock, it doesn't matter. My co-worker, on the other hand, DOES punch a time clock (support staff), so I would have to wait around till 4 PM when she leaves.

 

I told her I could do it on some occasions but not all the time. I am not sure if she would hold that against me or not. I don't want to make enemies at work.

 

Am I in the wrong for NOT wanting to give her rides even though it is only a few blocks and on my way to the expressway?

 

I like leaving when I want to, and also I don't like people riding with me. Hence why I would NEVER carpool.

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I would have said that on days when you are leaving around the same time you would offer her the ride.

 

So on days that you do leave prior, let her know that you are leaving. I know it will probably feel like a pain to go out of your way to let her know...but you're doing her a favour, and it should be on your terms. You shouldn't have to wait an extra 30 minutes to drop her off down the street.

 

So just let her know when you can, or cannot do it and set it up on your terms, when its convenient for you.

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Asti, I pretty much left it open-ended. I told her I could do it on some days, but it would depend. It coudn't be an every-day thing, also because I just don't like being "committed" to giving someone a ride, even 3 blocks down. Yeah, I know.

 

I am that much of a loner.

 

I am afraid of having "bad blood" between us.

 

Asti, if you were in my shoes, would you give the co-worker a ride or shy away from committing to it.

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Well I used to go out of my way to give a coworker a ride, a few blocks out of my way anyway. She didn't like that I went on my terms and eventually got a car of her own, I made her late for work once whereas I was on time (we worked at the same place but she had to walk further to her punch in area than I did). This was many years ago. Anyway I don't think it's too much for you to give her rides when you can, even if you don't like to do it. I mean kindness matters. And you've already made it clear you won't be able to everyday, so she should understand.

 

Really I think your being kind of a jerk about it. I've done it for someone myself.

 

Jetta

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Man, that's odd to me. For the longest time I didn't have a car, but it didn't really cross my mind - except on rare occasions - to ask someone else for rides. Sometimes they'd offer, but that was their call.

 

I don't think you are being unreasonable. She asked, she got an answer.

 

To walk a few blocks or else make other arrangements, well doesn't sound so bad.

 

When it's a matter of safety, then I might think well if I don't want to do this, I'll offer anyways, cause I just wouldn't want to think someone was wandering around and something happens to them and I could have given them a ride.

 

I really wouldn't worry about it. On the other hand, you might make a bud out of the deal.

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I gave a co-worker a ride several times a week, and it wasn't even in the direction I was going.

In fact, I had to drive the other direction, and double back to go my way.

It wasn't an everyday thing, maybe once or twice a week, and he would only speak up if we were leaving at the same time.

 

But he was a close co-worker, and I could have easily said no, and he dropped me a $20 bill at the end of the months for gas..so hey! I wasn't complaining.

 

But in your situation, if I was leaving and she was leaving, and I was driving past where she was headed, then yes I would. I did it for another job and co-worker. I drove right past her house, it seemed foolish for me to make her take the bus and take 45 minutes to get home, when I could have her home in 15 minutes when we were working the same shift [which was maybe three times a month].

 

If you're not comfortable, then do it when you feel like it.

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Well I used to go out of my way to give a coworker a ride, a few blocks out of my way anyway. She didn't like that I went on my terms and eventually got a car of her own, I made her late for work once whereas I was on time (we worked at the same place but she had to walk further to her punch in area than I did). This was many years ago. Anyway I don't think it's too much for you to give her rides when you can, even if you don't like to do it. I mean kindness matters. And you've already made it clear you won't be able to everyday, so she should understand.

 

Really I think your being kind of a jerk about it. I've done it for someone myself.

 

Jetta

 

Jetta, BTW, I am a kind person. I give her assistance at work whenever I can, because she sits close to me.

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Ren, acts of kindness make the world go round. In the grand scheme of life, having to wait an extra 15 minutes after you're done work to drive this girl a few blocks is no time at all. Imagine having to bus for that long after a long workday... how grateful would you be if you had someone willing to help cut your bus ride by 45 minutes? Pretty grateful I bet. I know you're a nice person, but I think in this case you are so far into your own head that you're coming accross as being very selfish in this scenario.

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Tough one.

I'd subtly let her know. Lol, but then again I'm also a bit of a coward in these situations.

 

For instance I'd just tell her I have to leave early to get to my mom, or LA. Whichever. Maybe other errands.

 

I know it sounds selfish.. but there's just days when you really want to get the heck outta work early or have other things to do.

 

Redrose is right though. It could mean alot to her that you help her, but only ocassionally when you have the time.

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If it was raining or she had some sort of injury that made walking difficult or she wasn't feeling well, I could see asking for a ride.

 

Otherwise, I think she's got some nerve asking for an on-going favor.

 

I agree. It's not like she's your friend, right? Or even an acquaintance? Just some random coworker? I would've told her to buzz off, quite frankly (well, in nicer terms lol). She's a weirdo for even asking.

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I work in close proximity with her and, in a way, if I want to be on good terms with most of the people at work, it would be in my best interest to stay on good terms with her.

 

But then I dont want to be a doormat either.

 

I already help her out at work whenever I can with tasks that have nothing to do with my job (but I help her because I am not busy a lot of times).

 

I hate being put upon. I also hate giving rides to people, not because I am not kind and caring, but because once work is done, I want to be out the door and alone by myself.

 

But she is only asking for a ride down a few blocks and I am heading that way towards the expressway. Ugh.

 

Technically, I should work till 4 PM, but since I don't clock in or out, a lot of times, I won't stay until that time, esp when work is very sparing right now.

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the fact she doesnt have her own car isnt your cross to bear. dont feel guilty. leave when you leave and if it doesnt work for her then thats her problem. She was born with legs, she can walk a few measley blocks.

if you just plain dont want to give her a ride then DONT. i'm kinda glad to see you are thinking at least somewhat selfishly instead of trying to be everyones doormat.

 

stick to your guns.

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On one hand, you find a calling to support someone you call a friend, otherwise, you find your own privacy and freedoms coming under fire.

 

One thing I would do immediately is alter the way I've perceived said "friendship" and make sure that all parties involved have a more realistic view of the expectations here. You tell yourself that this is a "fellow" co-worker. It's obvious that the word "fellow" denotes "friendship." If this person is a friend, then why would you NOT give her a ride? Right?

 

To that end, re-adjust your view about this person and explain that she will have a ride as long as she provides you with the following:

- 20% markup on all transportation fees including gas expenses and radio station selection (quadruple penalties apply to the days country music is selected).

- "Starbucks-Per-Trip": With this plan, she is responsible for the purchase of 1 cup of coffee for you of size "venti" with classic sweetener and a dash of whole milk to-and-fro per each trip she accompanies you in. Due to the first policy clause above, this would also include a free biscotti.

- All stops along the way (i.e.- if she requires groceries, etc.) would entail a 50% convenience penalty and well-being markup fee.

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Waiting around an extra 15 minutes CAN be a big deal if you're tired or have errands to do... and 15 minutes a day is an extra 1 1/4 hour a week that could have been spent doing something else...

 

Plus, leaving later can put you into worse traffic. So i don't think you should feel obligated AT ALL to give her a ride. In fact, she is expecting you to give up 1.25 hours a week and your own convenience in order for her not to walk a few blocks.

 

So i think you should leave it as is... if you're leaving at the same time and it's convenient, you'll give her a ride. But if you are leaving early or have errands to run, then you won't. Why should you take the inconvenience so that she gets more convenience? I don't get people saying you are 'selfish' to turn her down, when she is being selfish to expect you to stick around for her when she could easily walk a few blocks (and it would be good for her health too).

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Right now I've left it open-ended. I can do it when I can. She knows I leave early at times (like today). I left early because a lot of people left early and since the people I need to work with on one of my projects were gone, I left early.

 

I did ask her if she wanted me to wait around (only because yesterday I did put out the offer to take her home). She was like "no, don't worry about it".

 

There is a reason why I don't carpool with people nor like to give rides to people on a consistent basis EVEN when it's on my way. I don't like to feel obligated, just like I rarely ask people for rides and stuff, mainly because I don't like to bother other people.

 

Next week, if she needs a ride, she is welcome to ask me and I will see. I think she is disappointed I can't help her, but I know it would stress our working relationship in the long run.

 

That's just me.

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You are doing her a favor, you aren't obligated to do anything. Just tell her that you can't commit to every single day, but if your schedules match up you'll be willing to give her a ride. If it works for you maybe just tell her to pass by your area at work when she's ready to go and see if you are still there, if you are then you'll give her a ride, otherwise she needs to find another way.

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