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He hasn't called, I'm moving to his city, and his bday is next week...I need advice!


purtygalohio
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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Well, I am in the process of moving from Ohio to Arizona. Back in April I met up with a guy I knew who also moved back to AZ to be with family. After a few days we totally hit it off! I have not slept with this man, yet we have fooled around and spend alot of time together. He says I am his best friend and he's nomally not like that with people. I met his whole family and all of his friends...sometimes I was the only girl around. However I sensed some hesitation from him b/c of the distance and of the uncertainty of my moving at that time. After that trip we kept in touch and I went out again 8 weeks later and spent every day together again, even with his family. I still wasn't sure yet on moving as I was interviewing for job and didn't have an answer yet, so I could sense he was still guarded, but we enjoyed each other's company and fooled around just a little bit. A week after that trip I realized that I was really going to be moving and I called to tell him. He became more communicative, texting and calling...then he suggested I add his 5 best guy friends and his dad as my friend on facebook! As I was looking at my guy's profile, I noticed that he had deleted the only 2 pictures of us alone that made it look like we were an item, but left me in any group pics and one pic of him and his nieces. Basically, he cleaned up his profile to look more single. I know I'm not his gf, but taking down pics like that is what people do when things are over! And I was just out there the week before and we hung out and fooled around, etc, so I was really hurt that he suddenly took the pics down. So I texted him and said I noticed some pics were down and asked if I had done something. It took a whole day for his reply and he just said "what pics? I don't know what you mean?" (He only took them down 7 days earlier btw.) I said it seemed like he didn't want it to appear I am anyone special by removing those pics and that it just hurt my feelings. So we went back and forth on text briefly and he just said he was cleaning up his albums and it was weird talking about this and said "sorry you're offended" to which I didn't reply...I just dropped it. I was really expecting a more honest answer like, "I was having doubts, or I didn't think you were moving here, or I want to keep things casual." Instead he denied it and tried to make it look like I was overanalyzing. Well, that was 2 weeks ago and he hasn't tried to contact me since. We've never gone this long without any communication! And now I am moving there in 3 weeks! And on top of that, next week is his birthday, and I am not sure if I should even wish him a happy birthday or not....I mean, maybe he doesn't even want to hear from me?! I feel really bad and it's even worse b/c now he's gone cold and I can't talk to him about it. I miss him. I feel like I lost not only a relatinoship potential, but also a friend. Do you think I will ever hear from him? Also, should I wish him happy bday or not (either via facebook or text or not at all)? I guess if I ever see him I would act like normal and just have fun and be myself, but I'm not even sure if I will ever see him....I feel like the longer I don't hear from him, the more the probability dimishes that I ever will. I just can't believe that my inquiring about those pics has caused this. What should I do?

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Oh, and I totally forgot. After the texting about the pictures, I realized a few days later that he had deleted those pics just ONE day before I told him I was moving there, so I can totally understand now why he may have done that. I just wish he would have told me that. So now I am moving there, the pics are gone, and now so apparently is anything between us!

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Perhaps you rushed to moving down there too fast. Did you two have an aggreement that you're going to be together when you move down there?

 

It kind of sounds like you guys haven't communicated your thoughts as well as you could have. When expectations are set, it's important to carry them out (things just work smoother when that happens) but how can either of you carry out expectations when you haven't even made it clear with each other.

 

You guys gotta talk about this and figure it out. You need to understand what he wants, and he needs to understand what you want. ..and if you can't, should you really be moving down there?

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Well, I do think it was a bit over-analyze-y to ask about the pictures. Texts can seem a lot more confrontational/accusational than they are sometimes. Maybe he was just cleaning up some albums ...I don't know.

If you wanted to pick things back up, I'd call rather than text and let him know you're now living in (city) and would love to take him out for a drink for his bday if he's up for it.

Guys get scared off pretty easily, even after fooling around, family events, etc. He probably didn't feel like he should have to answer to you about his facebook pictures at that point in your budding relationship. That would be my guess, although of course I actually have no idea why he would stop contacting.

Let us know what happens!!

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Hmm... sounds like there are definitely some mixed signals here. I think in general it's not a good idea to text message about that kind of stuff, but I totally understand why you did it- just sometimes it leaves you feeling more unsettled because you don't know if the text got through or whatever or how it is interpreted.

I think you may want to call him, figure out of course... what it is you are hoping from him and where you want things to go between you, and tell him. Ask him what he wants?

 

I agree- it is a little bit strange he took the photos down and that he seems cold after you asked about it- and the distance and all, doesn't sound good........ but the only way you can really know is to ask, and I think you two have enough history to warrant at least a conversation about it!

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I am moving there for me, not for him. My plan to move there was in the works before he was in the picture. But next thing you know we were hitting it off!

 

We hadn't estabilshed any exclusivity, but I think the intention for us to really date and be together was there if I were to relocate or else he wouldn't have invited me into his family, become friends with all of his friends, etc.

 

I thought he took down those pics b/c he didn't want to be with me or had a change of heart, but then I realized he did it before he knew I was moving as he may have been losing hope. Maybe he fells like i backed him into a corner by asking about those pics and what that meant.

 

I feel like I can't contact him b/c he would contact me if he were really interested or really wanted me, right? I mean, I don't want to force myself on someone that may not really want me. I'm confused.

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If he reacts like this to your question about the pics, imagine what would be in store for you if you and he were to be in a relationship. I don't think it's a good sign that he reacts like that. It could happen again and again, every time you 'displease him', and he'd leave you guessing and fretting, not knowing if you've be ever seeing him again. I think you're better off not starting anything with him. Certainly don't try to appease him now. He's been rude ignoring you. Don't let yourself in for that kind of treatment.

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