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Cheating Spouse? & Keyloggers


Just-A-Dude

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God I am such a wreck. I have been married for 12 years and have 2 children with the love of my life. I thought we were happy, yet I guess I could see that we had been a little distant in the recent past. I don’t know what to say. My contract went away a few months ago, so money has been really right recently, and I realize that element adds a bit of stress to our lives. I thought that was it. Well, as of recent, my wife has been acting different. Just strange… odd little things and little differences in her conversation and things like that. A couple of times I have walked by when she was on her laptop and noticed her quickly clicking away a window. On one occasion a couple nights ago, I saw she had a Facebook profile (but she immediately clicked away). Well I searched her two known email addresses, and she wasn’t even slick enough to use a different one to create the damn account with. Being concerned, I visited her page (which today has many hidden details that were visible before) and saw a couple of names on her friends list that concern me. Now that my head is spinning around this, I have also noticed her being a bit odd with her cell phone recently… keeping it hidden.

 

God I realize I’m typing sporadically right now. Just hard to collect my thoughts and I want to make sure my position is clear. I believe I have just cause to be weary of her recent activity, especially in lieu of her Facebook page. My question is this: I have heard of keyloggers before (in case you don’t know, it is a software program that supposedly logs all activity on a given computer). Has anyone had first hand experience with one that works well and is in fact undetectable? How about cheap/free? I want to pop in and check things out. I want nothing more then to walk away from this scenario feeling like an insecure idiot who ultimately had no just cause to be suspicious, but I absolutely need that piece of mind. If these keyloggers work, I would like to give one a shot.

 

=/

 

David

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I think talking to her sounds good too. Maybe she is just feeling ignored or not close to you or something and is just on the internet more. You don't want to destroy trust over that.

Try and talk and spend some time with her, if she's backing off and refusing to talk after doing that for a while then maybe there's a problem.

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Keyloggers work, but the second you step up with that she will become incredibly offended that your were spying rather tahn talking and GAME OVER. Talk first.

 

As far as detection, depends on if she is more computer savy then you. I coulda done all this on exes machines, I am in IT security. But I just thought it was wrong

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If she's hiding the phone along with hiding her conversations on Facebook, I think you have a problem. You know this woman. Best thing you can do is get out and do things with her, keep her busy with you. Start dating her again. It could be too late, but maybe not. You don't have to do things that cost money, just take her out walking in the park or anything to get connected again.

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Being someone who has spoken to someone about suspicion about cheating, DO NOT voice it. I repeat, do not approach the subject with her.

 

Only two outcomes will appear. One, if she is indeed cheating, she will lie and cover her tracks better. Two, if she is not cheating, she will feel that you don't trust her. These are both very negative outcomes.

 

Speaking from experience, I have noticed odd behavior from my most recent ex regarding his ex-gf. Being the trusting girlfriend I was, I approached the subject on his communication level with his ex. He lied and said it was weekly. Again and again, being uncomfortable about his close contact with his ex-gf, whenever I felt uneasy, I would ask, and he would "comfort" me by lying, saying they're just friends, whatever to get me less suspicious of him.

 

Finally, I noticed a few months into the relationship that he has put a code lock on his cellphone, which he has not done prior, and is probably due to my rising suspicions. One night I caved and looked through his open email account on his computer. I found daily chat logs regarding his unfaithfulness to me with his ex - the entire time we were together. Now armed with sufficient evidence, for the last time I asked him about his relationship with her, and he finally told me the truth.

 

Let me say that the truth will have never come out were it not for the evidence you yourself can bring to the table. If it is just your word against hers, you have no proof that she is lying or being unfaithful to you. Although my experience is the worst case scenario, I am speaking solely because it is normal to do anything to defend your heart against the worst, and I'm looking out for other innocent parties who have put in blind faith in their partners.

 

I do not condone a little private investigation, but if you are putting your heart on the line and have reasonable suspicions, then I do not see why not, especially in my case where my ex would have never told me the truth, despite talking to him about the subject.

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If she's hiding the phone along with hiding her conversations on Facebook, I think you have a problem. You know this woman. Best thing you can do is get out and do things with her, keep her busy with you. Start dating her again. It could be too late, but maybe not. You don't have to do things that cost money, just take her out walking in the park or anything to get connected again.

 

I like this idea. You dont even have to leave home really, just do some spontaneous things with her, like make cookies together or put on some music. Most every couple has a song, put in on and dance with her and tell her she is beautiful. Help her to remember why you feel in love with each other.

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If you let yourself think snooping is OK or try to justify it, I'm sorry, but that's not healthy and is a mighty big slippery slope. The ends might justify the means if you find evidence that your partner is actually cheating on you, but what if you come up empty? Who winds up being the deceitful one in the relationship then?

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i dont think he has to confront her with the suspiscion of cheating. he can just talk to her casually and ask if she's happy in the relationship (or base it on something that's happened recently?) or if she feels like they talk enough. or ask if there's anything he can do to make her happier. he can also validate how she's the love of his life (guys I know don't just throw that term around).

 

he can talk to her without it looking like he's suspicious or checking up on her.

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The post before give good advice. JMO, you have suspicions, you know this woman better than anyone else in here on this board. Try to do things with her and see what her reactions are. If she opens up, then you know things are on the up and up. If she shuts you down, sorry, that means you need to move to defcon 3. I hear when everyone says that snooping isn't good, but the bottom line is that her behavior is suspicious, one doesn't do that to a spouse that you communicate with.

 

Before you break out the keyloggers, try to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's a real shame that you even have to think like this and I doubt I am the only one who prays that you are wrong. The truth of the matter, many peope before you have posted about behavior such as this and where proven right, so I cannot completely discount your gut feelings.

 

Before you come in with guns blazing, be up front and talk to her about what you have seen. Yes she may go underground with it, or she may stop completely. Heck, she may be even trying to get you an extra special present, only you are in the position to find out.

 

Good luck

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Before you break out the keyloggers, try to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's a real shame that you even have to think like this and I doubt I am the only one who prays that you are wrong. The truth of the matter, many peope before you have posted about behavior such as this and where proven right, so I cannot completely discount your gut feelings.

 

Before you come in with guns blazing, be up front and talk to her about what you have seen. Yes she may go underground with it, or she may stop completely. Heck, she may be even trying to get you an extra special present, only you are in the position to find out.

 

Good luck

 

I had to reply to this as it happened to me.

 

My husband and I are always stressed financially but that doesn't mean that I don't try to get him something special every now and then.

 

I was trying to buy him a present online and was also looking on ebay for it so I had them send me texts to my phone about the listings I was watching.

My husband noticed that I was clicking away from pages quickly when he would come up to me unexpectedly.

 

He then checked my Myspace account and then confronted me about "certain" guy friends I had on there (though he has a lot of girls as friends on his Myspace from way back in high school and co workers, etc but it doesn't bother me because I trust him).

I felt kind of hurt by his confrontation and though he didn't outright say "are you cheating" he didn't have to. It really hurt me that he would think I would do something like that. Let alone how disrespected I felt that I had to explain EVERY guy friend in detail to him that I had on my friend list...

 

What was supposed to be a great surprise for him (WWE Tickets) was not as I was hurt and angry and told him and showed him what I was planning for him. I didn't get the present for him after that.

 

So yes, give your wife a benefit of a doubt. Just talk to her casually and not do what my husband did. If she continues this behavior for a long period of time then I would think of "snooping". BUT not before talking to her.

 

I also like the idea posted by Miss Firecracker about doing more things together. When couples are stressed it does put pressure on a relationship/marriage, so this is a good thing to start doing to ease that stress up a little.

 

Hope all goes well for you

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Talk to her. My ex crashed my computer trying to get info while we were going through the divorce. Not his best idea cause it pissed me off and all hell broke loose.

Been divorced for over a year and he then accused me of sleeping with basically everyone when the truth was I hadn't. He drew his own conclusions about my relationships..which were totally wrong. TALK to her.

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Just ask her.

 

Would you like it if she was spying on things you did?

 

It shouldn't matter who is on her facebook page. My partner doesn't care! He trusts me, he doesn't worry about who is on my facebook, or who I'm talking to on the phone, or what sites I'm looking at.

 

When ever I look at this site, and he peaks. I normally click the shrink button. As I don't really want him to read what I'm writing. He's always trusting about it.

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Talk to your wife. Open your heart to you woman. Its ok to share feelings with people but she should be comfortable to talk to you. Why is she not? What is happeneing to stop her coming to you? What is missing oin your relationship?Can it be mended.Do it for yourselves..for your chidren for those good memories and for that girl you took to church and got married to.

Find out what is going on and work at it..

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Trust your gut on this one. Do not bring up your concerns about possible cheating. Do talk to her about the distance between you both and how concerend you are about it. Give her a chance to express herself without feeling like she has to defend herself.

 

In my opinion this is something to be very concerend about. Keep your eyes and ears open. I can PM you a link for a site that will have everything you would possibly need to seek the truth.

 

Lost

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Trust your gut on this one. Do not bring up your concerns about possible cheating. Do talk to her about the distance between you both and how concerend you are about it. Give her a chance to express herself without feeling like she has to defend herself.

 

In my opinion this is something to be very concerend about. Keep your eyes and ears open. I can PM you a link for a site that will have everything you would possibly need to seek the truth.

 

Lost

 

I agree. and I'm sorry, but I think confronting a spouse about cheating without solid evidence is a terrible idea. In most cases, they will not admit to it. Talk to her about the relationship, but keep your suspicions to yourself for now and quietly observe.

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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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