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Does anyone know how to tell if hes intrested?


Hope-VS-Loss

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I seem to have gotten myself into a bit of a position. And would like a bit of advice to help try and get my head around things.

 

So heres about the size of it.... I've seen this guy around for some time, I have known him through one of the functions we both attend, and for the first two functions I didnt see him the way I did that all changed at the last function where he sat at my table and helped me out with a few of the things I was attempting to do because I was confused....

 

After the last function I found that I was thinking about him more and more, a part of me wanting to get to know him more but not sure how to go about it...

I'll admit I asked around some of the other people that knew him trying to find out what I could, Lucky for me I'd managed to get my hands on his msn, he came on late one night and I spent early hours of the morning talking to him....

 

It was at the point I couldnt stay awake any longer that I asked him if he would like to meet for lunch...He agreed, and as nervous as I was, I did meet him for lunch (the friend he brought along must have realised something in me and made an excuse to go elsewhere leaving me with a chance to talk to him)

Come the end of his lunch, goodbyes were said and he left with a smile on his face....

 

The more I got to know him the more I liked, the more i found I had in common with him i felt attraction growing for him, as well as fear that I might be the only one.

None the less, when he had a function at his house I jumped at the chance, made sure to set myself up near him so I could talk to him while everything was going on, yes there was other people, and I was social as shy as I felt....

too me it felt like he took extra time and notice of what I was doing and if I needed help installing things, shared some of the anime that he enjoys watching knowing I too enjoy anime, and made sure that I got my hands on some of it too watch....

 

for the next week after that I backed right off, in fear that I had come on to strong....

And too my surprise.....after a week he came on msn....told me he had been incredibly busy with a heavy workload of study....The converstion over msn went as smoothly as it ever had....and the fears coming on to strong melted away....

 

A couple of conversations were had, a couple of texts were passed back and forth, then came the night where he was talking about going to the movies.... and the next thing I know, hes asking me if I would like to go. I was so shocked, I couldnt believe it, but at the same time didnt know if I should get too excited or not....because there was no mention of it being a date....None the less, when the day for the movies came around I was so nervous my heart was in my throat, I'd been up and ready since 7am for the movie at 10.30....

 

He seemed a little surprised when I came out of no where and handed him the movie ticket....He was pleasently shocked and surprised that I had brought him the ticket and asked if I wanted anything to eat....I said that I would be alright and he went off to go and get some....Once in the movies I realised that he had gotten more than just what he'd get for himself and began to wave the popcorn under my nose, and open the bag of lollies next to me (I dont know how he knew it, but he picked one of my favorite types to buy) I asked him about how he knew it was my favorite, he said it was a guess.

 

sitting in that dark movies watching the movie somewhat distracted I couldnt stop thinking about what could happen, leaving everything open to chance... resting my hand on the center block seeing if anything would happen wanting to try something myself. tempted to grab his hand but to fearful of rejection to even attempt it...he whispered to me about parts of the movie sometimes just to let me know things or to make a joke out of things, I could see the grin on his face even though it was dark.... I saw at one point he put his hands together and streached out forward, I thought then for sure that something might happen (the old stretch and slide arm behind trick) but he paused and folded his arms again. I went back to watching the movie...He made comment after a very shocking bit asking if I had gotten a fright....Embarrassed I admitted that I had...

 

I made mention to him that the local anime and moddleing store has a anime night every second thursday during the movie also, to which he replied that we should go.....

 

Come the end of the movie.... I held back the temptation to try something in the middle of the dark in fear of over stepping or pushing him away and just followed him out, he said that we should meet up again sometime....That he had to go off and study now, and I'd do better to head back to the bus depo from there so I wouldnt get too wet considering it was about to rain.... He told me he would be on msn later to talk and we parted ways.

 

Either I'm reading into things to deeply.....Getting my hopes up over nothing but a forming friendship, or theres something there, I just cant gather for myself.....I dont know the signs I should be looking out for.....I wish I could understand you gentlemen better.

 

Advice please, any? thoughts.

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The quick answer is that I'm not sure as to his feelings either way. You fallen for him, and he's been nice to you. You went out for one "date" he may have been hesitant because he either didn't want to lead you on, or he was unsure how you'd handle it.

 

Give him time. If he's interested in you, he'll show it. My advice would be that unless you know for certain that he has interest in you, DO NOT wear your emotions on your sleeve (i.e. make it obvious). You don't deserve to have your emotions played with.

 

See how receptive he is to you hanging out. Invite him to do stuff, just have fun.

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The quick answer is that I'm not sure as to his feelings either way. You fallen for him, and he's been nice to you. You went out for one "date" he may have been hesitant because he either didn't want to lead you on, or he was unsure how you'd handle it.

 

Give him time. If he's interested in you, he'll show it. My advice would be that unless you know for certain that he has interest in you, DO NOT wear your emotions on your sleeve (i.e. make it obvious). You don't deserve to have your emotions played with.

 

See how receptive he is to you hanging out. Invite him to do stuff, just have fun.

I didnt want to admit to myself that I'd begun to fall for him, brushing it off as a forming crush maybe. I've worn my heart on my sleave enough times to know that its not worth it, hence the reason I held back everything waiting to see what happends....I'm just confused about how hes feeling, and its not exactly something you can just as someone out right without frightening them off. I mentioned the thursday night anime in the hopes he would be intrested in going as another chance to go out and about and get to know him better...Hopefully that helps things along...

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I didnt want to admit to myself that I'd begun to fall for him, brushing it off as a forming crush maybe. I've worn my heart on my sleave enough times to know that its not worth it, hence the reason I held back everything waiting to see what happends....I'm just confused about how hes feeling, and its not exactly something you can just as someone out right without frightening them off. I mentioned the thursday night anime in the hopes he would be intrested in going as another chance to go out and about and get to know him better...Hopefully that helps things along...

 

You won't know unless you go out with more outings with him. You have fallen for him already. I say this because if you didn't you would not be so concerned yet as to his feelings. It's a good thing you held back because if you moved further, you would have either scared him off, or attracted the wrong attention from him.

 

As to asking whether he has feelings for you, if it's right, you won't scare him off. Unless he's a jerk, he'll be flattered to find out. Whether he likes you back enough is something that will take time. That's why it's important you should go out with him more often. You should get to know him. Once you have done that, things will be easier to figure out.

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He might also not want to come on too strong. You should hang out a few more times before you form any opinions. If he doesn't show interest physically within a reasonable period of time then I would just call it a friendship and leave it at that.

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You won't know unless you go out with more outings with him. You have fallen for him already. I say this because if you didn't you would not be so concerned yet as to his feelings. It's a good thing you held back because if you moved further, you would have either scared him off, or attracted the wrong attention from him.

 

As to asking whether he has feelings for you, if it's right, you won't scare him off. Unless he's a jerk, he'll be flattered to find out. Whether he likes you back enough is something that will take time. That's why it's important you should go out with him more often. You should get to know him. Once you have done that, things will be easier to figure out.

I think your on to something about going out and spending more time with him, its something I do wish to do, just cant seem to think of any things other then the anime night and if he holds another thing over at his place. Coming up with other un-suspicious ideas to hang out does not seem to be coming to me very easily, got any sygestions?

As for my feelings, the more I think about it, the more I can see that your right. And I am concerned of his feelings which is part and parcle why I held off and why I have been keeping my distance when he needs his study.

Hopefully after more time spent around him I'll begin to realise if hes intrested or not, cause right now I'm just so confused the lines are not there thick enough to read between yet I guess you could say.

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He might also not want to come on too strong. You should hang out a few more times before you form any opinions. If he doesn't show interest physically within a reasonable period of time then I would just call it a friendship and leave it at that.

What to you would be reasonable? Keep in mind, I'm no good with these things and dont actually know what would be a reasonable expecting time for such things.

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You need to get to know him as a person. Exchange contact info. Once you talk or hang out more, other ideas will come to mind. You will get to know each other. Trying to get to know more about a guy is an obvious sign for us guys that a woman is interested (he should pick this up). If he still doesn't get it (men aren't always good at picking these things up) keep pressing.

 

Normally the guy is the one that does the wooing. But this is 2009. There's no reason why you should sit idly by waiting for him to come to you. He seems really busy at times so don't be surprised if he can't go if you ask him. If he offers an alternate time, that's a good sign too (i.e. he wants to be with you and he's making an effort to do so).

 

He did ask you out to a movie which means that: a) he knew that you'd go with him (otherwise he wouldn't have bothered - guys avoid rejection like the plague) and that b) possibly he already knows that you're interested in him (I would not be surprised if that were the case). At least you might not have to do the whole speech telling him that you like him

 

Your job is to a) cultivate whatever interest he has for you and b) not scare him away. Unless the guy is a jerk, when we say something, we usually mean it (even if its for that moment). There isn't that much mystique as to us guys.

 

If you want ideas, try to find out what sports is he into (if any) or music. What does he like to do outside of anime? You could think of even neutral things where you could hang out like food festivals, dancing, and other summer events. But again, that's where getting to know him will pay off - you could figure out where he'd be interested to go. If he repeatedly says no, then you would have to move on. Creativity is your best friend when you are not sure.

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[First and formostly. thank you for sitting down and typeing that out, I appreacite the advice youre giveing me...]

I agree with you whole heartly when you say I need to get to know him better, like I said I didnt really get a chance to get to know him properly until the last function that happened. The more I get to know him more easier it will be for things to flow smoothly. As for doing what I can to get to know him, theres only a slight worry when it comes to that. And I guess I'm just thinking to much when i say this....But is it not the case that guys sometimes dont like when girls try to find out what they can about a guy and spend too much time around them? I guess on the up side im doing my best to give him the time and space he needs what with him being busy with study and all, and your right he has said no one afternoon when he was to busy, I didnt let it sway me because I know study is important. As for keeping on pushing, theres a fine line there I think...I'm sure there some kind of techniques that girls might use to get him to realise, I'm just still unaware of them hehe. Spent all my years hanging around guys you would think I would know these things.

 

Your right, he did ask me to the movies, so he may be starting to cotten on to the fact that I like him, maybe the guy that came to lunch that day then dissapeared had a word with him and made him see something, I'm really not sure what could have made him start to see, even if he has. if I could spare myself the "I like you" speach, I would be happy because that usually goes horribly wrong to be honest. And just like guys, girls are one to avoid rejection like the plauge.

 

Alright, im going to have to sit down and think about all the things I have learned so far and find out different things that can be used to help build things, and the more time I spend around him the more I will learn, I think thats a good idea about the events around the city I could ask him too, I should look into whats happening around here at the moment, theres always something going on, as for his sports, as far as I know hes not the sporting type, I could be wrong, but from what ive gathered hes more of a computing, study, gameing, anime sort of guy....Welll from what I have learned so far, just skimming the surface I guess. Creativity will help me here.

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The "speech" only ends in disaster if you are completely unsure as to his feelings. If you spend more time with him and get to know him, you could figure that out without having to go through it

 

You'll be fine, just talk to him more. Use e-mail, texting, phone, whatever you may have. That way you'd have more than one way to reach each other when things get busy. You may be surprised as to what you learn. take your time. Even if he is into just those things that you mentioned there are activities with them.

 

Also once he gets to know you as well, try to get him to do something you'd like to do (but make sure that it's not something he hates). You may open his eyes as to something he never thought of doing before. Even better, you may have another thing to link the two of you together. You want to make sure that it is even-handed (that it doesn't seem like you're "hanging" on him) otherwise he'll take advantage of you.

 

It is true that guys usually don't like it when women are "trying to get into their business". Getting to know him doesn't mean peppering him with questions as to his likes and dislikes. Just finding out how his day was and and stuff would do just fine. You could slip a question or two in there as well. It takes time. You have to be a little slick at times.

 

Yes, creativity works. It is your best friend.

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What to you would be reasonable? Keep in mind, I'm no good with these things and dont actually know what would be a reasonable expecting time for such things.

 

Everyone has their own idea of what a reasonable amount of time is. For me it would be about 3 to 5 dates, depending on how into the person I was.

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