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Girls, I need your help on this one.


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Hey everyone, I have a question for the girls out there on what they think of this situation (from a girl's point of view)

 

 

I just broke up with my ex gf of 2-2.5 years (it was on and off), we were each others' first loves, first bf/gf. The reason we were on and off was because the first time, she needed space, and the other several times, I was uncomfortable with her guy friend (who she met the first time we broke up) always trying to flirt with her, as im sure anyone would be uncomfortable. So those times that I did break up with her, I would hold no contact for about a month, and then break and try to get her back. So this last time we broke up, (its been a little over a month), I broke up with her because she told me she would limit her contact with him (since it made me uncomfortable that the guy was trying to flirt with her). I asked her to cut contact at first because something just seemed weird about how she even brought him up on valentines day! but she said that she wouldnt cut contact with him because it wasnt fair and that she wouldnt make me do that..so we agreed on limiting contact. I soon found out that she just went behind my back and did the same stuff, basically, talking more and more, just behind my back, and lying to me by saying everything was being "limited." So I felt like she kept lying to keep this guy around, so I broke up with her.

 

During the first 2 weeks, she would drive around where I live, lie to my friends to make me seem like a bad person, lie to her own friends to make it seem like I was the bad guy. One day she texted me asking to talk and I pretty much told her that I didn't want to deal with that other guy anymore, I couldnt be in a relationship where I felt like I had to compete for my own gf. And she never responded to it.

 

A few days later I find out that she went to dinner with him, and he tried to make moves on her, but I guess she just ignored it all. I was pissed off that she could do something like this, given that I broke up with her because I was uncomfortable with the guy in the first place, almost seems like she could care less about the relationship. So I called her and told her to stay the * * * * out of my life.

 

Her birthday came around, I didnt call her, and her friend put up pictures of her birthday, with the guy being there (and I guess she did this because I didnt call on her bday).. Then my birthday came around 2 weeks later, and she didnt call.

 

From a girl's perspective, what is going on? How did she tell me she loved me.. but then goes and does this stuff

 

 

I know there is better out there, but for some reason I dont see why she has yet to apologize, show remorse, try to even fight for the relationship? She just went cold turkey all of a sudden., but then again, so have I for the past 6 weeks

 

Her friends were expecting me to come back apologizing.. i guess from all the bull * * * * and lies she fed them.

 

Also, what do you this is the best thing to do in terms of healing from something like this? I'm having somewhat of a hard time moving on because I feel like she thinks she's too good for fight for the relationship or something. I think more than anything, I just want her to come crawling back and me to say "sorry, I dont want to be with you anymore"

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I just broke up with my ex gf of 2-2.5 years

 

This is what happened.

 

Are you asking why she isnt begging to have you back and apologising? Well because she doesn't want the relationship back on the terms you are willing to accept. She's not going to cut that guy out of her life.

 

You broke up with her. She's not obligated to beg for you back. And her having dinner with some guy after her boyfriend has broken up with her is not a moral crime.

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This is what happened.

 

Are you asking why she isnt begging to have you back and apologising? Well because she doesn't want the relationship back on the terms you are willing to accept. She's not going to cut that guy out of her life.

 

You broke up with her. She's not obligated to beg for you back. And her having dinner with some guy after her boyfriend has broken up with her is not a moral crime.

 

 

I'm sure its not.. but who would be comfortable with another guy flirting with their gf right?

 

And why would she go behing my back and lie to me.. if she knew I was uncomfortable with him flirting with her. When it came down to an argument, she would always defend him over our relationship

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Otherwise its hard to tell if you are being unreasonable or if she is being unfair.

 

How do you know she didn't "limit" contact? Do you know that for sure?

 

What was he doing in the first place that made you feel insecure? How was she responding to those things?

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True - can you give some specific examples though?

 

He would send her text msgs saying "love you" , basically talking about what they did everyday and whatnot, Although that was a part of it, the biggest reason I broke up with her was because she lied to me..

 

and who wants to hear about another guy on Valentines day!??

 

She said she ignored his flirting.. but she didnt limit the contact, she actually contacted him more and more, just behind my back

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But my gut feeling on this (for whatever a strangers gut feeling on a forum is worth) is that she wasn't feeling sure that you were the right person for her. She suspects this new guy may be. And she's not willing to cut him out in the circumstances.

 

You arent willing to put up with this situation either. So I think you did the right thing in breaking it off.

 

The hard thing you have to do now is let go. With time.. and space.. you will get over her.

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But my gut feeling on this (for whatever a strangers gut feeling on a forum is worth) is that she wasn't feeling sure that you were the right person for her. She suspects this new guy may be. And she's not willing to cut him out in the circumstances.

 

You arent willing to put up with this situation either. So I think you did the right thing in breaking it off.

 

The hard thing you have to do now is let go. With time.. and space.. you will get over her.

 

that may be true, i just cant get over the stuff she said at first.. "please dont tell me you want to end this forever"

 

she basically went crazy for 2 weeks id say, and then just went cold turkey i dont get it

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He would send her text msgs saying "love you" , basically talking about what they did everyday and whatnot, Although that was a part of it, the biggest reason I broke up with her was because she lied to me..

 

and who wants to hear about another guy on Valentines day!??

 

She said she ignored his flirting.. but she didnt limit the contact, she actually contacted him more and more, just behind my back

 

Well that's totally inappropriate. She's not a loyal person, buddy. You need loyalty in a partner .. she's also got no respect for you and your feelings to put you through that and to think she's entitled to put you through that.

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not really sure why you need a girl's point of view on this. You set boundaries (which were flexible) and she stepped over your boundaries, so you ended the relationship. What she then does after you end the relationship is her business. she is entitled to go out for dinner with whoever she wants.

 

It sounds like you both break up and make up as a way to test each other's feelings. Sounds like a toxic relationship

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Well that's totally inappropriate. She's not a loyal person, buddy. You need loyalty in a partner .. she's also got no respect for you and your feelings to put you through that and to think she's entitled to put you through that.

 

 

Im guessing she started arriving at that over the fact that I would always run back after a few weeks?

 

and I dont know if anyone else experiences this.. when partners have an argument, what does it mean if the other person always says "break up then, do what you want" if they dont get their way? selfishness?

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A few days later I find out that she went to dinner with him, and he tried to make moves on her, but I guess she just ignored it all. I was pissed off that she could do something like this, given that I broke up with her because I was uncomfortable with the guy in the first place, almost seems like she could care less about the relationship. So I called her and told her to stay the * * * * out of my life.

 

 

I dont see why she has yet to apologize, show remorse, try to even fight for the relationship?

 

 

How can you be mad at her for this? YOU broke up with her. At this point she doesnt owe you anything and can do whatever she wants, including going out with this guy. Yeah, she might be doing it to make you jealous which is kinda childish. But if thats how she's gonna act, why would you want to be with her. You even said it yourself... she's not fighting for this relationship so obviously it doesnt mean that much to her. And when you call her and tell her that, can you honestly expect her to come crawling back to you and apologize for what she's done?!

 

I dont mean to be harsh, but that's just my opinion.

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that may be true, i just cant get over the stuff she said at first.. "please dont tell me you want to end this forever"

 

she basically went crazy for 2 weeks id say, and then just went cold turkey i dont get it

 

Some people (men and women) have a weird reaction to being dumped. They kick scream and fight hard without really thinking. Then the initial feeling wears off and they realise they don't really care that much.

 

I'm not saying thats definitely what happened here because I don't know her.. but I've had this happen to me before (I was on the receiving end).

 

Self-centred people just have bizare reactions to being dumped. They can't handle it at all and get super emotional/worked up.

 

But it's not about you, you see. It's about them.

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Im guessing she started arriving at that over the fact that I would always run back after a few weeks?

 

and I dont know if anyone else experiences this.. when partners have an argument, what does it mean if the other person always says "break up then, do what you want" if they dont get their way? selfishness?

 

Well yes.. this is an important point. Many (dare I say most) people won't treat you with respect if you don't show respect for yourself.

 

Another lesson I learned through experience!

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How can you be mad at her for this? YOU broke up with her. At this point she doesnt owe you anything and can do whatever she wants, including going out with this guy. Yeah, she might be doing it to make you jealous which is kinda childish. But if thats how she's gonna act, why would you want to be with her. You even said it yourself... she's not fighting for this relationship so obviously it doesnt mean that much to her. And when you call her and tell her that, can you honestly expect her to come crawling back to you and apologize for what she's done?!

 

I dont mean to be harsh, but that's just my opinion.

 

 

Yeah I get that, but coming out of a serious relationship, if I cared the least bit about the relationship and my SO, I wouldn't be going around doing stuff like that.

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I feel like I've created an enemy ; the person I also love , and what should I take from the msg she didnt respond to? should I take that as a "no im not agreeing to that" or "im just gnna wait and see if u come around"

 

She also hasn't fought to stay friends like she usually does

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You essentially gave her an ultimatum. You said, "Me or him." She chose him. Now, you are in the spot where you realize that she has all the power, and she is willing to abuse the power to get what she wants.

 

I know it hurts. Trust me, I do. But you need to recognize that in this case, she really dumped you-- she just made you do the dirty work. It will take some time, but it's probably healthiest for you to start moving on and accept that the relationship is over. Really over... because it's clearly been done for her for a while.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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