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What should I have said?


Amasa
Learn English Via Listening | Begin...
Learn English Via Listening | Beginner Level | Lesson 4. My House

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My 3 y/o is so smart. But I am not at all ready to answer her questions.

 

She just told me-- I don't live at Daddy's house. I said no, you live with mommy. She said Daddy can come live with mommy.

And I said yes he can, but daddy wants to live at Daddy's house.

And she said Daddy wants to come live with mommy and me.

I said she should talk to Daddy about that.

 

I feel like I just gave exactly all the wrong answers, and I feel bad for skirting questions and putting them off on Daddy (who knows what he's gonna say anyway). What should I be telling her?

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I don't have kids.. so don't put much weight on what I have to say.. but whatabout something like this:

 

"Mummy and daddy just get along so much better when they aren't living together. when they live together, they keep fighting about silly things. When they don't live together, they get along really well. But wherever daddy lives, we both still love you with all our hearts and always will."

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indigo777--- they didn't come with instructions so your guess is as good as mine.

 

 

 

It's so hard to know what to say or do when it comes to the kids. Everytime I say anything to her about her daddy, I am so worried that I am permantly scarring her, or I'm secretly making her into a messanger, or I'm over-sharing or showing too much emotion, or making Daddy look bad.

 

The last time we all hung out together (and I'm using that loosely) I fell down at the park w/ the girls and cut my forehead. He came to the park to help me and then we went to lunch. She still brings it up like everyday. I know she's hurt about the situation too, and it's hard to make a 3 y/o who can't really express what she's feeling or understand what i'm saying feel better about it.

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All my children are in their 20's and I am having this same issue. My two eldest daughters are so loving and forgiving, but my youngest daughter was completely pissed off, but now is starting to warm up to me...now my son won't even speak to me. My daughters were raised by my ex husband and we had our girls when we were teenagers, and he has always loved me, and still does according to my youngest daughter, but my son was from the guy after my husband who totally disses me and that is why my son is upset, but I think there is more going on with him than I even know.

 

So my advice is you and your husband try to spend time with your daughter and reassure her of your love for her and that mommy and daddy have problems, and cannot be together, but it has nothing to do with her...as she gets older you can tell her in a more adult method...best thing is just both you give her alot of love and hugs.

 

You don't want to be like me at 44 trying to talk to grown kids about your marriage problems...and why mommy and daddy were not together.

 

Good luck...it will be okay

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The last time we all hung out together (and I'm using that loosely) I fell down at the park w/ the girls and cut my forehead. He came to the park to help me and then we went to lunch. She still brings it up like everyday.

 

That's got to be really hard, Amasa.

 

I think though, that its great that you are as conscious as you are about not making her the messanger and not scarring her. I hear of single parents who don't take that trouble.

 

I hope though, that some day when she's much older, she will understand why things were the way they were and that you both did the best job you could and loved and continue to love her very much.

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