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should i date him?


foolish

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I met this guy who makes me feel like a million bucks every time i see him. We have only been dating eachother for a couple weeks and he is the best thing thats every walked into my life.. He's funny, sweet, and has such a great personality. He thinks the world of me and he just met me two weeks ago!! Well, I just found out from a friend today that he participated in some online porn about two years ago..the biggest problem is...it was gay porn. I called him and freaked out on him for not telling me and he told me that he is sorry for holding it back from me but he wanted me to like him for who he is, not for what he did in the past. I asked him if he was Bisexual and he said no, not at all. He said he wanted to make some money and was pretty messed up on drugs, and just did it. He said he's straight and he really likes me, god i thought he was gonna cry on the phone!! Help!! What the heck am i gonna do? I do have feelings for him, and he definitely likes women..so what do i do? Leave him cuz of his past?

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Wow, this is really a tough call. I certainly agree that you shouldn't really judge him on his past, but you still have to wonder if he's honestly telling you the truth on being bisexual. Maybe you should see how he is and where the relationship may be in the long run. If you honestly feel that you can get over his past, then by all means - do what makes you happy!

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I think you should take his explanation at face value. many guys who take part in male pornography are not gay but are very hard up for cash....his story sounds pheasable and you have just raved how lovely and nice he is to you. Im sure he may have told you eventually, its just not first date convo really is it??..Put it behind you...and see if he continues to meet your expectations as he currently is. Dont hang him for his past we all have one afterall....and his emotional outburst(nearly crying) on the phone is likely to reflect his sincerity and honesty about it all....Go with your gut and it was signaling all good things to date...trust in it...he sounds like a nice person so far..

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If I were him and I liked you, I wouldn't have rushed to tell you this, so I don't think you should feel it's bad he hadn't told you after only two weeks.

 

I'd be more concerned about the drugs. If that, too, is in his past, then give it a go.

 

It's perfectly possible he's straight. It's possible he isn't. And it's pretty certain he will from time to time attract admiring looks from guys who've seen his films, and who will rush to tell you he's gay. Be prepared for that - think how you would deal with someone telling you about the films, thinking you didn't know.

 

Might be an idea to ask him calmly if there's anything else he would like to tell you NOW so there are no surprises down the line.

 

There's nothing here to say he ISN'T a good person... go with it and see how it goes...

 

BTW, how did this friend know?!

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I just found out a lot of people in our area know about his porn films. We live in a small area and I can't believe i didn't know about this before. I want to give him a chance though. We have a date tomorrow night and its gonna be a bit awkward at first, but I am definitely gonna ask him questions. I could understand porn wit woman..i guess, but with guys?? ahhhh!!! I need to make sure there are no other surprises. He told me he doesn't do drugs anymore either.

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Maybe it paid better? Maybe the drugs addled his judgement?

 

I suppose the hardest thing may turn out to be that everyone knows his history, cos they may all want to tell you! (Context here, I speak as someone who was telephoned by the local paper to tell me my husband was gay - fortunately I knew so they didn't get their 'Wife screams NO NO NO!' story)

 

I think your best information as to how this might pan out will be how he responds to your questions. If he is uncomfortable but understands your need to have answers and tries to answer them all, I think you have someone who is genuinely sorry (hopefully not just that you found out!) and trying to move on*. And you know, if he's going to move on, it has to be with someone, some day - so if you like him. why not you?

 

*I mean, sorry that his choices have affected his chances with someone he likes. Not sorry he ever took that route, maybe he had good reasons.

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I'd say just take it slow. No, you shouldn't hold his past against him (embarrassing though it may be for both of you), but you should move slowly until you are 100% certain that he's turned his life around and isn't lying about having kicked the drug habit.

 

I would ask him more questions about the drug use than the porn. What kind, how often, how long he's been clean, whether he's participating in a program.

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I could never get past this, but that's just me. You will have to decide if you can, and no one can make that decision for you.

 

Two weeks is not a long time. You just met him. It's not like this is coming out after years of marriage or something. If it bothers you really badly, I would probably suggest ending it. You're still getting to know each other.

 

Lots of guys make you feel like a million bucks in the first two weeks when they're reeling you in. Often doesn't last forever. How much do you really know about this guy? How do you know he's not still on drugs?

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A porno/drug-addled past would be really difficult for me to get past.

 

But anyhow, as others have said, keep a cautious distance while you find out more detail about the drug use.

 

And my guess is that he is bisexual, whether he wants to acknowledge it to himself or not. Regardless of drug usage, if you are aroused enough to do full-on intercourse sessions with other guys, it's part of your natural sexuality (It's more than just "I needed some money" or "I was high at the time"). As I'm sure most would agree, there's nothing wrong about his sexuality whatever it may be. But I'd be hesitant to believe he's fully straight.

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yeah, we hung out tonight and it was really fun..i mean, i really like him. We talked about his past a little bit tonight and he told me over and over again that he has no interest in men. He told me the money was that good.. The problem is my family wouldn't understand. I want to keep dating him, but I don't know what to do. Another thing, he has a crazy ex who keeps calling him nonstop cuz she doesn't know how to live without him. They have been broken up for 4 months and she constantly calls him and wants to get back together. She found my number somehow, i think she hacked into his phone logs online or something and keeps calling me nonstop. He is so upset with her and what i found out..he keeps saying he understands if we don't talk anymore. He feels like a lost cause because of everything thats gone on in his life. We do make eachother happy though..what do i do ?

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You have to ask yourself this. Are you willing to put up with all the drama surrounding him? If the answer is yes, move forward and don't look back. Any other answer (i.e. a "no" or a "maybe") and you should break it off now because everyone, even you, has a breaking point.

 

It's pretty clear that you two love each other. I say the word "love" because if your feelings were less, you would have broken up/left a long time ago. The problem is that he's afraid that you'll leave him with his issues. He needs to get it in his head that you'll be with him. Only you can tell him that.

 

You need to know him more as well. That will help you answer the first question.

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You shouldn't ask us but only yourself honestly.

 

Is his past this a problem to YOU ?

 

His past problems with drugs and porn might tell things about him but people change over time eventually. He took drugs and did gay porn but some people are ready to experience all these things, and the reasons are not always clear ( curiosity, stupidity, pressure ?). It might look weird for outstanders but to them it makes sense.

 

Something tells me that everyone diserves a second chance.

 

The only thing I'd ask him, if you are willing to continue with him, is to not hold back more information. Trust is important. On another note, you both are in an early stage and I understand someone wouldn't want to tell this right away. No one would.

 

If you can talk this over it also mean that you both are getting more serious me thinks.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Things are going so well between us, i really haven't thought about his past at all the past couple days. We went out of town lastnight and had the best time ever. We went to this bar and it was soo packed but we felt like we were the only ones in there. Honestly, this sounds kinda corny, but we just sat there and stared at eachother in admiration most of the night...and smiled..ahhh. WE talked about everything and he caressed my face all night! He is soo romantic. I told my Mom about him yesterday and she is not happy about this at all, but i told her how happy he makes me and she said it will take her some time to accept it. She told me that my brothers are gonna really have a hard time with it. Still scared to tell them.

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