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It all takes time, right?


Mlost

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So, I’m in a relationship again. It started the way I’ve always wanted it to start, a steady build from acquaintance to friend to girlfriend. We commute on the train together and have been chatting for the last 2-3 months. Last Thursday, I invited her to a happy hour at my work, and then Friday night she asked me to hang out with her at her apartment. So, it’s been a slow and steady progression of getting to know each other, liking what we see and then moving ahead.

 

My question is, if we had a slow build up of friendship and trust and then feelings, is it natural to expect that the beginning of the relationship will continue along the same gradual pace? We’ve both been hurt in the past, and so going slow seems to be a good idea.

 

But, how slow is too slow? Do you think there needs to be some small time of “picking up the pace” right after the initial talk, and then we settle down a bit after we’re more comfortable with each other?

 

I mean, we’re not talking for hours every night or writing sappy love poems or going all ga-ga over each other on the train. But, I think, the only reason I did that in my past relationships was because I didn’t know enough about me or who I wanted, and so I replaced slowly building a firm foundation with all the lovey-dovey crap that fades away after about 2 weeks.

 

Any help is appreciated!

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Just communicate how you feel each step along the way. With my current boyfriend. We agreed to take it slow, e.g. progressing from meeting for coffee once every two weeks, to meeting more than once a week, even holding hands took time with some texts and emails before doing so, ditto with kissing and more.

 

We didn't do it for any religious reasons or anything, just wanted to take things slow, and I think it worked rather than rushing everything into 3 or 4 dates and it gives you a chance to enjoy things gradually.

 

Wouldn't suit everyone, so communicating what and why is good otherwise she might think you're not interested.

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That's why I'm asking all the questions. This is a new route for me. Normally, it's jumping in with both feet and that's never ended well for me.

 

Also, I need to clarify. When we were at her apartment, and then again on Saturday night, we talked about what was going on, how we were feeling and all that. So, it's out that we both consider this something more than good friends. But, it's how fast that builds up steam is what I'm confused about.

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Ok so you both agree that you want to start something. Well, start by going out on some dates to get to know each other. Arrange to meet for coffee, plan day trips out, whatever you are interested in.

 

If you both like each other you'll probably want to spend more time in each other's company.

 

It's impossible to put a timescale on when everything happens it's down to you two. If you want to get to know each other properly first it's probably better to delay the sexual stuff; plan a weekend away and make it special when you do.

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I had this problem with my current bf during our first year. It was SLLOOOW.

The pace is unique, determined by who is or is not ready to get to whatever level in the relationship. If one person isn't ready, you will get to his/her level until they are.

 

Levels in a relationship are usually determined with how involved you are in each other's lives, and yourselves. How much you want to give of yourself, your time, and any sacrifices.

 

You'll just be at peace when you're ready.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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