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peperpip
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Li...
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Like This

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So where to start...im 19 years old and have been dating this girl for almost 9 months now. Its a pretty serious relationship, she talks about how she always wants to be with me and never wants to be without me and i believe her.

 

My problem is being the jealous and worrysome type of guy i tend to overreact andd overthink things. I am absolutely in love with this girl and truly want to be with her forever, but sometimes i feel like even though she says it i cant picture her feeling the same way. ever since we have been going out i have been amazing to her and she doesnt treat me the same way i treat her and i know i would go so much farther than she would to make the relationship last.

 

Its so confusing, she tells me how much she loves me and i truly believe her but sometimes i feel like im just a temporary or along for the ride boyfriend. Throughout the whole relationship it seems like she would always pick her friends over me( example: we live a start apart in the summer because she goes to a college 30 minutes away from mine and i met her during the school year. but anyway an example is after not seeing each other for 2 weeks i went up to visit her for 4 days or so and the day and following day i got there she wanted to go hang out with one of her best friends instead of being with me...it always seems like she doesnt have the same desire to talk or to see me as i do with her.

 

i love talking on the phone and seeing her and i would never get bored of it, however, she gets mad and says that i try to control her life and only talk/see me and no one else and demand too much of her attention..which i dont get because even at school we see each other 1-2 a week. Also when we first started dating we would text each other ALL the time and have in depth conversations and we would talk on the phone for a long time, and now it seems like we only send the 6-10 texts which are the whats up, whats goin on, hows your day goin stuff.

 

She only texts me usually if i text her first which is really irritating also. Im also a worrysome/jealous type and it doesnt work at all because she is very pretty and it always seems like shes flirting with guys (im not the only one who notices it) she says its just her personality but it seems like shes really flirty..I know she would never cheat on me because her values and ex relationships and i know its not her to do that but it seems at times like she is/would. shes a huge partyer and sometimes gets wasted and im afraid some guy might take her the wrong way when shes drunk because shes a very outgoing girl and has a flirty personality.

 

One more thing is im going to be a sophmore and she is going to be a freshmen next year and our colleges are 30 minutes away. She cant/doesnt want to bring her car, so im going to so we can see each other. We had a conversation about next year and when we are going to be able to see each other and how much we were going to see each other and i was upset because i said i could drive down every weekend and we could switch off whose colelge we go to on the weekends and she said she doesnt want to see me every weekend because she wants to go out and meet new people. I dont know if i over reacted but it seems like she doesnt feel the same way that i feel about her. Sorry for such a super long post but im trying to get everything in there so i can get some solid advice! Thanks!!

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I would take the clue and back off...Listen I wish I had done the same thing in my relationships...you are Clinging onto her too much so she gets kind of annoyed with it and her way of dealing with it is to run away with her friends. If you dont call/txt/see her as much, she will be wondering what hapened and she will come to YOU. You are co-depending on her sometimes and its a turn off to most girls. Give her some space man...let her do her thing with her friends, and let yourself do things with your friends. You guys dont need to be attached at the hip txting and calling all day. Its a better solution for a long lasting relationship...and it builds trust.

 

TRUST HER. Dont be jealous...know that what shes doing is OK! If she ever breaks that trust its one thing, but until she does, support her and trust her and never think negative about what she might be doing.

 

The more you pursue and cling to her, the farther you will push her away.

 

and when she says stuff like she wants to go out and meet people, say ok! Agree with her...tell her its a good idea and you want to do the same...give her a reason to think in the back of her head "wait whats he doing??"...

 

Trust me, this will help your relatinoship and any future relationships, BIG TIME.

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I agree with SRTtoZ. The more you cling to her the more she will push you away. Living at college is supposed to be about meeting new people. She has a right to want to do that. Maybe you can suggest meeting up with her each weekend for a few hours, but not spend the whole weekend Every weekend together. Just give her a little bit of space and don't blow up on her when she asks for some space. Believe me that's a HUGE turn off

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I never thought of it that way, awesome advice! Ill try to stop texting her/calling her that much and starting fights about stuff like that. Is it too late though? college is in 3 weeks and i know she is very annoyed and gets pushed away because i always bring that up. Also..this is pretty bad but she makes me want to cheat on her the way she acts and treats me sometimes, shes never cheated on me and i dont think she ever would its just i just get the urge to hoping it will not make me so jealous and clingy..

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also should i just start doing that or should i have a serious conversation with her and tell her that i know i have been very clingy in the past and its screwed me up but im going to give you space and blah blah, what do you think?

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ok got it....one more thing thats bothering me.. shes a huge partier and she tells me she loves to party and is gonna party a ton at college, and at the same time she says she wants to party and meet new friends and doesnt want me to be there every weekend when she is partying..what do you think that means?

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ok got it....one more thing thats bothering me.. shes a huge partier and she tells me she loves to party and is gonna party a ton at college, and at the same time she says she wants to party and meet new friends and doesnt want me to be there every weekend when she is partying..what do you think that means?
It means she wants to hook up with other people without you knowing about it.
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