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Dignity or guilt - which actually makes you feel better?


locolady
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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After a break-up where one person has treated the other badly and you no longer speak, which do you think makes the dumpee feel better?

 

- Total silence

- occasional messages that remind the dumper they exist and have been hurt.

 

Does the dumper give a about either option?!

 

I just cannot shake the desire to text my ex. He broke my heart and I HATE that he doesnt care, that he is happy with his girlfriend and never gives me a second thought. I know its irrational but I feel that sending him occasional messages at least makes him remember I exist and maybe maybe a tiny bit of guilt - thats nothing compared to how I feel. If I just am silent, he can pretend he is this perfect happy man who does nothing wrong.

 

Thoughts?

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I just wouldnt text him personally. Me and my ex broke up a few times, every time I'd beg him back text him etc, he'd come back, but I'd lost my dignity, then one time he semi broke up with me and I just turned round and said 'Ok fine, lets end it for good' I didnt text him or talk to him after that.

 

I felt so strong , like he'd be sat their thinking 'Why isnt she asking for me back?!?!?!' and I never did, I felt so muc better for it, like I had my dignity, I'd been strong.

 

Your bf has a new girlfriend. To retain dignity I'd stick with just ignoring him and getting on with your life. I know it must hurt so much, but you will get better and meet someone new.

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I'm pretty sure he doesnt wonder, ever. He has refused to speak to me even once since we broke up. I just want him to know I exist and to not be able to so fully turn his back on this. Why am I the only one who hurts? And theres nothing I can do about that.

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He has already turned his back on you and made a choice to move on. You can not change that. We can only control our own actions and lives, not others.

 

And yes it hurts. But walking away with dignity and your head held high will make you feel better than trying to talk to someone who doesnt want to talk to you.

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I'm pretty sure he doesnt wonder, ever. He has refused to speak to me even once since we broke up. I just want him to know I exist and to not be able to so fully turn his back on this. Why am I the only one who hurts? And theres nothing I can do about that.

 

Unfortunately, we cannot control the actions of others...only OUR reaction to it.

 

There is NOTHING you can do about what he has done. Sometimes, we have to accept the things we cannot change, no matter how difficult it is.

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Of course dignity makes a person feel better. Or do you mean egotistical pride versus guilt? If you mean that, I think both are one in the same. Egotistical pride means judging someone as inferior to you (in this case). Guilt means judging yourself as inferior to someone. Both really suck if you ask me!

 

I felt kind of good a day after I deleted my Myspace (finally). I'm the dumpee and I no longer needed to go on there since all the activity is on FB.

 

The problem for me is that I started to feel guilty. My ex still included me as his # 1 friend on Myspace, even when he changed his other top friends around (in other words, he changed his profile but still kept me # 1, even after we broke up and been in NC for the most part).

 

I looked at his Myspace today (without signing in since I no longer have a profile), and saw that he still had a picture of me and including me in his "about" section. I felt guilty...he might think I just deleted him as a friend. I hope he realizes I deleted my whole profile and not just him.

 

At the same time, I don't know why I feel guilty...I mean just because he kept me as a # 1 friend doesn't mean he wants me anymore (obviously). He doesn't make an effort to talk to me, and I'm very honestly expecting no sign from him whatsoever on my birthday in a couple weeks (he barely cared about my birthday when we were together, to be honest).

 

I don't know...I HATE hurting people but I hate being hurt too. I wish I didn't even have to be in the situation in the first place. I just want peace and for everyone to love each other. Is that too much to ask?

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I have been in his shoes before. Believe me, he undoubtedly misses some things about you. I think every relationship has its good memories. When you text and call him, it doesn't make him go "wow, I reaaly messed up..." I have been in his shoes, it makes us go "damn, I sure am glad I shook this psycho!". Not to be rude in any way, but it never makes us want you back or acknowledge our faults, it simply makes it easier to justify breaking it off. Not to mention mentally, your better off not dwelling on it. Your prince charming could be right around the corner and if your all caught up on your ex you might never even notice him.

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I know its irrational but I feel that sending him occasional messages at least makes him remember I exist and maybe maybe a tiny bit of guilt - thats nothing compared to how I feel. If I just am silent, he can pretend he is this perfect happy man who does nothing wrong.

 

Thoughts?

 

His life will go on regardless and he will continue to live his life the way he chooses and no matter what you do....

 

That is the harsh reality....

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