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Am I insecure or is this guy a player...


XxJustMexX
12 Signs He's a Player - Beginn...
12 Signs He's a Player - Beginners Guide

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Sorry, but I think it seems he is interested in only one thing and only shows an interest in talking, when its about 'that' thing. And we need take no guesses as to what that is and because it's made blatently obvious above....

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Is he bad at conversation in person too? Some people are just not into the phone thing. I hate them too actually. The sex talk all the time is suspicious though. I know I've been warned by other women that if a man talks a lot about sex at the start of a relationship, it means he is not interested in having something serious with you and very likely meeting and chatting up other girls. It should be considered a pretty big red flag.

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It sounds like this is a guy you met in person only once and decided to have sex with right away - nothing wrong with that at all - you both seemed to enjoy it - but it sounds reasonable that he'd be focusing on sex since most of what he knows of you in person is sexual.

 

I think you're confusing "communication" with "talking". Talking is a form of communication, sure, but healthy communication, at least to me requires at least as much listening as talking and often requires just being together, in silence, as a way of fostering healthy communication overall. He might have thought he loved that you like to talk so much (and again I don't think talking a lot means that you are a good communicator - it might, it might not), but it sounds like he's probably overwhelmed with the amount you talk especially since you've only met once.

 

And if he's overwhelmed, the communication suffers because then he won't feel comfortable being with you because he'll feel like he has to be a captive audience for your "talking". That's also probably why he gives you one word answers because he has gotten the impression that you like to talk more than you like to listen and he figures if he gives short answers maybe you'll back off a bit on all the talking (and since you do like to talk a lot maybe he doesn't know if you really care about his answer and are just looking for a way to keep "babbling" as you call it.

 

My suggestion is to focus more on learning his communication style - and if that is being more quiet, so be it - and making sure to spend more time in person and not focus so much on the texting.

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Thanks for the reply. Well the thing is, he does talk, just I guess not as much as I want him to. I mean face it, we're girls, we like to talk. A friend of mine brought up that most guys just hate talking. That's why I continue with him to try to get to know him more. ....

 

Uhm I know women like to talk and more than men. I was having this same conversation a few days back and had actually advised a female in a 2 year relationship not to worry that her man didnt talk as much as she wanted....men are just that way.

The concern about your guy is, is that you said he shows an enthusiasm in talking however, when talking SEX....so he's proven he's able to talk and hold a conversation... right??

 

In the early days of a relationship, talking is what both men and women do and if they are genuinely interested in getting to know each other. How would we ever get to know each other, or have anything progress and if we didnt communicate with one another and talk??? You have known him a month, but appear to know very little about him and because this man isnt showing that huge of an interest in a relationship with you, else Im sorry....but he'd be communicating more, want to get to know you further and letting you into his world also....and we do that by talking.

 

 

It's just right now I'm pretty busy in my life so I haven't had time to really meet up with him more than just that one time in the last month. So it's hard to get to know him outside of the darn phone. A guy friend of mine told me that no matter what most men are up for sex anytime anyplace, so he's not surprised that he'll be up for talking when it's something sexual, but most men won't be too gung ho about talking about their day or how the weather is.

 

Well all men are different, but I managed to get to know my partner exceedingly well and by talking on the phone. He called me a lot and most every single day.....even if just to say, he was thinking about me.

He took a real interest in how I was feeling, what I was up too, sharing things with me about his day, etc, etc, etc....

And I would never have to initiate you know. He always called and texted me.

Guys may well like to talk about sex. But when guys will talk SEX and without little other talk going on...it's a red flag...simple as.

 

It seems we got off to a pretty quick start and we've basically skipped through all the bull and let each other know from the beginning how we are. (Hence how I know he hates the phone, how he's quiet, etc...) But he also knows that I need conversation and communication. It just seems I'm trying too hard to work on what he wants, but he's not trying hard enough to work on what I want. I mean he answers my texts mostly, but it's the way that he answers them that bothers me. I mean why tell me to text you because it makes you feel "special" and you like it... but when I do text you, you give me one word back??? Grrrr.... men.

 

Honestly comes accross to me, that this isnt a case of a man who just doesnt like to talk.

 

It's a man with very little interest in you, or a relationship with you.

 

Sorry, that is just the way I see it....

 

Men dont have to be constant talkers and chat away for hours to show us they care. They can do it by simply picking up a phone/or sending us a text, that lets us know they are thinking about us....and if he was 'that' interested, he would...

 

Distance is no barrier either and because when long distance, it becomes even more important that there is regular communication....

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^^^ Know exactly what you mean. I tend to look for the best in people too and I've been sorely disappointed and a lot in my perosnal relationships with men.

 

Because I have been sorely disappointed and a lot, has made me more cautious of whom I choose to become involved with. Because I've had more than my fair share of disappointment in relationships, I am now aware of the 'signs' to watch out for and so is why I am generally good at spotting gen guys from the ungenuine ones and I've experience with both.....the ungen more however, lol

 

End of day, it's down to you and if you want to remain involved.

Personally, he wouldn't be worth the effort that I was feeling I had to put in and especially when he appeared not to be giving much back...

 

But that's just me ya know....

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  • 5 weeks later...

I would feel suspicious in that situation too. Just from my experience, there seems to be a lot of players on the dating sites, especially the free ones.

 

I'm a quiet and reserved person, and I'm guilty of the not picking up the phone when I see a guy calling at first because I'm too nervous to talk. but if I have already met him in person that nervousness of talking on the phone would be gone and I'd pick up even if I really cant talk at the moment, I'd just let him know that and call back later.

 

Usually when they start talking about sex so soon, and the conversations keep drifting towards sex before even getting to know other things about each other, I drop them. Maybe I'm too prudish?

 

Well, whats funny is some of the guys I talked to say a lot of girls play games online, so everyone online must be a player.

 

If you really don't like the way things are going with this guy, if you haven't already, tell him it bothers you he hardy ever talks on the phone or tries to get to know you more. If he still doesn't put in any effort I think it would be time to drop him. He most likely won't change and you'll keep feeling frustrated when you could of just found a guy who will be more than happy to talk to you and answer your texts with more than 1 word answers.

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