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How to proceed?


professorplum

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I cannot stop thinking about a woman at work. She is separated [3.5 years] and has instigated a degree nisi a little way back. We have been out as part of a group and as a couple. She has 3 children [youngest is 15] and clearly feels guilty about them. We regularly email and text about all kinds of personal stuff and she said would let me know when we could go out in the summer.

I have tried to move this relationship on but she has said she is not looking for anyone at the present time but feels there is a possibility we could have a relationship in the future but is not sure when. She still feels comfortable emailing and obviously speaking at work. Does this sound like there is any chance if I can only be patient - I am trying not to be too much in her face which I know she does not appreciate. We are both in our late 40s and I find it hard not to think about her all the time.

What is the best course of action in the coming weeks please?

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Maybe cut back back on the emails and calls for now. If she's not ready, it'll just be torture for you to get more and more into her while she's still on the fence. Maybe next time you talk to her say that you really like, would love to take her out and to please let you know when she'd be comfortable and available for that. Let her know that it's in your best interest to let it go for now but that you hope to hear from her when she's ready.

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We regularly email and text about all kinds of personal stuff and she said would let me know when we could go out in the summer.

I have tried to move this relationship on but she has said she is not looking for anyone at the present time but feels there is a possibility we could have a relationship in the future but is not sure when.

 

Don't waste your time. In fact, don't even bother with the friendship in the hopes it will lead to something more. She has made her feelings clear..she just dangled that little carrot about a possible future in order to keep you around feeding her ego. Forget her, you will waste your life waiting for someone who says maybe. Yes means yes, no means no and maybe means no as well. Forget Mrs. Peacock in the bedroom or any other room for that matter and move on to Mrs White (I gather Professor Plum is from the game of Clue!).

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I could not help myself and emailed her this weekend about general stuff. I had a short but generally positive reply but then started worrying she had not picked up on all my comments. No mention of meeting up yet. There is 4 weeks left of the holiday so there is still a chance but this is really doing my head in waiting. She occupies my every waking moment. I know if I don't hear this time the writing is on the wall. It would be easier if I didn't have to see her at work next month. Spent all of yesterday re reading past emails trying to look for positives and find hope. That was not difficult but a relationship needs more than that I know. Why is this so so important to my well being?

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I think you are waay to obsessed and that is probably very clear to her. The writing has been on the wall for a while that she's not interested.

 

What is your relationship history? Have you been married before and/or had long term relationships in the past?

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