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My little sister was diagnosed with depression a few years back, and since then I've been trying to help her cope with this new reality. One of the things that frustrated her the most was that she could feel better no matter what she did or accomplished. I began to explain to her one of the sad realities I had to learn, and that's that success isn't a quick fix for depression. She's been making tremendous strides in her life, and achieving things she always dream of. She completed her degree. She got a modeling contract with Ford. She's been traveling all over the world, but the depression still haunts her, despite the fact that she feels she should be happy. I remember how hard it was to have that conversation with her, because it's definitely one of those things that can easily make you lose hope. I mean, if you can't be happy even when you succeed, then why live? This is such a difficult way to "live." I remember growing up and learning it on my own. No matter how well I did in school, or anything I accomplished I still had this hole. IN the past year, I've been hospitalized 2 twice for failed attempts, and I've had two secret failures. I'm beginning to see success in music and I'm moving toward things that other people dream, but I'm not happy at all. That makes me feel worse, because I know there are so many people who are fighting to get where I am, yet I don't seem to appreciate it the way I should. I want this to be over so badly. I hate when people say, "Killing yourself is easy if you really want to do it." Those are people who have never tried and never faced it. I've gone to the bridge, but climbing over that rail might as well be Kilimanjaro. I've tried to OD, but I've learned, the hard way, that most over the counter stuff won't get you there, just hurt a lot. And I have scars from a failed attempt that I now have to work hard to hide everyday of my life. There is nothing "easy" about killing yourself. There's also nothing easy about living with depression. I hate it. I hate everyday that I wake up miserable and every night I close my eyes and have more nightmares. I wish it were easy, because I certainly wouldn't be writing this now. Now that I've typed this I see I don't really have a point. I guess I'm just venting.

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Hey there,

 

vent away sweetie, it does some good.

 

You're right. Suicide's not easy. In fact i think theres only one thing harder really - living.

 

Your also right that success doesn't fix it. The reason for that is that happiness comes from within. Not from things around you, situations, or family, or occurences around you. Its from within. so you are always happy, even in bad situations, or always unhappy, even in good situations.

 

Its not about the people around you who would give anything to be where you are. It is not about them.

 

This is about you.

 

To get that happiness coming from within, you have to understand where the depression comes from. The roots of it. The emergence. The cause. When this particular way of thinking arose, and what factors in our lives perpetuate this cycle.

 

Do you see anyone about your depression hun? Because it is certainly not something that anyone should ever have to go through alone.

 

It must be awful for you to see your sister go through the same thing. That must be a lot of pressure, and a lot of feeling helpless/. Did any of your parents have it when you were growing up can i ask?

 

*Hugs*

 

xxx

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