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I just can't keep going


Albert is cool

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Up until two years ago... my family was very wealthy, I was very talkative and funny, I would have every girl behind me and every guy wanting to be my friend. They all did what I said, everyone loved me, I was the teacher's favorite always, the parents loved me. I found a lot of great friends that were very much like me... I could have asked for nothing more. Now I'm 16; two years ago my family's business went bankrupt, we all lost everything, for two years I was kind of okay I still had my friends, money and friends has been the only thing I cared about for my entire life. Every day that passed I became less attractive for some reason, I lost confidence in myself, I discovered I was gay, I don't know what happened but I just wasn't funny anymore, suddenly I had nothing interesting to talk about, and so I didn't anymore. I moved away with no money or emotional strength to make new friends. I kept holding on to my past and not making as many friends here. Now it has come to a point that my old friends grew up and are no longer there, my new friends aren't good enough, and I am lost in a living hell. I've been in love like four times with some of my good friends here and right now I am really into my friend Albert. I can't take this loneliness anymore, I don't have many friends, my family was never close and I have no money. I don't want to live anymore I just want to disappear.

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That's a huge change in your life, and it sounds like you're suffering some depression because of it. What a difficult time for you.

 

But your money was never you. It sounds like maybe the money was a crutch for a long time, because it allowed you to surround yourself with people who liked you for your money, without having to really work at it. Who wouldn't feel like a big deal with people flocking around at their beck and call?

 

Now you need to find people who like you for you, not your money. And maybe that's going to be difficult, because you never had to learn how to be a real friend to people back when they just crowded around you whether you worked at it or not. But you can learn to do it, and the friends you make will be people who like the real you. You'll never have to wonder if they just like your money and prestige. If you can find the strength to build a new life with friends like that, you may find out that some of these events were a blessing in disguise.

 

It's natural to grieve for the life you lost. But you still have it in your power to build a new life that's worth living. You're so young, and have so much ahead of you: college, career, an independent adult life. Start trying to imagine that future for yourself. You won't have money to start out with, but most young people don't, so you'll actually be on an equal footing with most of your peers when you go off to college.

 

If you're truly feeling life isn't worth living, please get some counseling right away. There's no shame in needing help to get through a tough transition like this one.

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(No matter if you lose everything, you always keep your soul.)

 

Aight listen up.

 

If your castle gets destroyed then there are two things you can do, 1 is cry over the ruins, and 2 is rebuild your castle and make sure to put up a defensive wall so that whatever what it was that destroyed it in the first place doesn't happen again. Crying is useless, so of course you need to start rebuilding your life.

 

A lot of people that i have met in the past who are gay are also depressed, this is because they see it as a liability to their life and all too often they use it as an excuse to justify their sad lives. You must throw away this liability and take the responsibility of your own life, bring back the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in 'your' hands, otherwhise you just become an emotional soccerball for others to play with.

 

Now is not the time to show your soft side, you must learn that every form of co-dependency is wrong, and that you have been relying on your parents to live an -easy life- far too long. If you are to survive in this world , you must fight for your own life(without real violence of course but you get the idea i hope) , and struggle for good grades, money and establishing your own bussines from scratch. When those primairy things are met, then you can occupy yourself with the true meaning of life, which is to love and help other people. No one is going to climb the staircase for you, again take responsibility of your own life and climb to the top thru your own efforts.

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Sunflour, my friends didn't like me because of my money, most of them had even more money than I did.

Money allowed me to surround myself with people who were like me, without money I have to be friends with people I don't have much in common with, that's why I don't have that many friends.

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Well then, you've got a reason to form friendships that aren't based solely on having money. Having money in common isn't much to base a friendship on. Maybe your new friendships can be more meaningful, based on common interests and kindred spirits.

 

You don't have to have the same economic background to have things in common. You can like the same music or sports or have a similar philosophy of life.

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I beg to differ maybe you don't understand what I'm trying to say, is that people of the same background, economic or otherwise have similar interests, views, ideas, etc. and I am having trouble finding new friends because most people I meet don't have those similarities with me.

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I do understand. But unless your only interests were riding polo ponies and flying private jets, economic status is not an impediment to finding new friends who share some of your interests. Think of this as a chance to broaden your horizons and be more democratic and inclusive in your friendships. You might learn something in the process.

 

Even if your parents hadn't lost their money, when you went off to college you would be meeting people from all different socioeconomic backgrounds. Surely you weren't planning to only associate with the rich ones?

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"They all did what I said, everyone loved me..."

They all did what I said? Why?

 

"...money and friends has been the only thing I cared about for my entire life."

There is more to life than money.

 

"...my new friends aren't good enough..."

This quote may be the key. Why are your new friends not good enough? What makes you so much better?

 

When I was 8 my mom left my dad who was abusive. Little did I know that afternoon after I left school, I went home and was told to pack. We left and I have never looked back. A new school, new city, new people. We moved so far away that I didnt even have any family except for my mom, her mother (we moved to her house) and my brothers. It took a long time for me to "join the new crowd". The most important thing I learned is not to define yourself by what you have but what you are. If your happy being gay or bisexual, be proud of yourself.

 

Being kind and confident will attract other kind and confident people.

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waveseer, I guess I wouldn't be feeling like this if I could find friends, It's been two years of unhappiness so in my mind I think that "if i can't get friends here, but I used to have lots and lots of friends over back then, what's different? money" (I don't know if that made sense)

If right now I had lots and lots of friends I would still care and worry about money but I wouldn't be this unhappy.

 

Blacksunshine, they did all that I said because I was the cool kid, the most hansome, the funny one that everyone liked, I was their leader because I was what they wished they could be but I still kept my feet on the ground, they admired me.

 

On my opinion the most important thing in life are friends, then money and then everything else. You are right there is more to life than money, I didn't say the contrary.

 

I said my new friends weren't good enough because that's how I feel, I didn't say I was better, I meant that with my new friends I don't have the same chemistry as I did with the last ones.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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