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My boyfriend is a disppointment - venting


LilyXX
How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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I have posted before about my boyfriend not having any money. He is 42 and just got out of debt. All that while always working full time at well paying job and living with his parents rent free for most of his life. I really don't know how that can happen. Now that I want to buy a house it has to be on my name because he has bad credit and I have to put in all the downpayment because he has nothing saved.

When we are out searching I constantly have to remind him of our price range and we really can't get anything decent we can afford. I love him and he is good to me, so I don't plan on leaving. But now a feel incredibly disappointed and bitter. Almost to the point of being depressed

 

I have friends really did not amount to much themselves, who married man that can support them and have a much better lifestyle then I ever hope to have. I am not any worse then them, really. If anything I am more hardworking, more successful and more attractive. Not successful enough to do it all on my own while working one job. So I spent all evening today working on a website for a part time business. I do graphic/web design. I love my job, but I don't want to be working 12 hours per day, but i am going to have now.

The funny thing is that I have always dated losers. My current boyfriend is actually the better one on the bunch. As soon as someone normal wanted to date me I always rejected them. I only remember one potentially good guy I dated briefly when I was in highschool. I was 17, he was cute, seemed serious and wanted to be a doctor. I decided that I did not need all this relationship stuff then and wanted to explore, have fun, date many men, see what is out there. See where it got me now. I could have been a wife of a cute doctor living in a palace, instead of trying to find the cheapest house possible. May be someone can learn from my mistakes.

 

Thanks for reading.

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hi - you posted this 3 years ago. so i see you guys got back together. do you really want to be with this man? you said yourself back then he wasn't the one. seems like you are still not too pleased with him.

 

while i won't comment on a goal of being a cute doctor's wife, i will say that it is totally within your power to change your future and live the life you want to live.

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Perhaps it is time to move on from this relationship. You sound miserable. It sounds like you are settling for this relationship. Are you sure you want to invest in a house with this guy?? Can you see where this is going to lead if you persue this?

 

Please take some time to rethink this venture and this relationship.

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annie24. I am impressed you remember me. We came a long way since 3 years ago. The relationships is about 100 times better. I am actually happy with him accept for the money issue. I am just frustrated about it. We a talked about is and he knows how I feel. I just can't keep bringing it up with him, that is only going to make both of us miserable. I can't complain to my family & friends, because they hate him as it is, so why make it worse. I feel that I have to talk to someone.

I have to deal with my life the way it is. As for my comment about a "cute doctor" I never used to think like this before. I am only starting to realize how much his recklessness with money effects me.

I am not really materialistic, I just don't see why he can't pull his own weight.

 

It is not like I really think he is a loser, he is just really stupid with money. It is not like he is young, he is 42. It is not like he had bad luck and was out of work. He had a good job and worked hard, in fact harder then most people. He just spent everything he made then then some. What can be more stupid?

I was there with him all these year and did not even bother to say anything or ask any questions about his finances. I just took care of my own and trusted he know what he is doing.

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"I am actually happy with him accept for the money issue"

 

I know you meant to write "except" but maybe see this as a sign (Freudian?) that maybe you just need to "accept the money issue" as part of his package if indeed you are otherwise happy with him.

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WildlySophisticated,

 

While I can appreciate that it must be stressful to carry bulk of the financial responsibility, if you can see your boyfriend for who he is, including the flaws (and you can certainly see them) and you say you love him and will not leave him - then at that point, doesn't it become rather unfair to hold your decisions against him?

 

You see him for what he is and you chose to be with him for your own reasons. And they may be very good reasons. So don't hold your choice to stay with him against him by blaming him for all the negatives that come with that decision, perhaps?

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I was there with him all these year and did not even bother to say anything or ask any questions about his finances. I just took care of my own and trusted he know what he is doing.

 

I found this comment interesting. How long into the relationship did you find out the severity of his financial problems?

 

It sounds like you were dating him for some time and assumed he had things together financially, but then learned otherwise.

 

If that is the case, I can see how it would affect your perspective on him. I think its hard to really know about the inner workings of someone's financial issues unless you are going to get married - otherwise, most couples don't really have a need to know the details.

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