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What would you do?


tacotac
My Girlfriend Doesn't Want to G...
My Girlfriend Doesn't Want to Get Married, but I Do [SOLVED]

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If you are in a solid relationship with a guy that you love, and plan to marry someday, and to find someone else like him is unlikely, but you have no plans to of course, yet your parents don't think you should marry this guy because of their own intentions for you. Main cause, he is not as religious as they think he should be, and indicate if I were to move in with him before marriage, they would not give their blessing to him to marry me. Basically it is a religious thing. I am not as religious as my parents, never will be. I never intend to marry someone they approve of as I could not get along with an overly religious person. This would make me unhappy of course as well as make the guy I would be with unhappy as well. I do not hold all the same beliefs as my parents, and I'm sure I will not hear the end of it if I tell them this, but it is a bit apparent anyway. If I am not a "strict traditional" Christian, then to them I am not a Christian at all, but this I know is untrue of course. This may be from a large age gap as I am 27 and my folks are in their early 70's. What would be the sense to go with and marry someone your parents think you should go with if it meant you had to change your life and be unhappy because of it? If they don't grant blessing on our marriage, what does this mean? It is sweet to have my bf ask my dad to wed me, yet, to think he would tell my bf no, I wouldn't recommend him asking my father for that very reason. I don't think that should stop us from getting married someday, I don't think it can... I also don't want my folks getting in the way of my life, and after I graduate this December I plan to move in with him, there's nothing they can really do to stop me, although I fear as my mom is the vindictive type, she would try and get rid of all of my belongings. I just need to get my bank account and car in my name. I even wonder if I can do that without their say. Otherwise I may be out my car.

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The thing is, if you simply find a man who fits your parent's "ideal" image of the person you should marry, that's not necessarily going to be a man who will make you happy. You can't weed out potential life partners based on the fact that someone else would disapprove of them. I understand that family opinion of your SO may be important, but it can't be so important that it ultimately decides who you would or wouldn't spend your life with.

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Thanks! This is what I thought. I understand parents can be an influence since they are family, but they are not you, and I need to just be able to be me and make my own choices, and not always live in fear for argument or someone getting back at me because I decide to do something differently for me.

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Mabe I don't understand because I am not religious but this subject area bugs me quite a bit. I have never had to deal with such a situation and can appreciate how hard it can be but I just don't see what the big deal is. It's not like your BF is a murderer or rapist, just not "religious enough". Isn't the Christian way to be accepting of people?

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my mom would welcome any girl i choose to be with. she let's me live my life the way i want, make my own choices, and be happy on my own. sorry your parents aren't the same way, but life is about yourself.

 

I agree with this.

 

My parents are SUPER religious (dad's a minister) and they know I'm not. They have never been concerned with my SO's beliefs, all they want is for me to be with someone who makes me happy and treats me right. It's unfortunate that there are still parents out there who expect their children will marry someone who strongly follows the same religion, especially in this day and age when peoples' beliefs can be so diverse.

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Wow, wish my parents are like that. My mom is controlling, and no one here backs me up. Although my dad is on my side at times, wondering why my mom is the way she is... 2 against one. But the 2 are more passive and just take it, like it helps any My siblings are with my mom of course. They are all older, out of the house, married with families, actually are my half siblings. Now they are talking behind my back about being disrespectful to my mother. But to be honest, you can't really say anything in this house without being criticized. I try not to say much, but unfortunately I still must be saying the wrong things.

 

I am more worried about being cut or disowned by my family by the choices I make, but seriously, they must think I think it is the end of the world if I don't do as they say. Once they realize I know better, well I don't know what they will do. But to be honest, I don't see much of them anyway, all my siblings seem to be clique-ish and only associate with the favorites in the family, and I'm not one of them, but they don't usually have much to do with my parents either, unless they need something.... I don't know if I have that much to lose, but family is important anyway.

 

All I know is I am not going to "drop" my guy who loves me and sacrifices a lot for me and makes changes in his lifestyle and what not to make life better for "us" in hopes to have a future with me to be his wife and what not someday, just because my family doesn't think he is a suitable choice because he isn't religious enough to their standards. Of course I've had my bumps in the road in the beginning of our relationship, but I feel I am gradually maturing more, I feel more stable and trusting now that I have been with this guy for a long period of time, and I'm happy with the man I am with, period.

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