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My ex is trying to keep in touch with my friends.


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Hi folks,

 

I have an ex, who I haven't spoken to since we split up 2 months ago, who is trying to stay in touch with some of my friends. Most of them she only met once, for a couple of hours!

 

Surely she would know that this news would get back to me...sooooo, the question is, why is she doing this?

 

I have a sneaky suspicion that the purpose of this is to get some reaction out of me and to be honest, I was tempted, but decided that it wouldn't be a good idea; pandora's box, can of worms, etc.

 

For the time being, I have decided to sit this one out and see if there are any further developments. We both have stuff that belongs to each other, that we need to return, but because the split was quite stressfull we decided to give it some time before getting in touch to arrange this.

 

Has anyone else had any similar circumstances?

 

Any thoughts or feedback would be appreciated

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First things first... who dumped who?

 

If you dumped her.. this may be her way of worming her way into your mind, life, affection? maybe she wants you back? or maybe she wants to speak to your friends about how much she has 'moved on' and how 'brilliant' life is, hoping it will also get back to you in order to make her feel better about the fact that you dumped her..

 

If she dumped you, then it may be an ego thing where she doesn't want your friends to think she is a [insert expletive] because she hurt you.

 

I could be a number of reasons. I would find it odd too, especially, as like you said, some of them she only met once and didn't know.

 

Tell your friends to be civil to her, but not to extend the arm of friendship, if it would make you uncomfortable.

 

Its difficult to maintain NC when an ex is talking to friends.

 

My ex was really good friends with my best friend, he was, before we met and it used to really get to me that he would ask after me every time he saw her, especially when it was him that had broken my heart and I knew he didn't really care how I was, he just didnt want to look like the bad guy. It also meant that I got to hear news about him, such as.. he had moved in with the girl he dumped me for.. they were getting married.. they were having a baby.. I didnt need to be kept up to date with his life without me, especially when I was still hurt.

 

hope this helps

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Thanks for your reply

 

It was a mutual breakup - there had been some issues that we didn't see eye to eye on and after the umpteenth conversation, we were getting nowhere, so we both agreed to call it a day.

 

She has sent friend requests to two of my friends via facebook and spoke to another friends husband in a pub the other night, saying how 'lovely' she thought they all are and wanted to keep in touch! This is a classic example of behaviour from her, that I simply don't understand and nor do any of my friends, who have opted not to stay in touch Another example of odd behaviour was sleeping with one of her best friends about a week before our first date and not thinking there was anything wrong with that - we had been in contact for about two months before we decided to date and I made it obvious that I was interested in her....she couldn't understand why I had a problem with this, when I eventually found out.

 

She may indeed be worried about what I may have said to them and if this is the case, then it's a classic example of insecurity. I have merely told them the truth about how she was.

 

It's possible that she may be trying to worm her way back in to my life, but I have no intention of getting back together with her. I just want to get on with my life and enjoy being single

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You don't own your friends and you could be reading too much into this.

 

Yeah. I realise that and I have said to them that it is up to them if they want to establish a friendship with her or not. I would not presume to have the authority tell anyone what they can or cannot do.

 

I just find it weird that my ex, after two months of silence, would want to contact them and assume friendship having only met them once, for the duration of about 3 hours.

 

I don't know, maybe it's just me - perhaps that's normal behaviour then. Clearly.

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Jon1973,

 

My ex-girlfriend (the cheater/dumper) behaved similarly in the few months following the breakup of a long-term, long-distance relationship in which we had many mutual friends. She undertook a PR campaign of sorts, adding everyone we knew mutually to her FB friends list. Prior to the breakup, she seemed to have very little interest in adding any of those friends and acquaintances.

 

In my case, I believe it's an ego thing. Although I can't say exactly how populating a social networking list of contacts worked for her, I surmise that accumulating contacts provides some kind of emotional comfort. It's probably also a very cheap way to signal to others that she's still accepted by people who know her and she hasn't become some kind of social pariah (even though she may have committed horrible acts of betrayal).

 

I agree with others that you shouldn't read too much into this. It might be baffling to see, but you'll go nuts trying to figure out what's going on in her mind.

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Hi Sleepiness,

 

I think you are right and I have decided to leave it, as the situation isn't interfering with my everyday life.

 

It was just the initial bafflement and my knee-jerk reaction that prompted me to start this thread. I think I can safely say that for me, the case is closed

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It sounds like you are both playing games with each other, her worried about what you may have said and you worried that this may be a sign she wants back in your life. You both sound paranoid, so I guess the fights must have been brutal and included a lot of negative blame and accusations! There are times in life when you do not get to do No Contact, by virtue of children together, working or living or going to school with or near each other, or mutual friends! My take on this is for YOU TO STAY OUT OF WHAT YOUR FRIENDS DO WITH REGARDS TO THIS WOMAN!!! If you dictate that they can't see her (how 8th grade is that anyhow) she does have a grand reason to complain and you will start more bad vibes between you two. Don't pour oil on troubled waters, just let them stand still....

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Well, here's the other point of view. I was dumped by my ex but we are still on good terms. I really liked one of his close friends and I wanted to stay in touch, because I didn't want to lose the friendship. I asked my ex if it was OK with him first though, out of respect. He said of course it was, and hopefully one day soon we would all hang out together.

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