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Mixed signals as we're apart


floridafan

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This is long, I know - please take a moment to read it and let me know your thoughts. Thanks for any and all input, positive or negative.

 

So, my ex and I had been together for almost 2 years and the relationship moved very quickly -- we moved in together almost immediately, work together, and have a very overlapping circle of friends. She broke up with me about 2 months ago. We were nearing the end of our lease and were about to sign a new one at another apartment complex when she told me that things were not the same and the relationship was not working, that I didn't spend enough quality time with her and that she felt as though I no longer cared. She didn't know if the problems could be fixed and she was scared to commit to another year-long lease if things couldn't be worked out. She said she was getting her own place and that she wasn't trying to end the relationship for good, but she wanted to sever out financial ties and in a month or 2 we can hang out and see where it goes. She said she hopes that moving out suddenly won't ruin the chance of that happening. She moved out the next day and stayed with her best friend for a couple of nights until her new apt was ready. This whole situation was a complete surprise, as I was happy and (stupidly) assumed that she was too.

 

A week later she came over to get some of her possessions that she didn't get the week before and we had a brief conversation. I may have come accross as too needy or depressed, but I told her that she means the world to me, told her about the problems I now realized we had, why they ocurred, how they could be changed, and that I didn't want to just walk away from the relationship. Then I asked her if she wanted to try to work things out too, to which she responded with "I don't think so" and "I think we need to fall off each other's radar for a little while."

 

At first, I thought she might have left me for someone, but for a number of reasons that i won't go into here, I know that this is not the case. What's more, it's been 2 months and I know she is still single.

 

Anyways, I respected her desire for falling off each other's radar and ,aside from a couple of emails about closing out some of our mutual bills, we did not communicate for 5 weeks, even though we work 20 feet away from each other. Luckily our jobs are not so iner-related that we had to communicate professionally more than once or twice. After 5 weeks, she broke the no contact and sent me an email at work asking if it was weird for her to offer me some candy that she couldn't finish. There are 50 people that work in this room, why choose me and why break a 5 week silence to offer me a couple peanut butter cups? It's not like they were my favorite or I used to eat them all the time when we were together.

 

The next week, we had to get together to finish cleaning out our old apt and get it ready to turn over to the apartment complex. It went well and the conversation was light and enjoyable. After a couple hours she asked if I was hungry and would like to go out to dinner. I said yes and we went out to one of our favorite places, ordered the same thing we always ordered, and split the entrees the same way we always did. We went back to our old apartment, cleaned for another hour or so and decided to call it a night. We both agreed to call in to work the next day to get everything finished and we met the next morning, went out to breakfast, and went back and cleaned. We also went out to lunch later that day.

 

So we finished cleaning and we loaded her computer desk into my car to take over to her place. When we park outside her apt, she starts to tell me how depressed she is, how she started drinking more than she used to, and that she misses me. At this point, she was streaming tears and I told her I missed her as well. I had made a # of changes since we broke up and she told me that she had noticed them and that if I had made those changes before we broke up, this never would've happened. She showed me her apt and we chatted for a few minutes and parted ways for the evening. We agreed to hang out sometime when we didn't have cleaning to do and could do something fun.

 

The next week I asked her if she would like to have dinner some time, but she said that seemed to date-like and she is busy this week but would like to hang out the next week. I decided to feel her out and see if she initiated hanging out the next week. Sure enough, she asked me monday morning what my schedule was like that week and that she is free just about any day. We arranged to hang out thursday night, but then she got sick (it was legit, she was obviously miserable) and she said that we would need to reschedule. Again, I let her initiate that so i could get an idea of how much she really wanted to hang out. Lo and behold, monday morning she asked me what my schedule looked like that week and we are going to be haning out this weekend. That brings us up to where we are currently.

 

She emails me several times a day at work for the last couple weeks since we cleaned our apt together -- mostly it's jokes or something she heard that was interesting, but if I respond to the email, she always responds back. She also agreed to keep our car insurance together instead of seperating the account, so I know she still wants me in her life.

 

So what is going through this girl's head? We're both 25, so it's not like we're kids, but I think she still has some immaturity when it comes to relationships and confrontations. She said initially that she would want to try again (and I know that she meant it because she told her 2 best friends this and they told me -- I KNOW they wouldn't lie to me about something like that, I'm close to them as well and we have all been through some very tough times together), but then a few days later said she wouldn't be open to trying again. I swear I catch her staring at me at work all the time and I think she still has feelings, but am I being too optimistic? Why would she say I have made all the right changes and that they had happened earlier this never would've happened?

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1) You jumped in too fast to begin with in at the beginning of this relationship. Moving in...et al.

 

2) There was no more mystery in this relationship. You probably did get complacent.

 

3) Once they move out...the rarely ever come back.

 

Chalk it up to a learning experience.

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