Jump to content

I am alone...


soupset

Recommended Posts

Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

My story is not unique, I know. Long story short, I had a mini-affair. I wouldn't call it an affair really. An ex came along at the right time, right place and I unfortunately went with it. I don't know why. Looking back at it, I almost feel like I was underwater while it happened. It's over now, but the damage has been done. I have NO excuse. I have 2 special needs children and I guess this was an escape for a minute. It's not a good excuse and I know I am a bad person. My husband doesn't know and I don't plan on telling him. But, I worry. I worry what if I caught something from this ex. I'm an anxious person anyway,so this will worry me greatly. I know I should get tested, but I think I read that you can have something for years before it shows up. Of course my husband is great and this would devastate him. I just want to forget that it happened, but I do worry....and if he did find out, I think I would have to end my life because it would be so unbearable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if telling him would be the best thing.

 

Just NEVER do it again.

 

Plus, get yourself checked ASAP and take care of that.

 

did I say, NEVER do it again?

 

I agree with this.

 

If you're truly sorry and will never do this again, I think it's best to not tell him.

 

What will it accomplish? It will make him feel terrible and it will alleviate your guilt.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I only asked if you think you should tell him because of the fact that you didn't have protected sex.

 

I hope everything works out for you. Hopefully you are truly remorseful from this and never do it again. I also agree with HHWH, some counseling might be in order to help you figure out what it is you are lacking in the relationship that caused you to seek comfort elsewhere.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you really want to take an STD test, I suggest taking a test now, and then take another one in 6-12 months, as some take up to around 6 months to show symptoms (HIV, Hepatitis B). The rest appear as soon as a day up to 3 months.

 

Or, you could straight out ask your ex if he has STDs. He may lie, but he may tell the truth, you never know.

 

I... Actually would not tell your husband, unless you're certain it'll get to him some other way first. Most people are not okay with cheating, and I have every right to believe it would cause a strain in your relationship if you told him.

 

But yes, just don't do it again. If you do, I'd actually be rooting for your husband to leave you... So, if that sounds painful, don't do it!

 

Best of luck ^^

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've done what you've done, don't tell. My ex didn't even believe when I did tell (following our divorce which ruined any chance of reconsilation). But go get tested, I did right away and was clear thank God. But go get yourself examined and at least ease that part of your mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know, I will...I just...honestly I really and truly want to die. As crazy as it sounds, I did not do this because there is anything lacking with my husband. I think my subconscious mind did it because I am just upset at the life I have in general (not including my husband). I understand this does not make sense. The ex will never ever tell. He is also married and I'm pretty sure he feels the same (or somewhat the same) as I do right now. I just really want to die.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i stand my my advice that you should go into counseling... especially if you feel like you want to die.

 

what you did was wrong- very wrong- but people don't do these things to be hurtful- they do them because they are trying to run away from themselves.

 

I would strongly suggest you go into counseling for you- the affair didn't change, fix or alter your current circumstances... it just made them worse- because now you have added guilt to your list of things not to like about yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't seen this mentioned yet:

 

You need to never EVER see or talk to that ex again. If you think there is a chance that he will contact you, you need to pre-emptively send him a note, email whatever and tell him to never contact you..EVER.

 

Anything less than that and you are cheating on your husband. You need to change your life so that nothing like this ever happens again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with going to talk to a counselor. How will it help? You can talk about what is really going on in your life, and with yourself, and maybe come up with some possible solutions to try.

 

Wanting to die is not ok. It doesn't have to be like that.

 

It sounds like you and your hub have a lot on your plates, and this could be the last straw.

 

A counselor too could help you figure out the best way to go about talking to your hub about this. Maybe you will decide it is best to keep it to yourself. Or maybe you'll need to tell him.

 

But you've got two kids who are depending on you to try and make whatever is so bad, right again.

 

tc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alot of good posts here which give you a good direction you can follow. NC with the OM is a must, counselling, even though you may not see it's benefits at this time, is indeed a very sound idea. You have to get to the bottom of your issues or all you are doing is placing a band aid on a broken limb.

 

I will also go against the grain here and say tell. Would your hubby want to know if something like this happened? Would he want to make a choice about his marriage? I don't mean this figuratively, I mean it literally, would he want to know. Some people do, some don't. I saw someone post about you being sure that this will never get back to him. No one on this planet can ever make a statement like this. No one can ever say never. Some BS have even stated (which I can agree myself) that the lying about it was almost as bad as the act of cheating itself.

 

If he is as steadfast about this subject as you state he is, if he ever finds out on his own, it will make it 10 times worse and you will have even less credibility to work toward reconcilliation if that comes out. Also, keeping him in the dark is quite a task, I've heard of a few FWS who had tried it and said that it was a huge cross to bear as the years wore on.

 

The choice is up to you, keeping your SO in the dark has been done by others and is being done everyday, but I would be lying if I said I have met one yet who was doing it and happy about it on a fundamental level. You have to do what you think is best, as you know your sitch better than anyone.

 

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I doubt I will ever talk to him again. We feel the same way and if he did ever contact me, I'm sure I would not respond...but the likelyhood of that is really rare. He thinks I was a mistake and vice-versa. We did not have a strong relationship in the past so it's not like we feel we were "that one who got away." I think for him, it was maybe just nostalgia of being younger and he was just dreaming of a simpler time....because I am not the same as I was 17 years ago at all. As far as this ever happening again...it won't and trust me, opportunities never are even around to tempt me. This was just some odd test of my soul that came out of nowhere and I obviously failed. I have an appt. to see someone tomorrow because I can't stop thinking of ways to just end my life. I don't know if she will have any magic words but, I figure I can try it and then my soul will know I tried. I think you are right that are plates are so full that this contributed to it. He is too busy to notice, and I am too busy to explain what I would like. We are just high strung all the time. I don't know how he does it. I really wish he had decided to be with someone else instead of me because I often wonder if 1)he wouldn't have the special needs kids he does have and 2) he'd have a much better partner. He'd just have a better life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you don't want to cause hurt to your husband and children by confessing to an affair how much far more severe hurt do you think your suicide would cause?

 

Time to think of what is best for them and your death is not best for them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it would be less pain than if they found out. If he knows, he will make me leave and that will be hard for the children. And then he will feel bad. But, if I am gone by an accident, then I am just gone. And then he can find someone who can handle things better than I have. And then my kids will have a much better life too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it would be less pain than if they found out. If he knows, he will make me leave and that will be hard for the children. And then he will feel bad. But, if I am gone by an accident, then I am just gone. And then he can find someone who can handle things better than I have. And then my kids will have a much better life too.
Nope - too easy. You would be taking the easy way out and you owe them more than that - a lot more.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

They deserve more. And I'm not it.

 

Don't make such a critical choice now while you are at 'low tide'. Life is full of hills and valleys and right now you are in a valley. Cliche, but still true. Your preception of life at the moment is somewhat squewed(sp?) and may not be 100% reliable. Ending your life now will not make things better or easier for anyone. There is no replacement for mommy or daddy, you have to understand this.

 

If you take your life, there will be questions that will be left to your hubby and your kids possibly for the rest of their lives and you will indeed leave a hole in their souls possibly for as long as they live. Suicide isn't the answer, you will be doing more harm then good. It only seems like the best option at the moment. If they deserve as much as you say they do, then you owe it to them to get through this and fix the issue so you can be there for them.

 

You didn't always think like this correct? Did everything always seem this black? You have to have faith. Have you ever been drunk before? Think about all the ideas that seemed brilliant whilst inebriated that where hair-brained once you sobered up and reflected on them. This is what I mean, in time, the sun will rise again, you have to give it time and try to fix the issue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...