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Basic physiology .. sex drive .. acceptable sexual behavior?


waveseer

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One of the things people love to do is judge each other. Some people like a ton of sex, some like none. Some like a ton of partners (sometimes simultaneously), some like none. Some like the same gender, some like the opposite gender, some like both. There are many more variations, but it isn't necessary to add them in to describe the topic.

 

So, I am wondering if a person's basic physiology and health determines their sex drive which in turn would necessitate an adjustment in their idea of acceptable sexual behavior so they can be comfortable with themselves?

 

Specifically I am talking about the frequency of sex which would likely affect the number of partners. The reason I am bringing this up is because people keep asking how many partners is acceptable by a certain age.

 

Maybe it's easier for some people to resist having sex. Maybe it's easier because their sex drive is lower. Maybe their sex drive is lower based on a basic difference in physiology.

 

Maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't judge people for having too few partners or too little sex (or too many partners or too much sex). How the heck could we know from the outside how they feel on the inside?

 

What do you think?

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I think that people get too caught up in their own experience and particularly the pressures they feel to abstain from sex or to have it. Then other people seem to want to believe that there is a moral component that must be adhered to. Personally I a person's desire for sex or lack there should be above comment but I do believe that we can make judgments as to the choices that a person has made.

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This is exactly the reason why I never ever go near the "how many partners have you had" threads. We all have different standards, morals and values and that's why you'll always have the "judging" thing going on. Whilst some people love to boast that they have been with 40 partners (or more), others have only ever had 2, etc. People will disagree and disapprove, either way.

 

I just think it's a private and personal matter and people should just keep their mouths shut, but that's just me, lol.

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I think that people get too caught up in their own experience and particularly the pressures they feel to abstain from sex or to have it. Then other people seem to want to believe that there is a moral component that must be adhered to. Personally I a person's desire for sex or lack there should be above comment but I do believe that we can make judgments as to the choices that a person has made.

 

This is correct. False concensus bias. The thinking goes, I'm normal, so my behavior is normal. Therefore those who do not behave as I do are abnormal.

 

Comes from a limited life view.

 

As for last sentence, you can do anything you want, but I believe that when we judge, all it does it show that we are people who need to judge, it say nothing at all about the ones being judged.

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I just think it's a private and personal matter and people should just keep their mouths shut, but that's just me, lol.

 

I think people should keep their mouths shut to the rest of the world..there is just way too much talk about sex altogether and not in a very informative way..the sex talk is mainly about boasting, joking, making fun of sex, making fun of people who are having sex or who are not having sex. With two people who are thinking about becoming a couple..what they should be talking about are values...values regarding casual sex vs sex within a relationship and what their past practices have been...in other words if they have had casual sex partners and one night stands. The actual numbers are not important..having 10 casual sex partners vs 30casual sex partners is neither here nor there...casual sex is casual sex...perhaps the only thing separating the person who has had 10 vs the one who has had 30 is opportunity..or maybe the one who had 10 had a long-term relationship for a few years so that person wasn't racking up the numbers in that time period whereas the one with 30 was single for that time period. In other words, the actual numbers aren't really all that relevant...it is how the person views sex..whether they view it as simply "sport" to scratch the itch, or if they view it as something that should be done only within a committed relationship. This is what matters because it comes down to whether or not two people have the same values regarding sex.

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i think its more to do with a persons state of mind. there was a time when i ate up men and women like candies. and thats all i wanted.

it was a really low point in my life, while at the time i felt like i was getting exactly what i wanted. and i was...

 

 

now though... i have seen the error of my ways, and i dont feel the need to have so much, or even have casual flings when i am single.

Another thing that made a difference was going off birth control and before that--dating an idiot who i did have sex with.... who then subsequently gave me an STI. . . So not only did i screw up and begin dating a very confused and worthless guy, i also got a perscription for some antibiotics or something a few months later after i left him because he was diseased. ew. gross.

 

uhm... so i doubt i'll be returning to my old ways, and really mentally and emotionally i simply dont need the crutch of sex to get by anymore.

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I think people make choices as to whether to have sex or not -- whether they have a strong drive or otherwise. If that wasn't the case then rape or sexual assault could not be a crime because the defense always would be "I have a high sex drive and couldn't help myself". It may be more difficult to resist for certain people or at certain times, but it is always a choice.

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Our society has the sexual maturity of a 12 year old boy.

 

We need to only concern ourselves with our preferences, education, honesty and disclosure. These are the only things that matter when judging another person regarding sex.

 

What do I want from a partner, what education do I need, when do I get tested, what is sex about for me? End of story.

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There's a lot of wisdom in the OP and this thread.

 

Value judgements have really started to annoy me lately - in every part of our society (not just sex). Just because someone has never cheated does not give them the moral authority to villainize those that do... nobody truly knows another persons' situation, or how powerful the forces at work might be. Just because one person likes monogomy and their brain chemistry causes them to fall into an eternal and powerful love for their partner does not mean EVERYONE is like that, and it doesn't give them the right to turn their noses up at people that prefer casual sexual encounters.

 

There is no "better" or "proper" when it comes to sex. Any such desire to use those terms is incorrect (possibly sexist) and cannot be defended logically.

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I agree strongly with this point, different hormones affect sex drives in different ways. If medicine, birth control, time of the month - all of which fluctuate hormone levels, affect a woman's sex drive very easily, I don't see why people would have naturally not different levels of hormones and therefore have different sex habits.

 

There was a study a while back where they injected women with extra testosterone, and the women with raised testosterone levels began to display traditionally male behavior - more aggressiveness and more desire for more sex and being okay with more random sex. (I do not have the citation memorized, so don't ask). The women who enjoy casual sex - some of them, maybe they just have different hormone levels that makes them desire that and need less bonding, and its not that they are actually ho's with low self esteem like many claim.

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Interestingly enough, another set of studies which began with curiosity why some species of field mice are monogamous and other species are not, led scientists to isolate a hormone called vasopressin, and in studies of monogamous men, low level of vasopressin are correlated with higher levels of marital problems.

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I think people make choices as to whether to have sex or not -- whether they have a strong drive or otherwise. If that wasn't the case then rape or sexual assault could not be a crime because the defense always would be "I have a high sex drive and couldn't help myself". It may be more difficult to resist for certain people or at certain times, but it is always a choice.

 

 

I agree. People who make the choice not to engage in casual sex do not necessarily have a lower sex drive, they just choose to be more selective about who they have sex with and in what context.

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i think it's a combination of two things - physiological and psychological factors. not one or the other.

 

physiological - your body craves sex

psychological - 2 things - can you hold in the physiological part and do your morals match with what you are doing. (having lots of sex or with multiple partners is not a bad thing, it's just what is right for YOU)

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Good thread and I totally agree with your thought process. I am trying so so hard to stop judging my SO based on a number, because I know she doesn't judge me based on a higher number. The only thing people should focus on in a relationship is the love they have for each other.

 

I carry a heavy double standard when it comes to my SO and her past, always thinking that she shouldn't have done this or should have acted this way instead of just accepting her for who she is which is the love of my life and the person who accepted me after all the hell I put her through and most importantly the person I'm spending the next 50 or so years with.

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Well I think a person's morals/values come from their personality/temperament.

 

so yes, if an action is natural to somebody else, and isn't hurting another, then it's perhaps wrong to judge.

 

For this reason, I don't deem a person a loser for not having a lot of sex (as a lot of people in society do). I reckon in this case, it could be a person doesn't care much about sex. Or they hold a low drive for sex. they are simply being themselves, so how is that being a loser? I personally don't get the idea that everyone should be "on the prowl" for sex. I like sex, but if somebody doesn't want to be on the prowl, it should be their prerogative.

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I think that if a person has a high sex drive and have sex with random strangers to accomplish their satisfaction, I think that's kick ass for them.

 

But, I think those kinds of people are rare and a lot of people do it for validation or feelings of insecurity.

 

But, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing in general.

 

On the whole though, I try my best not to judge people. I still do though. Especially women.

 

One thing I agree with is how unhealthily our society views virginity. I feel that a lot of young women and men are scarred in the process of enforcing the clashing views of our society. So many people are telling us that we are freaks if we lose it too late, yet dirty if we lose it too young. And, sometimes, people are told both regardless of timing nor who it is with.

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I've come to the conclusion that women really don't like sex. Sure it's a stereotype from the 50's, but it's still true today.

 

Go figure: just past the girl's hole there are no nerve endings to feel anything inside. Nothing. Imagine your * * * * with no nerve endings. How satisfying would sex be then? That's what it's like inside the V of girls.

 

Now you know their secret why size doesn't matter to a girl. They can't feel anything inside anyway.

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One thing I agree with is how unhealthily our society views virginity. I feel that a lot of young women and men are scarred in the process of enforcing the clashing views of our society. So many people are telling us that we are freaks if we lose it too late, yet dirty if we lose it too young. And, sometimes, people are told both regardless of timing nor who it is with.

 

Crazy, right? Might as well find your own path

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I've come to the conclusion that women really don't like sex. Sure it's a stereotype from the 50's, but it's still true today.

 

Go figure: just past the girl's hole there are no nerve endings to feel anything inside. Nothing. Imagine your * * * * with no nerve endings. How satisfying would sex be then? That's what it's like inside the V of girls.

 

Now you know their secret why size doesn't matter to a girl. They can't feel anything inside anyway.

 

...you're expressing a very jaded and angry attitude towards women. You have posted four times so far, and each of them is basically an attack on women, saying that we are lying if we say that we enjoy sex.

 

If you do have a wife and she does have problems, I expect it is something to do with your own conviction that her enjoying it is not an option.

 

I am finding your antagonistic attitude quite unpleasant. I hope you can find something positive to say soon!

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I've come to the conclusion that women really don't like sex. Sure it's a stereotype from the 50's, but it's still true today.

 

Go figure: just past the girl's hole there are no nerve endings to feel anything inside. Nothing. Imagine your * * * * with no nerve endings. How satisfying would sex be then? That's what it's like inside the V of girls.

 

Now you know their secret why size doesn't matter to a girl. They can't feel anything inside anyway.

 

You, having no vagina, know this?

 

Sex is amazing. There are more nerve endings in our clitoris than there are in the entire male's penis.

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I've come to the conclusion that women really don't like sex. Sure it's a stereotype from the 50's, but it's still true today.

 

Go figure: just past the girl's hole there are no nerve endings to feel anything inside. Nothing. Imagine your * * * * with no nerve endings. How satisfying would sex be then? That's what it's like inside the V of girls.

 

Now you know their secret why size doesn't matter to a girl. They can't feel anything inside anyway.

 

just because your wife doesnt want to have sex with you doesnt mean that every woman on the face of the planet must be the same way.

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