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Should I give my GF a plastic engagement ring...?


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OK now that I have your attention please hear me out!

 

I will be popping the question to my GF in the next few weeks and I wanted to ask how critical is it that I actually have THE ring in my hand when I propose. I am planning on setting up a beautiful romantic picnic at my cottage right on the beach where I can ask her. It's going to be beautiful. I am 99.9% certain she will say yes as we are in love and have seriously discussed marriage in the recent past and we are very much on the same page with respect to our life goals and how marriage to each other could work logistically.

 

But I am thinking that at the time of proposal I give her a cute and obviously inexpensive "minnie mouse" (or alternative) type ring and wanted to know from the women out there if this would be viewed as disresepctful. I would then of course follow it up with the real diamond engagement ring in 3-4 weeks. My reasons for doing this are:

 

1) I will choose the diamond(s) and I want her to choose the ring and its style (and of course I will pay the for the whole thing). She is the one who has to wear it and it should primarily reflect her tastes so for me to show up with the ring that she may not be too keen about is a bit risky. You cannot return a diamond ring that has already been placed...! I also don't know her ring size... and I want her at least to be a little bit surprised when I pop the question.

 

2) Because her parents speak NO English as awkward as it is I will need her be present to translate for me to ask for their blessing. In other words I need to have the romantic picnic before I speak to her parents otherwise there will be no element of surprise. I know this is backwards but there is just no other way... and if her parents in the very remote off-chance want us to wait I don't want to be stuck with a ring I cannot return.

 

So what do you think? Is giving your GF a plastic cutsey ring a silly or disrespectful idea? Or under the circumstances would this be seen as an acceptable?

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It depends on HER.

This is about her.

I would hope you have a general sense of her [since afterall you want to marry her] to know that something like this would be ok with HER, given who she is, and how she would react to it.

 

Its hard to say, because some girls would say they would like anything their partner gave to them, in terms of a real ring....and others, like myself have already gone and picked a ring, been sized, etc....but have no clue when the question will be popped because he wanted to make sure it would be a ring that I would love and was my style, and for us, discussing and planning it advance is how we generally do things.

 

I don't necessarily think it matters what other random girls think..its what your girl will think and react...and I think you would be the best gauge for that, as you know her best.

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Hmmmmmm I don't think it is disrespectful at all. I think it's a nice idea but I am unsure about her having to wait a month to get the actual ring. Is there any other way you could find out what kind of ring she would like? Could you get her frind to go shopping with her or something and have her pick out what engagement ring she would have if she were to get married?

 

As for the parents thing, maybe you could write what you want to say to them in English and translate it on the internet, then go and visit them on your own and give them the letter?

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is it possible you ask a friend who speaks the language to come with you when you go to her parents' house? so it's a surprise?

 

otherwise, i think that the idea of a plastic ring is cute. but of course, it depends on what type of girl she is. i think your rationale makes perfect sense, and i can see why some of the 'surprise' element may be taken away if she has already gone ring shopping with you. but of course, if you are planning on marrying, you are probably already discussing big issues, so it shouldn't be TOO much of a surprise!!!!!

 

good luck with whatever you decide to do.

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uhh it would prolly mean more to her if you picked the ring... it's just like getting someone to pick their own b-day present, it doesn't mean as much cause you didn't didn't go through the effort of looking and picking something. Even if it's not something they'd usually buy themselves it's the thought that counts and to me it would mean a lot more to me than them getting me to buy my own. It really shows that you care about them.

 

About the parents.. you could always learn how to ask for permission in their language, you can usually tell what their answer is by their body language and if you still don't know then try to remember what they say so you can get someone to translate it.

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I don't think it is disrespectful, but it definitely depends on her and her personality/sense of humor. I don't know if it would sorta ruin the moment b/c you would have to explain right away why you are giving her a plastic ring. But I'm sure she would understand everything.....3-4 weeks does seem like a long time to wait though. It's a tough call since when women get engaged one of the most exciting parts about it is showing off the ring to everyone.

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Your reasons make sense, and I personally wouldn't mind at all. But as others have said, you have to be sure that your girlfriend is the kind of person not to mind. Is there a kind of ring you can get with a kind of inside joke to it? So that it's not quite so 'out there' when you pull it out, you know?

 

With regards to her parents, I'm sure there will be someone who can help you with what you want to say - learning how to ask them in their language would mean a lot to them I'm sure, how much a part of their family you want to be. How much of a timeline do you have? Try link removed

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I personally loved that my bf chose my ring without talking to me first. I guess he could have screwed up badly, but he didn't. Just stick with something tasteful and classic.

 

While I wouldn't object to the plastic ring, I'm also very non-traditional. I've seen many different types of women on this forum, and some would yell at you for getting the wrong diamond size. Therefore, I don't know what to tell you.

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MrGrinch,

 

Propose to her with the main diamond in a box. Then you guys can decide together how to have it set in the ring. Don't propose with a minni-mouse or other fake ring. It's not that it's a bad idea for everyone but its simply that you can't predict how she will feel about it and the proposal is a huge deal for some women. You just want to minimise the risks in this scenario I think.

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Is she very picky about jewelry? Does she have a very specific taste that you have trouble replicating? Do you know she wants a diamond (and not some other stone)?

 

If the response is "yes" to the above, then get her a loose diamond and propose to her with that.

 

Is she more romantic, traditional, not so picky about jewelry (or you know her tastes VERY well) and likes surprises?

 

If the answer is "yes" to these, then pick out the ring yourself.

 

Is she picky, wants to choose her own ring, and has a sense of humor?

 

Then you MAYBE can get her the fake plastic ring...but she'd have to have ONE hell of a sense of humor.

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MrGrinch,

 

Propose to her with the main diamond in a box. Then you guys can decide together how to have it set in the ring. Don't propose with a minni-mouse or other fake ring. It's not that it's a bad idea for everyone but its simply that you can't predict how she will feel about it and the proposal is a huge deal for some women. You just want to minimise the risks in this scenario I think.

I agree with this 100%. Her reaction to the plastic ring could really backfire badly, depending on her personality and how she views it. Some girls would think it's great, some think it's funny, and others would be totally mortified, hurt and devastated. As long as she doesn't KNOW that it's a temporary ring, then be prepared for any reaction.

 

I would say think this through very very carefully. I hope you know your girl very well.

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Thanks very much for your replies everyone. Just wanted to explain about the 3-4 week wait for the ring thing... which goes part-and-parcel with why I was kind of also ruling out just giving her a loose diamond (which I was also considering too and could still be persuaded)!

 

We could easily go to some of the nearest jewlers and purchase a ring on the spot. But for those who don't know much about ring shopping "brick and mortar" locations are usually 50% to 150% marked up. The way to purchase diamonds is online through a wholesalers and you literally save THOUSANDS of dollars off face value and avoiding taxes (at least compared to Canadian retail prices where I am from). There are many reputable, safe, and well-established online places for diamond acquisition. So my plan was to buy at least the diamond online... and ideally have the ring set from the same provider. Thus the 3-4 week wait while unattractive comes at a huge $$$ savings.

 

As well the glitch with purchasing the diamond from a wholesaler and having a local outfit set it in one of their bands is that they make you sign a waiver that if they damage the diamond in the process you will not hold them liable... which kind of makes me nervous.

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Congratulation!

Personally, I’d go on with the idea.

But that is me, someone who loves every jokes, even those fart and armpit jokes…

I didn’t get any engagement ring, but that was because I was the one who propose him.

 

How is her sense of humor?

 

If she is bubbly, cheerful and full of fantasy person, I’d say go for it, it will leave some nice memories too.

 

If she is serious, stoic and professional like my administrative law professor, give her the loose diamond.

 

Well, your situation is quite the same with us was. My parents speak no German, so I got to translate. No problem, no big deal. Her parents will give you their blessings, they just want their daughter to be loved and happy.

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I think it is better to have the ring. Unless she is super picky, it might mean more to her that it is a ring that you picked out and whenever she looks at it she will remember that. I just think there is something special about that. If you stick to a beautiful, but classic style you can't go too wrong.

 

I think the idea of having a friend go shopping with her and pull her over to a jewelry store and do the "oooh this is so pretty I want a ring like this when I get engaged...what about you? Which one do you like?" Even if she slightly suspects something, it will mean so much to her than you went to so much trouble - and she won't be sure until you pop the question!

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Also an afterthought, as soon as she is engaged she is going to want to tell her friends, etc. and the first thing they are going to want to see is the ring. Then she'll have to explain how she doesn't have it yet, which kinda ruins the excitement.

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I agree with Kelebek. When my husband proposed, the ring was too small and had to be sized. I had to wait a week and while I was all excited, It was annoying and embarrassing to tell people why I didn't have it yet. I loved that my husband took the initiative to look on his own. When he got hung up, he asked an Aunt for help. If you know her well enough or some of her friends who know her tastes, then I would try to get the ring before the proposal.

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hmm..thats a tough one...1. it depends on her sense of humor...would she get it if you gave her a fake one? followed by a real one? ....and if it were me...id want the guy to pick one out....does she wear any jewelry ? pay attn to the style that she wears now if she does....and go from there...is she a simple person? or a picky one? is she flashy? try to find one that fits her style, taste and personality....you dont have to get the most expensive engagement ring. how about you get the engagement ring...then when she says yes....you 2 go together and pick out the bands you want. ....they have tons of band styles...from simple to extravagant....almost all of them are beautiful.

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Thanks everyone for your awesome feedback! Well yesterday was the big day and as the sun was setting over the horizon I popped the question and offered my GF a "beautiful" Princess Snow White ring. I told her that she was the Snow White of my life and was the most beautiful person in the world to me. And that the only way she could accept the small ring was that she would accept a bigger diamond engagement ring of our choice and of course more importantly continue our lives together as my wife. She agreed!

 

For me this was the right way to approach this. She thought it was really cute and didn't seem disappointed at all and was just thrilled with my proposition. She kept staring at the cute ring all night in excitement for what it stood for not for what it was worth. In response to some of the posts I just couldn't ask her friends for help becuase she has a limited friend base (again she is relatively new to the country) and speaking to anyone else such as her sister would have just spoiled the surprise.

 

In retrospect this was TOTALLY the right thing to do because the rings she has shown me that she likes (white gold with sidestones) are very different than the one that I would have chosen for her to wear. The ring company that we have chosen can turn a custom ring around in 2 weeks delivered so other than her parents we've agreed to keep it hush hush until then. But of course I can tell all my enotalone friends here...!

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